Every morning, I walk my little pup at 5:30 am

[Javaman]

I do this because, here in Texas, we are entering into the "face of the sun" season of heat.

it's reasonable cool. between 72 and 75. but the humidity is such that those "cool" temps don't really feel all that cool.

but it's my dog I worry about. He's a mystery mutt rescue. He found me. but he's on in years. 14 1/2. he takes his time now. He "moseying" more.

but for his age he's in pretty good shape. but I know, in a few years, he will be gone from mine and Mrs Javaman's life. the thought of that breaks my hearts.

Why am I writing this?

I work primarily from home. And my little pup has this amazing ability to know when I'm very stressed out. At his advanced age, he sleeps a lot now, but when I'm particularly stressed out by work, he gets up and nuzzles my hand. I pet him and that calms me right down.

he's such a good boy.

lately, I've been more stressed. I'm sure we all have been. I try to stay hopeful, but as one gets on in years, I get more cautious, not fearful necessarily, but worried about the people I love. Worried about my granddaughter and the future she's facing. worry about friends and family, worry about bills, worry about climate change, worry about people that now have to do without, worry about so much that we all should not have to ordinarily have to worry about.

and here comes my pup to help me.

when I walk alone in the mornings with him, I tend, I guess, like most people in quiet moments, to ponder the mysteries of the universe. Our place in this world and those that count on us. Will that get done? can I still do that? will there be time?

I look to the sky. what stars and planets I can still see that aren't choked by pollution helps me center. we are so very small. so insignificant in the grand scheme of things, but yet, I worry. While we are teeny tiny in the large sense, we are still here and still have things that concern us all.

will our nation still be here a year from now? will we have another election? how many people will be rounded up? how will our rights be further degraded to the point of diminishing returns? What will the heat be like this year? will there be water or power shortages?

I like to joke about people, who aren't from Texas, complaining about how the orange asshole fucking us over, and I say, "welcome to Texas" LOL Meaning, living in Texas and if you are a Dem, you have always been fucked over.

I used to live in blues states. Life was so much better by a factor of 1000. So when I hear conservatives complaining about how bad they have it in a blue state, I tell them, move to a red state and see how it is. some get it and shut their trap, most don't. I just give them my pity at their ignorance. I also like to say that Texas is the state that tells all the others to "hold my beer".

But now, it's so much worse and it ain't getting better anytime soon. and this is what is coming to the rest of the nation if something is not done.

you see, Texas is the coming attractions.

so I walk my pup, I look at the empty street and listen to the quiet. and I think, "fuck, we're on our own now".

cheers to all here.

hug those you love a little extra tight.

never pass up a moment to tell those around them how much they mean to you.

to all those on DU that have read my ramblings over the years, thank you so much for being there for me. This is one of those times.

[hlthe2b]

1. I understand more than you know. My girlie just turned 14 and we walk pre-dawn every day--meeting

a couple of dog-walking friends at a nearby lake/park to walk. She's my sanity, and I try to work from home as much as possible just to be with her. At her age, she becomes more anxious when I'm not there (and I can't help but think of her being home alone).

Yes, I'm in Colorado, and I would live out my days here if at all possible. But my older sister has health issues and I cannot pry her out of Atlanta. To all who love GA and Atlanta, this isn't a slam, but my love is my home state, Colorado (albeit I lived all over the country growing up). So, I may have to move to be with her.

So, for now, I am procrastinating greatly, making any decisions, and hugging my sweet old pup as much as possible. I just can't fathom leaving, but I won't leave her. Until then, early mornings are hers, for sure.

[AnotherMother4Peace]

2. Love your post. I feel the same about my four geriatric cats. They came to me

as kittens from different circumstances.

The one from the woodpile was supposed to just stay the weekend, until the animal shelter opened. That was 16 years ago.

The other came from the county dump. She's the one that waits for me to go to bed so she can cuddle up next to me and use my arm as her pillow. Our bed time is now becoming early evening to escape by watching old movies and comedies.

One actually cost someone $600.00!!!

And the last one came out of a canyon. He lived on bugs and had the smelliest poop. He still likes evenings in the backyard to watch for moths.

[slightlv]

10. I'm with you Mother4Peace...

I have 7 cats, 3 of whom are geriatric. The rest are middle age, and one just 2 years old. I lost 3 of my queens last year, and it nearly broke my heart... especially one who succumbed to an undiagnosed acute diabetic attack. He was my absolute luv... looked me with such adoring eyes as he curled in my arm. I can't bear to think of him without tearing up and screaming why didn't I and my vet see this coming on beforehand? I know I'm not to blame, but I still blame myself everyday. The one baby I feel like I failed.

