"Alpha Males" have officially lost the plot (Warning: Puke inducing)

[Coventina]

I'm not going to provide any links, but a simple internet search will provide the backing for this post.


So, apparently it is "gay" now to wipe after pooping.
No man should touch his own....you know!!

Women are increasingly complaining about men who leave "skid marks" on sheets after intimate encounters, and men who just, um, stink in general.

The idea is that "real men" shouldn't need toilet paper because other animals don't use it in nature.
Needing to use toilet paper shows you have an "emasculated" GI tract. (What?!?!?!)

OK, I've had pets all my life and yes, generally there isn't a big problem "down there" but even my pets needed a little help once in a while.

WTF is wrong with these guys?

This is not a masculinity issue, it's a health and hygiene issue!

I need to go lie down and try to think happy thoughts for awhile......

[Scrivener7]

1. But if women don't want to sleep with them it's because they're [insert gendered insult of your choice here.]

[Attilatheblond]

2. Saw TV ad last night: Dude Wipes

Evidently real men now have baby wipes to tidy themselves with.... and clog up their sewer lines. I reckon REAL men will soon learn how/why plungers work.

[Ms. Toad]

19. My daughter uses those.

They save her a lot of pain. (She has ulcerative colitis, and runs the gamut from diarrhea to constipation.)

[Intractable]

3. Perhaps if we had more "natural" diets, there wouldn't be as many poop stains.

Perhaps if those men were better toilet trained by their parents ...

[Permanut]

4. I'm thinking they should smoke and drink a lot too..

Hand washing and showers are out. Other animals don't brush their teeth or wear shoes, and they don't wear MAGA hats or any other kind of hat. And they don't need no stinkin' forks for eating.

I mean, if you're going to do the alpha male thing you're a poser and a fake if you just do one or two manly things.

[Ocelot II]

75. But animals do clean themselves with their own tongues.

So if these alpha males want to emulate their animal brethren they should be licking their nether regions with one leg behind their head, like dogs.

[unblock]

5. Alpha males are such delicate flowers.

What with their fragile egos and sensitive nether regions....

[Ocelot II]

6. I made the mistake of googling this.

I'm so glad I'm too old to be dating.

[Coventina]

8. I know, right?

The dating pool is now officially a cesspit!

[Jack Valentino]

41. I always made it a point to shave and shower and brush teeth before a date,

even if I had done so that morning (which I usually had)...


"This shit" is beyond my comprehension... perhaps a good-sized hemorrhoid would help to educate them...

[Ars Longa]

76. You weren't kidding about the EWWW thing!

Were you??

[Renew Deal]

35. I did after reading your post

It looks like this has been going on at least 5 years with some people.

[mdbl]

74. I wonder if they even use toilets anymore - do they just squat anywhere outside?

My dog does that. Just wondering.

[DBoon]

7. So "alpha males" use a bidet instead?

[Coventina]

9. Unfortunately, no.

[Ocelot II]

11. They don't use anything.

Wiping their butts or anything that involves spreading their cheeks is considered gay.

[CrispyQ]

30. But aren't alot of them into anal sex? -nt

[Jack Valentino]

42. They are obviously very insecure about their own masculinity....

"homosexual panic" it was sometimes called at one time

[Metaphorical]

10. I think it's partially a problem of obesity

At some point, it just becomes difficult to reach that part of the body.

Also, I have to wonder how much of this may be a side effect of covid, which famously reduced the sense of smell, potentially permanently (we just don't know yet).

[Ocelot II]

15. Obesity has nothing to do with it, neither does their sense of smell.

They think touching their own buttholes makes them gay.

[tulipsandroses]

12. Not The Onion???

This is disgusting.
How did this become a thing?? But then again tucker told them to sun tan their balls so I guess....

[flvegan]

13. I wish I could un-read this.

I've got a number of these wanna-be "alpha males" at my gym, and now I'm going to question the gym equipment after they use it.

[Coventina]

16. I'm so sorry. One of women who dumped (no pun intended) her poopy boyfriend

Said that it was so nice to sit on the couch and not worry about it anymore.

Good grief!

[MuseRider]

28. Oh no,

I have read all the way down to this and reading that ....oh I don't know, made me sick and sad and laugh like crazy. I am glad my boys are men, all paired up and would NEVER even begin to host an idea like that. ooooooooo gads

[Jack Valentino]

43. So the reason some magats can't get laid, maybe more reasons besides their

nasty-ass politics....

[angrychair]

14. Human race is doomed

Doomed. American society is such a selfish, narcissistic and fragile lot.

