Spurious News: Trump announces Labor Day lawn mower drag races at White House!
PALM BEACH, FLA (Spurious News Network) -- According to White House Press Secretary Karoline Leavitt, "Americans want to return to True Americana, and there's nothing more American than what we're going to give them on Labor Day weekend."
Ms. Leavitt is talking about the First National Lawn Tractor Drags, a new event that will take place over Labor Day weekend at the People's House in Washington, DC.
"We learned about something Spirit Lake, Idaho, does on Father's Day weekend. They bring hundreds of people to their small, beautiful community and hold drag races between lawn tractors on Maine Street." Spirit Lake's twelve east-west streets are named after either Northeastern states or Founding Fathers, so "Maine" is correct. "The second we heard about this, we decided this is just what America needs."
While the sight of souped-up lawn mowers zooming across the White House lawn will be a huge part of the weekend, it won't be the only part. "We're going to have free concerts from Kid Rock and Ted Nugent. We're going to have non-woke musicals sung at the Trump Center all weekend, and by that time we should be able to get that woke Democrat Kennedy's name off our hallowed venue. There will be pro wrestling. There will be free hot dogs. We're inviting every real American to come to the White House on Labor Day weekend and have the best time of their lives!"
Jeremy Cowperthwaite, mayor of Spirit Lake, was confused when we asked him for a quote. "I'm the biggest Trump supporter you'll ever want to meet. My own campaign slogan is Making Our City Great Again. And to be perfectly blunt, the Big Back-In is fantastic. It's a truly grass-roots effort; the city has nothing to do with it. But man...if he's getting inspiration for a national event from us, the Epstein Files must be worse than we can possibly imagine."
= new reply since forum marked as read
Kick in to the DU tip jar?
This week we're running a special pop-up mini fund drive. From Monday through Friday we're going ad-free for all registered members, and we're asking you to kick in to the DU tip jar to support the site and keep us financially healthy.
As a bonus, making a contribution will allow you to leave kudos for another DU member, and at the end of the week we'll recognize the DUers who you think make this community great.