Denmark Offers to Buy U.S.

[Autumn]

“As we have stated, Greenland is not for sale,” a spokesperson for the Danish government said on Friday. “We have noted, however, that during the Trump regime pretty much everything in the United States, including its government, has most definitely been for sale.”
"Denmark would be interested in purchasing the United States in its entirety, with the exception of its government,” the spokesperson added.

A key provision of the purchase offer, the spokesperson said, would be the relocation of Donald Trump to another country “to be determined,” with Russia and North Korea cited as possible destinations.

If Denmark’s bid for the United States is accepted, the Scandinavian nation has ambitious plans for its new acquisition. “We believe that, by giving the U.S. an educational system and national health care, it could be transformed from a vast land mass into a great nation,” the spokesperson said.

https://www.newyorker.com/humor/borowitz-report/denmark-offers-to-buy-us

https://www.newyorker.com/humor/borowitz-report/denmark-offers-to-buy-us

[Wounded Bear]

1. Wish it were true...

[chouchou]

2. That's the best Christmas present ever !

"relocation of Donald Trump to another country"
Donnie would LOVE that...

[dickthegrouch]

25. You'd think the Danish would know what country The Hague is in.

Russia would be far too good for TSF.

[jimfields33]

31. Denmark cannot possibly afford 176 trillion dollars to buy

the country. Somebody didn’t look at the financials.

[WestMichRad]

47. That's what bitcoin was made for!

[wnylib]

61. Several other countries might be willing to chip in

to such a worthy cause.

Start an international Go Fund Me on behalf of world stability. Donate to Denmark through fundraising concerts, French wine raffles, Dutch chocolate sales, German tapestry tour fees, British castle tours, Japanese porcelain auctions, etc.

Call it a SPEC movement -- Save Planet Earth's Civilizations.

[yellow dahlia]

70. Glad to know I am not the only one on board with the Go Fund Me page idea?

[quakerboy]

90. Thats a mighty arbitrary price

Trump would sell it all for a few billion, a full pardon, lifetime access to all the miss teen universe dressing rooms, and a permanent gold plated military parade that goes in circles around Mara logo.

[ZDU]

3. LMFAO

[rampartd]

4. i'd take the offer

[dem4decades]

5. Conan went over to buy it.

?si=AXyvauQRbuE3KWYp

[Xavier Breath]

8. Gotta love the REMAX sign.

[tanyev]

6. Whoa...for a split second, I thought that was an actual statement from the Danish government.

Then I saw the Borowitz link at the bottom. Wouldn't that be glorious, though?

[delisen]

9. Might we petition the govt to become part of Denmark?

The people are happy. They have pursued happiness and apparently succeeded, where we are not.

It is puzzling. Our Constitution guarantees our right to pursue happiness, yet we seem to be a country full of unhappy, miserable, angry people. Where have we gone wrong?

[soldierant]

73. The Constitution gives us the right to pursue happiness, yes.

But it doesn't give us the right to capture it, because it can't. That's our job individually.

Some people will never achieve happiness - because, like a dog chasing a car, they wouldn't know what to do with it if they caught it.

[wnylib]

72. Maybe we should send a copy of the Borowitz report

to the Danish government as a petition with American signatures. "Please buy us out and send the orange fascist packing."

Wouldn't that make a good international news story? Headline: AMERICANS BEG DANES TO BUY THEM OUT.

[SunSeeker]

7. Let's start a GoFundMe. It's doable. Musk was able to buy the US for only around $250 Million.

[Ocelot II]

38. I'm sure Denmark could scrape up $250 million to buy it back from Musk.

[yellow dahlia]

71. I'm in.

[Deep State Witch]

10. Sign me up!

I'll take that Scandinavian health care, please!

[Figarosmom]

11. Good for them

An offer to save us.

Trump said he'd just have to give them an offer they can't refuse ,,(, he does think he's a Don , must be his first name, he gets it confused with the title). What would that be? Do the deal or I'll nuke you ?

[GiqueCee]

12. Z-Z-Z-ZINGER!

What a brilliant idea! Then maybe we really could be Great Again!

[Paladin]

13. Outstanding work, Denmark.

Thanks for making this Christmas a little less mournful for our country.

[Celerity]

60. It's from August 16, 2019. The very last summer pre-Covid, 4th to last summer pre mass AI releases.

Different times......

[peggysue2]

14. Too funny!

I wish Denmark had actually written this. LOL.

