There's a famous soviet joke:

[DetlefK]

An old man walks up to a newsstand. He buys a newspaper, looks at the front-page and throws it right into the trash-can next to the stand. The next day, he does the same: He buys a newspaper, looks at the front-page and throws it into the trash. And the next day he does the same. And the next, and the next.

Eventually, the sales-guy asks the man why he keeps doing that: Buying a newspaper, looking at the front and throwing it away.
- "I'm just looking for an obituary."
- "But obituaries are at the end of the newspaper, not on the front-page!"
- "Oh, the one I'm looking for will be on the front-page."

[Diamond_Dog]

1. Love it.

[sop]

2. I look at internet sites every day for similar news.

I almost found what I was looking for last July 13.

[brettdale]

3. What do you russian napkins

Soviets.

[niyad]

7. I wonder how many people know what napkins used to be called?

Last edited Fri Dec 27, 2024, 08:06 PM - Edit history (1)

[joshdawg]

9. A serviette.

Some people, not sure who, might still describe a table napkin with that word.

[FakeNoose]

17. That's also the word they use in Germany

I heard "Serviette" spoken in Germany, and I assumed they were using a French word.

[enid602]

29. Servilleta

Servilleta in the Spanish speaking world.

[Marthe48]

20. Was listening to a mystery set in England

and they called it a serviette

[Liberal In Texas]

23. My English wife calls it that.

The first time I heard it I didn't know what she was talking about.

[soldierant]

24. Older Brits, who still hear the word "napkin" and have an image of a diaper (a full one.)

[Hassin Bin Sober]

26. I always call them serviettes

Only because there was a gay bar in Provincetown that had a bartender that was kind of a one man floor show/comedy act - whenever someone would ask for a napkin he would through a “napkin” on the bar and say I think you meant serviette.

And now all my family says serviette because they are grossed out by the story and don’t want to hear it anymore.

[TheBlackAdder]

31. Aren't serviettes more like the smaller square napkins given with hors d'oeuvres?

They're smaller and made of a thinner, harder and less porous paper.

Napkins are typically rectangular, softer and much larger.

[ratchiweenie]

35. No. In most western countries a regular napkin is a serviette. Just US and Canada use napkin

[TheBlackAdder]

36. Huh, three sites show napkin is the posh version and serviette is less than posh.

Check out the following list, with the posh word on the left and the, well, less posh version on the right:

Alcohol - Booze
Antique/Old - Vintage
Avocado - Avo
Basement - Lower ground
Champagne/Prosecco - Bubbly/fizz
Cooked breakfast - Full English
Film - Movie
(I'm) finished - (I'm) done
Hello - Hey
Invitation - Invite
Lavatory - Toilet
May I have - Can I get
Napkin - Serviette
Pudding - Sweet/Dessert/Afters
Pyjamas - PJs
Repartee - Banter
Restaurant - Eatery
Sitting/Drawing Room - Lounge
Sofa - Settee/Couch
Takeaway - Deliveroo
Taxi - Uber
Telephone/phone - iPhone/Blackberry
Term - Semester
Toasted sandwich - Toastie
(Do you) understand (me)? - (Do you) get (me)?
University - Uni
What? - Pardon?
Wine - Vino
https://www.independent.co.uk/life-style/posh-words-proof-upper-class-english-etiquette-expert-napkin-serviette-lounge-drawing-room-a8048311.html

The following article does a deep dive between the works in how they are used in the UK.

Social class often dictated the language of the table in England, with certain terms considered posher than others. During the mid-20th century, this distinction in word usage became a pointed topic of discussion, underlining the strong link between linguistic choices and social status. Some etiquette guides of the time insisted on the use of 'napkin' for formal occasions, associating it with the upper echelons of society. These guides positioned the term serviette as less formal, more aligned with informal gatherings and family meals. This variance in usage has sometimes sparked lively debates, with people defending their preferred term with surprising vigor.

(but in the 18th century that was reversed by the British, and some people try to cling to its old use)

By the 18th century, this distinction became more pronounced as industrialization brought about changes in class structures. Napkins, often seen as more utilitarian, were favored in more casual settings, whereas serviettes began to denote a touch of class. This distinction persisted into the 19th and early 20th centuries, where the terms became a part of colloquial language that indicated more than just dining habits. It reflected an emphasis on the nuances of British etiquette, teaching us that the language of dining was as much about the food as it was about the societal norms governing those who ate.

https://cozycove.co.uk/why-the-british-refer-to-napkins-as-serviettes-kitchenware-insights#napkin-vs.-serviette-a-delicate-distinction

This site states that the difference is that napkins are cloth and serviettes are more paper-based.

