I AM PAM BONDI'S SHINY GOLD CROSS NECKLACE

[demmiblue]

In the beginning was the Word,
and the Word was with God,
and the Word was “accessorize.”

I am equal parts holy relic and regional pageant tiara. I am crucifix and courtroom bling. I am a sacrament. I am a statement piece.

I am forged of divine gold sourced from the sacred hills of Medjugorje. I was purchased at a Miami-Dade jewelry store that is really a front for a Medicare fraud scheme. As God intended.

I sit just above the sternum, where Christ’s unblemished mercy meets freckled cleavage. I hang, heavily and blessedly, where divinity schmoozes décolletage on the clavicular altar of Florida’s own Evangelical Barbie.

I repel Stephen Miller. I have felt the breath of Bret Baier. I have grazed Ron DeSantis’s nipples during an awkward hug at a prayer breakfast fundraiser. RFK Jr. has used me to draw fault lines in the finest Colombian snow of West Palm. Lindsey Graham clutches me during thunderstorms.

…

I am bigger than Kayleigh McEnany’s cross. Her cross sayeth, “Ecclesiastes and Etsy.” I sayeth, “A reading from the Gospel according to 👊 🇺🇲🍺”

More: https://www.mcsweeneys.net/articles/i-am-pam-bondis-shiny-gold-cross-necklace

[flamingdem]

1. Now do Karoline Leavitt

She's not as tacky as Bondi but that nose job bob makes her look like Ms. Piggy!

[TexLaProgressive]

2. First time I heard her with her sanctimonious cross

My thought was she is lying about her name. It must actually be Karolying Leave it. Not prone to giving nick names to public or private people but she is such a bold liar while wearing the symbol of Christ's sacrifice.

Not leave Bondi out, I suspect that her first name begins with S as in Spam.

eom

[BurnDoubt]

10. Oh, KKKaroline, No!

[AllaN01Bear]

15. and the flag and the constitution.

[madamesilverspurs]

4. Well done. And spot on.

Now they need to do one on Mike Johnson's King James kneepads . . .


.

[BurnDoubt]

8. Doesn't he have an alarm for that?

Or maybe a "horny horn"???

[peggysue2]

5. LOL

Worth reading the whole piece at McSweeney's. Although I must say--love that first line!

[emulatorloo]

6. Brilliant! I love McSweeney's

Thanks so much for posting

[Irish_Dem]

7. A symbol of someone being tortured and killed seems appropriate for the Trump tramps.

[BurnDoubt]

9. Implying JC was a "sucker and a loser"...

"What was in it for him?" I guess if you're sanctimonious, it plays. They're building a faux-gold shitter for him in Hell. Can't wait.......

[calimary]

11. I dunno ... THIS just might be the gonzo-greatest DU post EVER!!!

And including the replies!!!

[Uncle Joe]

12. Excellent, except

for the part about DeSantis nipples, now I need brain bleach.

Thanks for the thread demmiblue

[CloudWatcher]

13. Eye bleach

Well the original article didn't have a pix, so like a brain dead fool I went googling and now I'm in desperate need of eye bleach.

Please learn from my errors and don't search. Really. But if you must, her wikipedia page has a good pix of the cross on her chest. Ugh. I think she needs an SS uniform.

Tinyurl so that it *doesn't* autoload: https://tinyurl.com/f38zrmes

[Hekate]

14. The article in its entirety is Awesome!

[1WorldHope]

16. This is fantastic. I'd never seen this sight before.

I may have to become a patron. Thank you demmiblue!

[DownriverDem]

17. repub Christians

drive me crazy. They do not follow the Prince of Peace. They do not follow the Sermon on the Mount. They are such hypocrites.

[mountain grammy]

18. Excellent!

and thank you so much for introducing me to another satire site.. they are bookmarked.

[dchill]

19. Read the whole thing! Burning in brilliance.

[JohnnyLib2]

20. GREAT post!

[Joinfortmill]

21. Rofl

[Paladin]

22. What a conundrum: Made of solid gold, but feeling so CHEAP! (nt)