[Timeflyer]

15. Ya, mange tak! Lad os ga.

Yes, thank you very much! Let's go.

[Hope22]

16. Yes please!

Books, educational system and healthcare…what’s not to love!

[BoRaGard]

17. .

[Ping Tung]

18. Just buy the nice parts. You can find them on the 2024 electoral map. The ones marked in blue.

[CTyankee]

19. Paywall. Sorry, can't read...

[Buns_of_Fire]

33. Archive link:

https://archive.ph/3hB5I

[CTyankee]

36. Thanks!

[Kid Berwyn]

20. Is there a Go Fund Me?

I’m selling the mule…

[marmar]

21. Putin will have to put it on sale first.

[Linda ladeewolf]

22. I accept!

When do you move me to Denmark? But can I bring my cats too?!

[wryter2000]

23. Don't forget to expel

Musk and the Murdoch’s

[moondust]

24. SOLD!

And as a newly minted citizen, I think I'll go ahead and move to the homeland where old people ride bikes all over the place.

[Biophilic]

26. Perfect!

[Stargleamer]

27. Just buy the blue states

That would make some of us so very happy

[Traildogbob]

28. Wait for a year

Then it will be such a shithole place, it would go for less than Eloooon’s 250 mill. And a good realtor would demand that all the shit MAGA be throw out and cleaned up before closing.

[ificandream]

29. Love some of the Borowitz links at the bottom of the story ...

* Dr. Fauci says that alcohol may help people survive coronavirus briefings.
* Scientists say that Earth is endangered by a new strain of fact-resistant humans.
* Obama proposes cancelling cable at the White House to get Trump to leave.
* Ivanka Trump applies for the job of daughter to Joe Biden.
* Queen Elizabeth II offers to restore British rule over the United States.
* Putin warns that the U.S. will be controlled by Americans.

[calimary]

43. Andy Borowitz!!!

Nice to find his writings under the tree, ‘eh?

I love Andy Borowitz!

[pwb]

30. Trump would eagerly sell our country

is my take on this.

[Beastly Boy]

32. Unconfirmed reports from Ottawa: Canada is preparing a competing offer for the US

Sources familiar with the negotiations report that the offer was prompted by fears of Denmark extraditing Trump to Canada upon the purchase of the US. To avoid this outcome, literally at all cost, Canada is prepared to match Denmark's offer and, in addition, pay Denmark double that amount to have Trump extradited to Greenland.

In related news, the Commonwealth of Puerto Rico is preparing to grant the State of Florida the status of its unincorporated territory. Once again, the sticking point is the extradition of Trump from Mar a Lago to any shithole country that will accept him.

[Buns_of_Fire]

34. Is it an all-or-nothing deal or will they consider individual components?

If so, I offer myself (at a deep discount). I'm easy and cheap. Call for details on this once-in-a-lifetime offer. (Offered as-is, all sales final.)

[V850i]

35. Greenland is payback to Oil & Gas

I think he got over $1B from oil and gas. They want something big in return.... Greenland.

[Klondike Kat]

37. They *should* buy the government

Once they own it, they can toss it (or any part of it) in the trash bin of history and replace it with one that actually works for the people.

[malthaussen]

39. I won't accept a penny less than one dollar. Cash on the barrel, no returns. n/t

[ColinC]

40. After a couple more years of Trump, he might be begging the EU to buy this country from him

Last edited Wed Dec 25, 2024, 03:55 PM - Edit history (1)

[Maggiemayhem]

41. I would be nice if only

this wasn’t satire.

[rondawson]

42. Denmark offer to buy US

The Danes have a great sense of humor. It's too bad we don't as well, but then again, how can we when the Idiots of America just sent that psycho back to the White House...

[LiberalFighter]

44. Just buy Florida and his golf courses.

At minimum cost. Then blow up the golf courses.

[mcar]

45. Sold!

[yardwork]

46. I love this!

[LilElf70]

48. Going, Going, GONE!!!!

Take him away.... forever!!

[PlanetBev]

49. I was in Denmark in September

I wanted to stay there permanently and just send for my stuff.

[boonecreek]

50. If only this were true,

I'm half Danish.

[Torrent63]

51. Metric?

Would we have to convert completely to metric system? It would be tough, but I will trade yards and inches, ounces and gallons for Donald Trump installed in a lovely 10th floor condo in Moscow.

