https://www.independent.co.uk/news/world/asia/he-s-banned-beards-honoured-melons-and-offers-dental-advice-is-this-the-world-s-craziest-dictator-559959.html
He has banned beards and listening to car radios, and instituted a national holiday in honour of a melon. Now the world's craziest dictator has identified a new and pressing danger to his people: gold teeth.
The great dictator did not stop there. He had some remarkable advice for the people of his former Soviet republic on how to avoid losing their teeth. "I watched young dogs when I was young," he said. "They were given bones to gnaw. Those of you whose teeth have fallen out did not gnaw on bones. This is my advice."
But in Mr Niyazov's case this has meant his country of five million isforced to live under some of the weirdest laws of our times. Two months ago he used another television appearance to ban beards and long hair for men. Opera and ballet are not allowed, because Mr Niyazov decided they were unnecessary. He has changed street names in Ashgabat to numbers, and forced his ministers to take part in a 36km "health walk".
Surreally, he has followed in the footsteps of the fictional dictator in Woody Allen's movie Bananas, to redefine the ages of his citizens. Adolescence now lasts until 25, youth doesn't end until 37, and old age starts at 85.
Last year Mr Niyazov instituted a holiday in honour of the muskmelon, a relative of the watermelon, complete with lavish festivities, and ordered that everybody take part. "This godsend has a glorious history," national television announced. "Our great leader, who has a great love of his nation, has brought the name of the tasty melons to the level of a national holiday."
Behind the craziness, say human rights groups, lurks a deeply disturbing state.
You can rewrite that adapting it for the US if you want some idea of what a second Trump presidency would be like..
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