The terms "napkin" and "serviette" are both associated with dining and refer to a piece of material (cloth or paper) that aids in cleanliness. In American English, "napkin" is the more common term used to describe this item. Napkins can be made of cloth or paper and are provided for diners to wipe their mouths or fingers during or after eating. Restaurants often fold cloth napkins in decorative ways, enhancing the dining experience.
.
.
On the other hand, "serviette" is a term primarily used in British English. While it can refer to both cloth and paper napkins, it's more commonly associated with paper napkins. In Britain, if someone asks for a "serviette," they're likely expecting a paper one, whereas a "napkin" might be understood as a cloth one.
https://www.difference.wiki/napkin-vs-serviette/

UPDATE: Here's one that also makes the distinction on its use.

The French court had codes of etiquette for the aristocracy, which included how to use a napkin, when to use it and finally how far to unfold it in the lap. A French treatise dating from 1729 stated that "It is ungentlemanly to use a napkin for wiping the face or scraping the teeth and a most vulgar error to wipe one's nose with it.” This of course is very much still the rule for using a napkin to this day. In 1740 table cloths were made with matching napkins. Dining Napkins can be from 18” x 18” up to 27” x 27”.

Now to a Serviette which is a also piece of cloth or paper and again similar to a napkin but this was used more for meals where you stand up, similar to cocktail napkins. The Chinese are believed to have used paper napkins in 2 BC. A serviette is an old French meaning “to serve”.

In 1954 Nancy Mitford wrote in her essay on “The English Aristocracy” that to say serviette was not correct and the right term is napkin. This of course is a debate that continues as some people mistakenly think that a paper napkin is a serviette which is course is incorrect as a napkin is made from paper as well as cloth. As mentioned, napkin means cloth which is exactly what we use to this very day for formal meals. Paper Napkins tend to be used for cocktail receptions and similar.
https://www.theroyalbutler.co.uk/post/napkin-etiquette

[niyad]

43. Champagne is only correct when one is referring to wines from a

specific region in France. All others are sparkling wines (bubbly, in the vernacular) such as Cavas in Spain, Proseccos in Italy, and the American ones.

[Hassin Bin Sober]

39. The guy would throw a sanitary napkin on the bar.

[Polybius]

41. I had no clue

That explains why I didn't get the joke.

[niyad]

44. Happy we could help.

[Polybius]

45. Thanks!

[louis-t]

37. An old Benny Hill joke.

[Polybius]

42. You should edit, you forgot to put "call" in the title

[Turbineguy]

4. A (soviet) guy

walks into a butcher's shop.

He asks, "Do you have some fish today"

The shopkeeper answers, "We don't have meat here, they don't have fish at the shop across the street!"

[keep_left]

10. That's an old classic from the Cold War days. It was featured...

...in the period drama The Americans, which was set in the last years before the Wall came down. Ironically, the joke appears in the show as part of a conversation between two members of the Rezidentura.

I remember first hearing that joke in the late '80s from a Latvian refugee who obviously was not a big fan of the USSR.

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Americans

[Turbineguy]

12. I should have added:

I read this joke in a book called the "Rosa Luxemburg Contraceptive Cooperative".

About the wonders of the workers paradise. It was a short read.

[Bluethroughu]

5. Hahaha Awesome!

[boonecreek]

6. Another Soviet era joke.

A woman gives her young son some money and tells him
"get me a Pravda, your sister a Komsomol Pravda and your
father an Izvestia." On the way to the newsstand he runs into
the old man who asks where hes going. He tells him "to get
the papers". The old man takes the money saying "we can
get the news from the radio" and heads back to bar. The kid
goes back home and tells his mother what happened. She
gives him more money and tells him "get me a Pravda, your
sister a Komsomol Pravda and your father can wipe his ass
on the radio."

[SCantiGOP]

19. Pravda means "truth" and

Izvestia means “news.”
The old Soviet joke was that there was no Pravda in Izvestia, and no Izvestia in Pravda.

