The Borowitz Report-God Formally Notifies Mike Johnson That he is Going to Hell

[LetMyPeopleVote]

God Formally Notifies Mike Johnson That he is Going to Hell

— The Borowitz Report (@borowitzreport.bsky.social) 2025-07-03T14:47:37.496Z

https://www.borowitzreport.com/p/god-formally-notifies-mike-johnson

WASHINGTON (The Borowitz Report)—In a move that many said was long overdue, on Thursday God formally notified House Speaker Mike Johnson that he was going to Hell.

In a rare public statement, the Almighty said that Johnson’s role in shepherding Donald J. Trump’s so-called “Big, Beautiful Bill” through the House was the “last straw” that sealed the Speaker’s eternal damnation.

“What do you do with someone who cuts Medicaid when 40 percent of his own constituents rely on it?” God asked. “You send his ass to Hell, that’s what.”

The Heavenly Father also questioned the bill’s allocation of $45 billion for a border wall, since the rest of the bill makes the U.S. someplace no one in their right mind would immigrate to.

[cbabe]

1. Matthew 4:9

Satan takes Christ to the mountain top. Shows him all the wealth of all the kingdoms saying, ‘All this can be yours if you bow down and worship me.’

[Jack Valentino]

2. I think I see a 666 coming up on his forehead...

[Wiz Imp]

3. You know, I have a feeling that this one just might be true.

[Emile]

4. K & R

[Yo_Mama_Been_Loggin]

5. On his way

And there are no ice cubes in hell MAGA Mike