[Ocelot II]

17. It's not just American alpha males.

https://metro.co.uk/2017/10/29/toxic-masculinity-is-preventing-some-men-from-wiping-their-bums-properly-7036601/

[newdeal2]

18. I'm guessing this demo overlaps with people who are obsessed over seed oils in their food

[Jack Valentino]

44. I think it definitely overlaps with some MAGA...

[NickB79]

61. And carnivore diets

Maybe it's the utter lack of fiber?

[newdeal2]

65. Yes, I think I was thinking of paleo diets or whatever it is called now. All meat

Or raw milk.

[Dulcinea]

20. If someone has to tell the world he's an alpha male...

...he's not an alpha male. Plus, real men don't smell like butt. Gross!

[Jack Valentino]

45. They don't smell like butt, they smell like SHIT!

[fujiyamasan]

21. This could be good for overpopulation

[EdmondDantes_]

22. Well at least you can lay on your bed without worrying about unfortunate stains

But I have to mildly disagree with your claim that the Alpha Bros have lost the plot. What plot did those neanderthals ever have to lose?

[GaYellowDawg]

23. Proctophobia?

Would that be the correct term?

[JI7]

24. I read about this recently and was going to post about it

but I was so disgusted and hoping it wasn't true.

But from what I read they think they will turn gay if they wipe their asses so they don't.

I don't remember the exact sources but I read about it while looking into the anti transgender thing and how it affected voting.

It mentioned some other things like on Fox news some guy saying it was gay for a man to say happy birthday to another man if they were not related.

[UpInArms]

52. Oh my!

But from what I read they think they will turn gay if they wipe their asses so they don't.

From what I know, they will stink like shit if they don’t wipe their asses.

[Wounded Bear]

25. Real men don't worry a lot about what others' definition of a man is...

Oh, and they practice basic hygiene.

[nocoincidences]

26. Prostate orgasm

If they rub that area in the right/wrong way they might get that "gay twinge", you know....

Best to avoid it altogether.

[Ms. Toad]

27. This sounds like the left's counter to the right's nonsense

that furries are demanding litter boxes in bathrooms.

I suspect there's as much truth in one as there is in the other.

[BOSSHOG]

29. Well there ya have it, I guess I'm Gay

I’m kinda Anal about cleanliness all over. We got toilet paper to last us trumps last term. It’s a pain in the ass adjusting to his time in Washington.

[Jack Valentino]

47. Me too, brother. I wiped today.... guess that means we should have a drink together!

Just kidding, but what the everlasting fuck....

I'm secure enough in my hetero masculinity to make gay come-on jokes to my friends,
guess these guys will never enjoy that sort of humor...

[BOSSHOG]

60. Hey Jack, First rounds on me

Remember the good old days when Alpha Males got drunk and threw axes at each other in a parking lot.

It’s been decades since I came across any conservative with a sense of humor.

[D_Master81]

31. What??! Haha

This has to be someone starting it to “Punk” these dudes. This can’t be real 😂

[nocoincidences]

32. Here's a source...

https://www.webmd.com/sex/prostate-orgasm-what-it-is

[Aristus]

33. I wish I could understand what's supposed to be masculine about this.

I’ve been a neatnik and a cleanliness enthusiast all my life. Everything stays clean. If it gets dirty, I clean it thoroughly soon after.

I’ve had some success with women. I’ve never, ever had one of them say to me “I wish you didn’t smell so good. I wish you smelled like shit. You know: masculine.”

Got to wonder about some guys…

[Jack Valentino]

49. Could explain part of 'the Trump smell'--- he thinks he's an 'alpha male' too....

[JustAnotherGen]

34. My husband

Would get divorce papers so damn fast.

[Renew Deal]

36. Partners should immediately end it with anyone that has very strange practices like this.

It always gets worse. Someone going down this type of road is obviously easily distractable and easily mislead, and a boyfriend/girlfriend should leave ASAP.

[Jack Valentino]

50. Not sure how it could get any worse... but I don't disagree.

Refusing to wipe your ass has to be a screaming 'Red Flag' deal-breaker
among civilized people.... !

[Xavier Breath]

37. One step away from dragging their butts across the carpet.

[Ocelot II]

38. LOL!

Take him to the vet to get his anal glands expressed.

[Jack Valentino]

39. If wiping is now "gay", well I guess I am "flaming"!!!! WTF! Obviously spoken by guys who don't

do their own laundry, either....


"Women are increasingly complaining about men who leave "skid marks" on sheets after intimate encounters, and men who just, um, stink in general."


I can't even--- guess they don't shower or wash their ass either? Most animals don't, unless it rains on them...


I suspect that there may be a very high correlation between "non-wipers" and Trump voters---
would love to see the numbers on that...

[LudwigPastorius]

46. Redd knew.

[MustLoveBeagles]

48. I'm glad I'm not dating

If this is really a thing.

