Frito-Lay CEO Gifts Trump Gold Funyun

[Zorro]

WASHINGTON—In a gesture many critics have decried as yet another blatant bribe to secure favorable regulatory treatment, Frito-Lay CEO Steven Williams presented President Donald Trump this week with a 24-karat, solid gold Funyun.

“The president has long voiced his desire to own a golden, crunchy onion, and we knew it would be our privilege to make that a reality for one of the greatest dealmakers in history,” said Williams to reporters as a beaming Trump proudly moved the gold Funyun sculpture to a permanent spot on the Resolute Desk.

“This expertly crafted artwork reflects how much we at Frito-Lay respect the president’s unwavering commitment to protecting the freedoms of American snackers and snack makers alike. We hope that here, under your visionary stewardship, this Funyun will stand as a tribute to our shared commitment to bold, flavorful action.”

At press time, Frito-Lay has pledged to donate $26 million in Funyuns, Ruffles, Munchos, and Cool Ranch Doritos to the Donald J. Trump Presidential Library.

https://theonion.com/frito-lay-ceo-gifts-trump-gold-funyun/

[Brainfodder]

1. A big zero for the pedo hero?

[BigMin28]

3. Damn Frito Lay!

But what do you expect from a company that pushed a racist advertisement. Even though it was the 70's.

[Celerity]

7. it's The Onion, it is satire

[BidenRocks]

38. But it COULD be true!

That's the problem.

[SheltieLover]

2. Thank gawd it's the Onion!

[niyad]

22. But we had to cheeck!

[SheltieLover]

23. Yes, with the greedy patriarchs in control at the moment, one never knows

[vapor2]

4. will no longer buy Frito lay

[FalloutShelter]

6. Fritos are dead to me.

[Celerity]

10. it's The Onion, it is satire

[BidenRocks]

39. At $6 a bag?

Store brand chips at $2 work better.

[Celerity]

9. it's The Onion, it is satire

[SheltieLover]

26. It's the Onion!

Although, I will say I never buy their products anyway. Aldi & even Kroger chips & snacks are way less than half tge price of Lays...

[Celerity]

11. it's The Onion, it is satire

[ms liberty]

14. How do people not get this immediately? I'm gobsmacked.

[Celerity]

15. it both saddens and frightens me

[EYESORE 9001]

17. I bought it until it said 'solid gold funyun'

Those tiny hands and anemic wrists would be straining to hold that much weight

[niyad]

30. The trouble is, there is so much actual insanity happening every single day,

it i hard for satire to keep up. That is why I try to remember to check the links. But even supposed "news" sites get things wrong.

[liberalla]

42. That's it exactly. It's harder for satire to keep up with the actual outrageous shit happening every day.

You got that right!

[ms liberty]

12. On an article from The Onion, THE finest satire publication in America?

[eShirl]

8. Now he won't need the proverbial rolling donut.

[SheltieLover]

27. ...

[Celerity]

13. This thread (not the OP) is just so dismaying, on balance, atm.

[yardwork]

28. I find it hilarious.

In these very dark times it's strangely soothing to point and laugh at others. Who will, in turn, point and laugh at me.

There's a Jane Austen quote about this, I think from one of her letters.

[MenloParque]

16. Fooking hell!

Maybe this thread is why I find my self on this sight less and less. We are cooked! Yall cant be serious to think this was true! We have no chance with AI!

[niyad]

20. It's The Onion, not AI. Oh, and it is "site", not "sight". Accuracy is

important when one is chastising others for inaccuracies.

[MenloParque]

24. Thanks Hoss!!

[niyad]

32. Accuracy applies to screen names as well.

[Aviation Pro]

18. Funyons and Hot Pockets

Jesse got it right.

[niyad]

19. I had to check the link.

[imanamerican63]

21. Are sure it wasn't a "bony-on"?

[niyad]

25. Snicker

[Faux pas]

29. Glad it's satire

because I'd have to boycott Scoops and that would be unfortunate ya know?

[twodogsbarking]

33. Cheatos would also make a great gift.

[Bettie]

34. It's really sad that

you don't know if it's the Onion or not until you look at the link.

It must be hard to do satire in the bizarre world we live in now.

[Tree Lady]

41. That's so true it does seem very

Possible that companies will start giving him gold gifts because no one stops anything he does.

[Torchlight]

35. Stupid Frito-Lay giving in like that!

(I know, I know... but I just wanted to join the club. )

[Ray Bruns]

37. Stop that! Stop that!

[NewEnglandAutumn]

40. Could be true

Just sayin