'Big Balls' Is Now at the Social Security Administration

[littlemissmartypants]

By Makena Kelly, Jake Lahut, and Vittoria ElliottPoliticsJun 26, 2025 6:05 PM

Edward “Big Balls” Coristine, one of the first young technologists brought on to Elon Musk’s so-called Department of Government Efficiency (DOGE), has returned to government shortly after resigning.

“Edward Coristine joined the Social Security Administration this week as a special government employee,” Stephen McGraw, an SSA spokesperson, tells WIRED. “His work will be focused on improving the functionality of the Social Security website and advancing our mission of delivering more efficient service to the American people.

”Multiple sources at the SSA tell WIRED that Coristine has appeared in person to work onsite at the agency’s Woodlawn, Maryland, headquarters. One SSA employee says they saw Coristine with DOGE engineer Aram Moghaddassi, a current X and former Neuralink employee deployed at the agency. The pair was spotted at the SSA cafeteria as recently as Monday, although it’s unclear what day this week Coristine’s employment officially began. “Coristine looked nervous, almost embarrassed,” the SSA source says. “Aram was on the phone with someone … then said, ‘Yes, I’m with him right now,’ gesturing to Big Balls.
Snip...
”https://www.wired.com/story/big-balls-social-security-administration/

In March, WIRED learned that DOGE was putting together a team to migrate the SSA's computer systems entirely off one of its oldest programming languages in a matter of months, potentially putting the integrity of the system—and the benefits on which tens of millions of Americans rely—at risk.

— WIRED (@wired.com) 2025-06-26T22:11:45.407Z

In March, WIRED learned that DOGE was putting together a team to migrate the SSA's computer systems entirely off one of its oldest programming languages in a matter of months, potentially putting the integrity of the system—and the benefits on which tens of millions of Americans rely—at risk.

[Doodley]

1. How can he be trusted to even sharpen the pencils?

[LuckyCharms]

2. SSA is housing him in an airplane hangar.

It's the only building that is large enough to house his planet-size balls.

[True Dough]

5. Someone

should put those balls in a vice.

[LuckyCharms]

6. They don't make a vice that is

large enough to hold those galaxy-size balls.

[vapor2]

3. How are these guys qualified? Vetted? Security Clearance?

They need to FO

[dalton99a]

4. Kick