Kristi Noem Might Lose DHS Boy Toy Corey Lewandowski, Oh No!

[mahatmakanejeeves]

Kristi Noem Might Lose DHS Boy Toy Corey Lewandowski, Oh No!

Leaks from DHS indicate the White House would love to be rid of him.

GARY LEGUM
AUG 16, 2025

Is frying-pan-faced Trump goon Corey Lewandowski banging America’s dog-murdering sociopathic Secretary of Homeland Security Kristi Noem, and thereby banging himself right out of a job?

Probably! We don’t know, the rumors about those two diddling each other have been around since at least 2021, when Noem was still the governor of South Dakota and Lewandowski was still being accused of shit like bragging about the size of his dick to donors’ wives at conventions and yanking female reporters’ arms so hard that they filed assault charges against him.

When Noem took over as Secretary of DHS early this year, she brought Lewandowski along as her de facto chief of staff. She wanted him to be her permanent chief of staff, but Trump himself supposedly nixed the idea on the grounds that the optics of two rumored romantic partners working together like that would look bad.

Yeah, yeah, we know, since when does Donald Trump care about optics? Nonetheless, that was the reporting at the time.

Lewandowski instead was appointed as a Special Government Official (SGE), which allowed him to work unpaid for the government for a maximum of 130 days. (This was the same status Elon Musk held.) He has basically been doing the chief of staff job, which for him seems to mostly involve traveling all over the world with Noem on her many adventures — riding horses in Argentina, sneering and posing in front of a giant cell full of tattooed inmates in El Salvador, touring the concentration camp the administration built in the Everglades — without the title, and with a ticking clock hanging over his head.

{snip}

[underpants]

1. So the 130 days doesn't run continuously. He's breaking it up and, of course, doing it like you'd expect

As of this writing, Lewandowski’s official number of days worked is 69. (Nice.) He has allegedly kept that number this low with workarounds such as entering buildings in large groups with other people so he doesn’t have to swipe his own security badge, and not using his government email and phone for official business. Which, last we checked, was a no-no that could get someone's presidential campaign tanked through a bullshit public allegation from the FBI Director.

[Hugin]

2. Interesting how throwing down a sitting US Senator and holding him bound incommunicado in his own State...

Isn’t listed front and center among Noem’s DHS accomplishments.

[displacedvermoter]

4. Actually Corey was a force of moderation

during the incident with the Senator, according to the Senator, a terrible thing to consider! He may have been the only person in Noem's contingent who actually new Padilla was a Senator, letting you know how inept this crew is.

Anyway, what a fucking mess we are in, Corey being just one small example of how bad it is.

[dalton99a]

3. Kick

As of this writing, Lewandowski’s official number of days worked is 69. (Nice.) He has allegedly kept that number this low with workarounds such as entering buildings in large groups with other people so he doesn’t have to swipe his own security badge, and not using his government email and phone for official business. Which, last we checked, was a no-no that could get someone's presidential campaign tanked through a bullshit public allegation from the FBI Director.

No one is likely surprised by these grasping efforts. Lewandowski has been hanging around TrumpWorld for years, lingering and resisting attempts to get rid of him like herpes with a particularly strong resistance to Valtrex. Still, it has White House officials upset enough to supposedly start closely monitoring the time he spends at work.

Lewandowski has been allegedly “wielding outsized influence” at DHS, which is code for saying that he’s been throwing his weight around and alienating anyone who comes within a hundred yards of his weird, square head. So it would make sense for a few of his enemies to anonymously leak some hot gossip like this to Axios if they are desperate enough. Rumors yr Wonkette has heard are that no one in the administration wants to work with the guy at all because he’s such a huge piece of trash, so this would be one way to try and get rid of him.

It could also be a shot across the bow, warning Lewandowski and maybe Noem that there is more that could be made public if he doesn’t get the fuck out already. But like we said, you’re not getting rid of herpes that easily.

The Lewandowski mess is not the only Noem-related grotesqueness that popped up recently. On Friday, an anonymous official leaked to The Washington Post that the DHS Secretary recently moved into a “spacious waterfront residence at Joint Base Anacostia-Bolling” that is usually reserved for the Coast Guard commandant. Unfortunately, the Coast Guard doesn’t have a commandant right now because the Trump administration fired the last one for the crime of being a woman in a high-level military job. So, the space was available.

[tanyev]

5. "and resisting attempts to get rid of him like herpes with a particularly strong resistance to Valtrex"

Oh, I do love the snark at Wonkette. I tried to make it a daily stop for a while, in addition to DU, but there’s just too much to keep up with. So thanks to everyone who posts excerpts!

[Midnight Writer]

6. I hope Corey doesn't have too much fun with Kristi. She may have to shoot him.

But I'm sure Corey is well-trained. Kristi probably put on her "SS She-Wolf" costume to train him.

[no_hypocrisy]

7. What happened? Did Loomer finger him?

[mahatmakanejeeves]

8. I'm not going to answer that. NT