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The Borowitz Report-Americans Demand Breathalyzer Be Attached to Pete Hegseth's Phone
“I should never drink and text, and so I am giving up texting,†he said.
— The Borowitz Report (@borowitzreport.bsky.social) 2025-03-24T21:43:09.501Z
https://www.borowitzreport.com/p/americans-demand-breathalyzer-be
WASHINGTON (The Borowitz Report)—Amid the outcry over the leaking of top-secret war plans, on Monday millions of Americans called for a breathalyzer to be attached to Pete Hegseth’s phone.
In an emotional apology at the Pentagon, Hegseth said that someone in his position “should never drink and text, and so I am giving up texting.”
According to national security experts, a journalist was given access to highly sensitive war plans that are normally available only to people using a public bathroom at Mar-a-Lago.
In an emotional apology at the Pentagon, Hegseth said that someone in his position “should never drink and text, and so I am giving up texting.”
According to national security experts, a journalist was given access to highly sensitive war plans that are normally available only to people using a public bathroom at Mar-a-Lago.
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