Meantime, I have three adults here from the same feral litter. Two are my nursemaids; one is intent on cheering me up as best he can. I love all those I have left, and I'm sheer mother terror with every little cough they get these days. I get woke up by one with a soft paw on my cheek, her brother (who looks just like her) greets me with a paw on the shoulder to let me know he can see a spot of empty bowl in his bowl of crunchies. The one who wants to make me laugh walks over my full bladder and races me to the bathroom.

There are days when I feel so isolated and, now that I'm retired, totally at odds with myself. How does a Type A transition to a Type C... especially when their body is working against them? But then my nursemaids come in and lay across my arms as I try to type here on DU, and I hear the insistent purr -- the one sound that should be named the most calming sound in the Universe. And I move on to the next moment, the next evening, and then the next morning... and, like Javaman, wonder what I'm suppose to do here now, and will I have time to discover and accomplish it.

[AnotherMother4Peace]

20. Your post made me laugh/cry - just like our pets do. My son still blames himself for "not doing enough"

for our geriatric street cat, even when he did so much, including giving him a good life. So be easy with yourself - you loved your queen and she loved you. Find joy and solace in that and understand that there was really nothing you could do. Let time heal and bring you comforting memories.

I love your post and that you took the time to write it.

Sometimes our fur babies just make us slow down, step out of ourselves to listen to them purr, and of course to pet them.

[elocs]

22. A year ago now my cow cat, Spike, was nearly 14 & unknown to me he just had 2 months to live.

Markings like a Holstein, Spike was unusual in having a black mustache and a chin beard. He was a people cat who loved everyone, would meet them at the mailboxes in front of the house, check them out and then flop over on his side with a "you may pet me now" attitude. He got sick out of nowhere, stopped eating and drinking and hide in places I didn't know existed. I was with him, holding him through his last moments.
My remaining cat is an 8 year old tortoiseshell calico. She will be my last. I've lived through the deaths of way too many pets, so after this one, and she might out-live me, no more. I just don't have the heart to go through it again.

I thought I'd have myself an uneventful and quiet retirement until a couple of million voters betrayed that dream last year. Even if we survive this mess, this nation will never be the same again. How is it possible that this could all happen in less than half a year?

[slightlv]

32. Oh, elocs... I know of what you speak and feel!

One Thanksgiving, we had a bruiser of a cat come for dinner and stay... seriously! He had one ear nearly half bit off. He looked like he could give as good as he could get, too. We had no idea how old he was, or how long he'd been out on the streets. He certainly was a street savvy cat, and smart as a whip, to boot. We called him "Lucky." One night he was laying in front of the fireplace and I went over to hug him and give him a kiss goodnight. Next morning I went to tell him "breakfast" only to find he'd passed in the night in the same position as when I kissed him the night before. I was nearly inconsolable. That this cat, who'd we only befriended for a few months, could make such a mark on our hearts is testament to the way the Universe works, I guess.

The previous year, a small black, obviously sick cat found it's way to our house. I took it upstairs and isolated it from everyone else. I stayed up with it all that night, talking to it and giving it my love, until hubby could take it the Human Society vet the next morning. Turns out the poor thing had HIV and died then and there. I think he was just looking and hoping to find someplace soft to spend his last hours. Thankfully, he found such a place.

I've got adults here who may out live me, and I worry about them. But my grandson has moved in with us and promises to take care of them should anything happen. And they love on him and vice versa. But I have one huge Norwegian who is the biggest scaredy cat in the world. Terrified of everything. One time he got out of the house into the backyard, climbed about 6 feet of a tree trunk, and then hung there howling for me to rescue him! (LOL) But he's as afraid of people as he is of the world, in general... tho I've never figured out why. He found us as a tiny young kitten and he certainly had nothing to fear his entire life in our house. But he trusts me with everything he's got. If for no other reason than being here for him, he keeps me alive.

I do miss a kitten, tho. And think how wonderful it would be to go through the kitten stages into adulthood with them. For the first time since I became an adult, I don't have a black cat nor do I have a pure white cat. And I would love to have a small black kitten. But the Universe has always led the needy ones to me; so, if the Universe sees fit, our paths will cross. If not, I have my adults to love on like crazy. And Cami to reassure... the big scaredy cat!

[elocs]

34. This is what happens when you get old...pets die, people die--not just parents and relatives,

but people I grew up with and knew as a kid. Lifelong music and movie heroes die. Old sports heroes die. Your life tends to become a scab of regret of things you wish you had done differently. Old age is not for sissies, man or woman.

[MagickMuffin]

3. Yes, Javaman, Texas republicans have ruined our great state

Ever since Turdblossom Rove started his politics of destruction Texas has never been the same. Bush, Perry, and Abbott have been responsible for the destruction and hatred of the Democratic Party, although they have help from very wealthy benefactors.

