If Turnip and Stephen Miller share a patron saint, it is surely Procrustes, the mad hotelier.

[eppur_se_muova]

In Greek mythology, Procrustes (/proʊˈkrʌstiːz/; Greek: Προκρούστης Prokroustes, "the stretcher [who hammers out the metal]" ), also known as Prokoptas, Damastes (Δαμαστής, "subduer" ) or Polypemon, was a rogue smith and bandit from Attica who attacked people by stretching them or cutting off their legs, so as to force them to fit the size of an iron bed.

The word Procrustean is thus used by analogy to describe, for example, situations where an arbitrary standard is used to measure success, while completely disregarding obvious harm that results from the effort.
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Procrustes had a stronghold on Mount Korydallos at Erineus, on the sacred way between Athens and Eleusis.[3] There he had a bed, in which he invited every passer-by to spend the night, and where he set to work on them with his smith's hammer, to stretch them to fit. In later tellings, if the guest proved too tall, Procrustes would amputate the excess length; if the guest was too short Procrustes would stretch them until they died; nobody ever fit the bed exactly.[4] Procrustes continued his reign of terror until he was captured by Theseus, travelling to Athens along the sacred way, who "fitted" Procrustes to his own bed:

He killed Damastes, surnamed Procrustes, by compelling him to make his own body fit his bed, as he had been wont to do with those of strangers. And he did this in imitation of Heracles. For that hero punished those who offered him violence in the manner in which they had plotted to serve him.[5]

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A Procrustean bed is an arbitrary standard to which exact conformity is forced. (numerous examples are listed)
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more: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Procrustes

[cachukis]

1. Nice allusion.