[Marthe48]

21. One of my history teachers told that one

I couldn't remember how it went, but never forgot the gist.

[boonecreek]

22. Yeah, I knew the meaning of tne words,

buy i never heard the joke before. Thanks.

[bif]

28. The Russians used to joke

that every morning they wiped their asses with the truth!

[Liberal In Texas]

25. A Russian worker was asked why he was loafing.

He said,
"They pretend to pay me.
I pretend to work"

[Otto_Harper]

8. The difference between Communism and Capitalism

In Capitalism, man exploits his fellow man. In Communism it is the other way around.

[FoggyLake]

11. Every morning I rush to the internet

...to see if a certain a-hole has croaked. Not a joke. Every. single. morning. And sometimes at night.

[MadameButterfly]

16. I've been watching the news obsessively hoping for his downfall

for 10 years. At first I thought he wouldn't last a year. Politically. Now I think nothing can stop him politically but I don't see him living out his term. And he will disappear from public view long before that.

How that will play out for the rest of us is anyone's guess.

[generalbetrayus]

13. I check Latest Breaking News at DU regularly hoping to

see the obituary I’m (no pun intended) dying to see.

[Wolf Frankula]

14. Here's a Joke from the future.

Three men met in a prison camp. They were asked "Why are you here?" The first one answered, "I'm here because in 2020 I said bad things about Vladimir Putin." The second one answered, "I'm here because in 2025 I said good things about Vladimir Putin." The third one answered, "I'm here because I'm Vladimir Putin."

Wolf

[liberal N proud]

15. Next 4 years, we will all be doing just that

[electric_blue68]

18. Heh, that's a good one.

I've often had that mentally tucked in a corner as I open DU, or Google.

[Grokenstein]

27. I once read a variation of an old Russian joke that went completely over my head at the time.

Russian Actor: "I starred in a great Russian tragedy. Everybody die. I starred in a great Russian comedy. Everybody die. I starred in a great Russian fantasy. Everybody die...but they die happy!"

This was back in the mid-'70s, so I'm paraphrasing from memory here. It stuck with me all this time because I was just too young to get it and that pissed me off. I get it now, and it makes me sad. (And Google has just shown me that it's been told and re-told in various forms throughout the ages.)

[Asarchus45]

30. That sums it up for me

I don’t really care what he may say or do. While I wish him well, I say this in the same spirit as he said it concerning Gisleane Maxwell.

[Drum]

32. I copied this from someone's post on DU in 2022:

Russian waiting in ATM line: “This is f*@#ed up, I'm leaving to go kill Putin.”
Two hours pass and he returns to the line... His friend asks if he did it.
“Are you kidding me? That line is even longer.”

-credit to Unknown Poster

[byronius]

33. I'm reading Patriot by Alexei Navalny --

Every page makes me angry. I get the joke.

[calimary]

34. Wonder how many legions of folks already are doing that very thing.

And how much bigger that number might grow…

Asking for a whole lot of friends.

[3auld6phart]

38. That

Is the same reason I go to DU first thing in the A M.. Hoping to see the Obit of a certain waste of o2 has gone West. . no such luck.
The Orange freak is still here.

[Prairie Gates]

40. I doubt this is a Soviet joke

There's nothing about it that makes it particularly Soviet or even Russian. It could be English, American, German, or whatever.

[Martin68]

47. Wrong. It is a classic. Living in a society where it is very dangerous to criticize the Fearless Leader by name. Same

goes for Iran and N.Korea. Trump would like to institute the same type of laws in the US.

[Prairie Gates]

48. Yeah, I guess, but would love some provenance

[Martin68]

52. I'm surprised you feel the need for provenance on a subject like this. Here's a link to a site that collects old soviet

jokes: https://sovietjokes.blogspot.com/2021/11/a-man-buys-pravda-every-day.html

[DetlefK]

49. I got it from a russian colleague. (nt)

[Martin68]

46. Classic Soviet joke: never name names.

[Martin Eden]

50. A joke in the same vein:

Trump visits a fortune teller. She stares into her crystal ball, and says "I see you at the front of a huge parade with people lining the streets for miles, dancing and singing."

Trump replies "That's great, how do I look?"

"That I cannot see," replies the fortune teller. "The casket is closed."

[J-9]

51. OMG, that was me

1/20/16 thru 1/20/21. Everyone GD day.