I’m 5th Gen Texan, and have been considering other states to move to. Texas is becoming too authoritarian and dangerous for my lifestyle.

I’m glad you have pup. I’m sure he gives you reassurances that you can feel all those emotions bottled up and he’s there to help wipe up the mess that erupts from it.

Hold on to pup. He is your lifeline for emotional support. Animals are great at that.

[ananda]

4. Our officials kept getting worse since Bush was governor...

and now we're down to the lowest common denominator.

I just keep thinking they can't get any worse... but then
they do.

[IrishBubbaLiberal]

7. My wife's Hispanic family has been in New Spain...err,,, Texas...since 1718

Texas

THE Backward State.
It’s State Government run by Knuckle-dragger Republicans.

But I try to limit my ‘news’ these days on anything related toTexas politicians,
So I can keep my sanity.

Local politicians in Texas big cities are indeed mainly ALL Democrats,
But it’s the damn state nutjobs running the state now.

My wife’s family has been here way before any of the Gringos got to Texas.

Part of founders of what became San Antonio,
Founding family of Laredo.

One of the first Hispanics, if not THE first killed by Indians in Bahia, just after French left that ‘fort’ in 1723

https://www.hmdb.org/m.asp?m=139178

https://www.tshaonline.org/handbook/entries/nuestra-senora-de-loreto-de-la-bahia-presidio

[slightlv]

12. When I lived in Texas, it was under Democratic governors

and it was good. I loved it. I loved it so much that, I called Kansas my home of birth, and Texas my home of heart. But Texas has broken my heart so many times since then, that when my SIL said she and her hubby her moving back to retire, I cried... not just because I was going to miss them with all my heart, but because I was actually afraid for her. And to this day, I will no longer eat shrimp, because of all the CoRexit they dumped in the Gulf (as well as the oil spills on the other coasts). I had planned all my youthful years to retire in Galveston, I loved the city that much. But the Deep Water Horizon killed that dream, as did all the oil refineries and chemical plants spewing their poisons in the air. Not to mention that with my dark black hair I was once mistaken for a native when visiting Mexico (I'm black [Spanish] Irish). The love of my young life was a guy of Mexican descent, and I couldn't stand the harassment he received when I lived there. And I can only imagine how much horribly worse it is now.

At this point, tho, I don't know which state is worse -- Texas or Florida -- as far as fascism is concerned. But I've never lived in Florida. I only know I'll never travel south of the Mason Dixon line again... and I honestly don't feel safe traveling anywhere in the U.S. anymore.

[DENVERPOPS]

18. Hey MM

come to Colorado, tons of your fellow Texans are already escaping and arriving daily.....Along with tons of Floridians..........

[JustAnotherGen]

5. Love this!

My little uncle Ruckus just 'knows'. He's our pet who has been trained/certified to be my husband and other veterans support pup. He can wake my husband up from a ptsd night terror. The love he shows to other veterans.

Dogs are amazing.

[BaronChocula]

6. I have a friend

She grew up in Ohio in a republican family. I met her here in Los Angeles. Great person, but held on to those political values for so long probably out of fear. She eventually did undergo somewhat of a political evolution. Anyway, about seven years ago she decided she would retire to Texas (Dallas/Fort Worth area) having heard good things about it from acquaintances I guess (?).

After going through a winter freeze in a state intentionally incapable of delivering services to its people and going through a pandemic where people refused to wear masks, she's back in California.

Hoping you stay safe and out of harm's way.

Also...
I had a great dog and I never knew just how sensitive he was to other's needs until I hung up the phone from finding out my mother had just passed. He came in from another room and attacked me with kisses from out of nowhere.

[Hekate]

8. Texas, once home to Ann Richards, LBJ, Molly Ivins. Could happen again, but not in my lifetime...

I’m kinda old to be looking for a turnaround soon.

Thanks for sharing your walk with us. Give doggo a pat from me. 💕

[Demovictory9]

9. Its so strange how Texas politicians keep inventing more draconian laws to pass and Texans

Keep electing them! I don't understand.

Anyway..thanks for your thoughts

[slightlv]

13. I graduated from the University of Texas at San Antonio...

but there's something wrong, to my way of thinking, when a University (UT Austin) can demolish an entire block and more of occupied homes simply because they want a new parking lot there.

[elleng]

11. Thanks for this, Javaman.

[Jkanad]

14. I so enjoyed reading this

I walk my 15-year old Cockapoo twice daily and enjoy the peace and insights I get during those times.

[1WorldHope]

15. Java Man, you do not live alone with your fears.

I appreciate you sharing them. I was sitting here being a bit impatient waiting for my husband to get ready so we can go shopping.
I opened DU and read your post. It immediately calmed me down knowing this is a little. Thank you and big the pup. I hug mine daily.

