Spurious News: Trump thrown into Alligator Auschwitz, immediately deported to Slovenia!
ALLIGATOR AUSCHWITZ, FLA (Spurious News Network) -- King Donald Trump recently made a decision that will have significant import not only on the lives of millions, but on his own.
"If you're married to an illegal alien," Trump said in a press conference, "you're just as guilty as the illegal alien is. We're going to deport the illegal alien, we're going to deport you, we're going to deport your kids, we're going to deport your relatives, your neighbors, your friends, we're going to deport anyone who doesn't do anything to stop you."
Todd Lyons, Acting Director of Immigration and Customs Enforcement, asked King Donald if that order applied to all "illegal aliens." When King Donald confirmed that it did, Director Lyons informed him that, due to issues surrounding First Lady Melania Trump's "Einstein visa" entry into the United States her citizenship had been revoked and that King Donald himself was subject to deportation. He was quickly surrounded by eight retired NFL defensive linemen and taken into custody. Trump's Secret Service detail quickly acted, surrounding the retired linemen...facing outward so as to defend the linemen from Trump's rabid fan base as they did their jobs.
Within hours Trump was taken to Dade-Collier Training and Transition Airport, where a tent city prison that has gained the unfortunate but probably appropriate nickname of "Alligator Auschwitz" was hastily erected. He was quickly processed and loaded onto a United States Air Force C-130J Hercules cargo plane for shipment to Slovenia, the birthplace of his current wife. He entered Slovenia through use of the Air Force's Low-Altitude Parachute Extraction System; Trump was strapped to an airlift pallet, the C-130 descended to three feet off the ground, and a small parachute dragged the pallet with Trump on it out of the aircraft.
An ICE officer who participated in Trump's deportation processing claimed innocence. "Don't look at me, man. I was only following orders."
Slovenian President Natasa Pirc Musar has officially petitioned ICE to reverse its decision and remove him from Slovenia. "We don't want him here," said President Musar. "All he does is eat, lose golf balls that we already had a shortage of before he got here, and stir up dissent. If you could take him back and send us a few street gang members, we'd be grateful."