[Norrrm]

51. Does this go with Tucker Carlson and men tanning their balls?

Or republican manly-man Nick Fuentes claiming that having sex with women is gay?

[mwmisses4289]

77. ok, now I'm confused. 🤔

If having sex with women is gay, but these idiots are mad because women won't have sex them, and having sex with men is gay, who are these idjits having sex with? And in their world is masturbating what manly men do, or is it only losers who do that? Maybe they want to be a monk? 🤔🤨
It's all so confusing to figure out who the manly men in this world are!

[Norrrm]

78. Manly men

Someone who boasted that his wife said he was the best sex she ever had.

He even got a headline out of it.

Funny thing... the current wife and his porn star mistress seem to doubt the tale.

[Norrrm]

79. Manly men 2

[JanMichael]

53. Pea brained water spigots.

Gross

[LS0999]

54. The internet was a mistake.

Now add that with AI programmed by fascists. Humanity is devolving to a more primitive state.

[NickB79]

63. So many vulnerable young boys sucking into that rabbit hole

We really need more fatherly figures like Tim Walz to demonstrate loving masculinity, not these alpha bro jackoffs like Andrew Tate. I feel really sad for the shit my teenage daughter will have to deal with when (if?) she starts dating.

[niyad]

55. Sooooooo. . .that line of "dude wipes" in the TP aisle (I wish I were kidding) is gay?

[0rganism]

56. Someone needs to inform these experimental hygienists that many other animals clean their butts with their own tongues

Kind of odd to wonder how primates evolved away from what seems to be a pretty common habit among other land animals. I guess sociality, bipedality and opposable thumbs make other forms of cleanup more useful/effective/enjoyable.

[3catwoman3]

57. I'm a personal hygiene fanatic. If I'm at the gym and need to blow my nose, I sanitize...

...my hands before using a tissue so I don't inoculate my nasal membranes with whatever ight be on my fingers, and then I sanitize the again after blowing my nose so I don't deposit anything on the handles of whatever equipment I'm using. I wash my hands so many times a day I call myself Lady MacBeth.

Where/how do ridiculous ideas like this even start? I can't imagine any woman falling for this bullshit.

[David__77]

58. This reminds me of anarcho-primitivism.

Perhaps they will also determine that using language is inhibiting their true bestial selves.

[ProudMNDemocrat]

59. How to KNOCK down an Alpha Male?

Tell him..."I've seen better."

Alpha Males are nothing more than insecure little boys who were bullied by their parents into thinking that in order to be "STRONG" they have to tear down others. Just like TACO Don. The PERFECT example of what an Alpha Male should not be.

Henry Cavil on the other hand? Now there is a man! A man in a way that is not intimidating or boastful.

[NickB79]

62. Is holding my dick to take a piss gay now too?

After all, gay guys grab dicks, so......

Oh shit, I better pee sitting down so no one thinks I'm gay!

Wait, sitting down is how FEMALES pee! That's emasculating!

Next step: alpha bros pissing their pants and telling you it's peak masculinity.

[mwmisses4289]

82. And I thought being a woman was confusing!

[BlueSpot]

83. It does seem like the logical conclusion

This topic is blowing my mind. I had not idea people could be this stupid. A lot of stupid, sure. But this blows the doors off the barn!

[MineralMan]

64. Nasty little boys become nasty men and incels.

Then they get angry because women don't want to be around them. Go figure.

[BoRaGard]

67. Speaking as a BoGardQuantum Zeta Male,

I have a message for the plotless: grow up. You have important responsibilities in life, and you are farting them into oblivion with your childish hate horseshit. This is America. Read the freaking Constitution. And respect it.

[Iggo]

68. Women are sleeping with men who don't wipe their ass?

[Ocelot II]

81. No wonder they're incels.

Who wants to get horizontal with a guy who doesn't do basic bathroom hygiene? Eww.

[Iggo]

86. I keep trying to give them the cheat code.

All they gotta do is like women.

The rest follows.

[taxi]

70. To be perfectly honest,

sometimes if you are not at home and use a public restroom, you may as well use waxed paper.
Let's face it, how many times have I gone into the restroom to find some ignoramus has peed on everything, failed to flush the toilet, or left brown smears on the seat? They don't need no stinking toilet paper. As a matter of fact, if it weren't against the law a real man would just shit in one hand and wipe it on his pants. Carry on.

[BlueTsunami2018]

71. I very much doubt this is a widely shared opinion.

Or that anyone is taking this seriously.

[oasis]

85. Bears use Charmin tissue. So I'm told.

[Bernardo de La Paz]

80. I say let them make themselves unfuckable, neck beards and all. Let them become incels. . . . nt

[B.See]

84. One expression

(from city of my birth) immediately comes to mind for these crazy mfkrs:

TRIFLING.