[littlemissmartypants]

16. ❤️

[Figarosmom]

17. Good walk.

As I say, it's those good Ole negative ions working on your brain. Being outdoors helps our brains work things out.

My cat is really old too and every morning if he's not in my bed or standing in the door of his room to be fed first thing in the morning I start to panic. Afraid he's gone.

Last night I pre-ordered some tulips for my giant sidewalk pots. I was thinking how pretty the apricot color of the tulips would look in the dark blue pots. Then I thought, will I even be here in tbe spring to see them?

Especially with the garden I keep sowing seeds that won't bloom the first year, or putting in bulbs that will take years to naturalize, hoping that having something to look forward to gives the body reason to continue and not give out on me.

And I worry about the world my kids, grandkids and great grandkids are left with.

[Easterncedar]

31. To garden requires hope

Perhaps some of the beauty will survive us, but at least I give the neighbors a smile.

[Figarosmom]

33. When people walk by and

I'm outside working in the front garden almost every single one says my garden makes them smile. Mothers bring their little ones over to watch the butterflies and humming birds.

It does make me happy to bring smiles to the world.

[JMCKUSICK]

19. Thanks for such a wonderful post Javaman.

My 15:year old Petunia is starting to struggle physically and yet she is as devoted to me as ever.
I have started walking Cuddles earlier in the day as the upper 80's with the humidity here in South Central Illinois is brutal here too
It's every bit as red here as red Texas as the Trump flags and signs are everywhere. I hope you find the opportunity to leave Texas and get to a healthier place for you and your baby should you choose to.
Best of luck Javaman

[Fla Dem]

21. A thoughtful and mindful post.

Thank you for taking the time to share with us you inner most feelings. Right now much of what you expressed is exactly how I feel. I think as you get on in age, me in my 70's and you have friends and family passing on you begin to try to put your life and what future you have in perspective.

I am generally a positive thinking person. I don't know if it's the current national crisis we are going through, or just that I am getting older, but I am having a hard time putting a positive spin on the remaining time I have, hopefully 10 years not sure about 20.

Again a wonderful post. Hope you, your wife and pup have many good years ahead.

[Vinca]

23. What a touching piece. May you have many more years with the snuggling pup.

[BigmanPigman]

24. My tiny dog would kiss me and kiss me

when I was stressed. The last 4 years were during tTump's 1st term and I feel guilty for that. My stress made her stressed and senior doggies need rest and peace. My home was not peaceful when I would rant and rave about the fucking moron.

[hamsterjill]

25. I run a cat sanctuary in Texas, and I am in my sixties.

I wonder about many of the same things you do. Will I exist long enough to finish the job of allowing these fur babies to live out THEIR lives? Will I be able to make ends meet and keep them fed? I constantly worry about the a/c working and the power grid. I worry about food shortages.

Yes, Texas is a stressor all in its own right. I understand completely what you are saying. Your comment "you see, Texas is the coming attractions" is spot on, and people who don't see that are fooling themselves. Texas has been the testing ground for the far-fetched Republican ideas. If they got away with it here, they are more apt to try it elsewhere.

Sending hugs because that's all I can do right now.

[Karadeniz]

26. Totally understand.....

[Clouds Passing]

27. Keep walking that pup Javaman. And take deep breaths.

[SARose]

28. We walk our 16 year old doxie

In the early morning now. I, too, live in Texas and the doors of Hell are beginning to open again.

The sidewalks are too hot for him from noon on. Vet told us if you can’t walk barefoot on the surface neither can he.

We hose down the patio pavers in the back yard before we let him out in the afternoon now - cools us off, too.

[IcyPeas]

29. Pets 💙

[Easterncedar]

30. Thoughtful and beautiful

Lovely writing. I so often go through very nearly the same waves of emotion. We are all in this together, and so we keep on. Hugs to you, Javaman.

[malaise]

35. Nice post

Rec

[mountain grammy]

36. Lovely post.

We lost our little guy 2 years ago. When we adopted him the vet said 5 years at most. We had him 10. He did great until the last year and we knew he was done. Miss that little guy.

Loved your post.

[Alice Kramden]

37. We're all in this together

Thanks for the thoughtful post

[KPN]

38. I started responding yesterday, but got interrupted and never did post so I'm back this morning to say

this OP absolutely made my day yesterday.

My response yesterday had been something like "Bookmarking as one of those few great and wonderful "ramblings" here over the years at DU that I absolutely must preserve." It was such a great, great story. And one that I identify with fully. Like you these days, my wife and I get so much needed joy from our two lovable best-friends, our pets. They consistently remind us of all that is good and thereby give us hope for the future in this troubled world.

Thanks for a wonderful piece of prose.