[Wicked Blue]

52. They should buy TFG

and have him neutered and properly housebroken.

[blm]

88. ✔️✔️

[regnaD kciN]

53. Make Danes Great Again!

[doc03]

55. The Whitehouse, Congress and SCOTUS are for sale n t

[spike jones]

56. Off topic but 99% of Denmark's Jewish population survived the Holocaust. The Danish people saved them.

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Rescue_of_the_Danish_Jews

[niyad]

57. This was a Borowitz piece from 2019 when he was stil with the New Yorker,

but still funny today.

[Quanto Magnus]

58. Trump would sell the U.S., not to Denmark, mind you,

but to his 'buddy' Pooty Poot....

[WarGamer]

59. I wish DU had a Satire/Parody sub-forum... keep GD free of nonsense.

[ecstatic]

74. bah humbug?

[vapor2]

62. SOLD!!!

[LetMyPeopleVote]

63. trump rediscovers his odd interest in U.S. ownership of Greenland

Greenland is not for sale, though the Republican president-elect continues to believe that it's "an absolute necessity" for the United States to buy it.

Trump rediscovers his odd interest in U.S. ownership of Greenland: Greenland is not for sale, though Donald Trump continues to believe that it's "an absolute necessity" for the United States to buy it.

Link to tweet

And then, of course, there’s Greenland.

In an item published to his social media platform, the president-elect announced his intention to nominate Ken Howery, the former U.S. ambassador to Sweden, to serve as the next U.S. ambassador to Demark. The statement probably wouldn’t have generated many headlines, were it not for one related point Trump added in the online announcement:

For purposes of National Security and Freedom throughout the World, the United States of America feels that the ownership and control of Greenland is an absolute necessity.

Yes, we’re apparently back to the whole “let’s buy Greenland” thing again......

Blinken added that, as far as the Biden administration was concerned, the United States was not interested in trying to purchase Greenland.

About a month from now, that will apparently change.

It’s not altogether clear why, exactly, Trump sees owning Greenland as “an absolute necessity.” It might have something to do with oil, or perhaps the president-elect has some other undisclosed motivation.

Regardless, the morning after the Republican’s online statement reached the public, Trump confronted news he probably didn’t want to see. “Greenland is ours. We are not for sale and will never be for sale. We must not lose our long struggle for freedom,” the island’s Prime Minister Mute Egede said in a written comment.

If recent history is any guide, Trump will probably ignore the statement. Watch this space.

[Janbdwl72]

78. The main guy Conan interviewed

Did an excellent Arnold Schwartzenegger (sp/) imitation.

[Noodleboy13]

64. I thought trolls were a Norway thing? I guess they are all Scandinavian....

[blueseas]

65. Please do

We were already bought, so why not?

[pamdb]

66. Denmark

Yes please!!!! If not Denmark, maybe Canada. Because we are obviously for sale.

[Iggo]

67. Trump is an idiot.

[Xavier Breath]

68. Humor or not, they're welcomed to Ohio.

Please.

[yellow dahlia]

69. Is there a Go Fund Me page for this effort?

[rpannier]

75. NE to Denmark

West Coast to Canada
IL and MN to Canada as well
Colorado and New Mexico to Mexico.
Though begrudgingly maybe AZ w/ CA and then NM and CO can join us with Canada

[SpankMe]

76. Bring it on

Cali, Oregon and Washington state become a territory of Denmark, like Greenland is. Annexation now!

We get to keep our nukes, though, to hold the wicked orange bitch of the east at bay.

[oldmanlynn]

77. Here was a nice message from Netherland from 2017

This was pretty fun but stills seems accurate

[claudette]

79. What a great idea!

I'm for it!

[ReRe]

80. LMFAO

That's all!

[wendyb-NC]

81. Yes, please

[augyboston]

82. I'd sell this place to Denmark for a dollar if it meant...

I'd sell this place for a dollar if it meant we get rid of tRump and MAGA along with a better educational system (the reason we are in this mess we are in) along with national healthcare.

One dollar and it is yours!

[Patton French]

83. Cool idea, but is that even possible?

NT

[Ray Bruns]

84. Sold!

[Evolve Dammit]

85. Perfectly said

[malaise]

86. Effin brilliant

Rec😀

[kskiska]

87. Oh, please make it true.

Denmark has terrific social programs.

[LetMyPeopleVote]

89. Denmark is a well run government