JD Vance Asks National Guard Member If He Can Touch Gun

[milestogo]

Published: August 25, 2025

WASHINGTON—Approaching cautiously after waiting for an opportune moment to pose his question, Vice President JD Vance reportedly asked a National Guardsman patrolling the nation’s capital Monday if he could touch the man’s service rifle. “Sorry to bother you, sir—is that thing real?” Vance said to a newly armed member of the Ohio National Guard on a D.C. street corner, adding that he was “a little scared,” but if it wasn’t any trouble, he would also love to feel the weight of the private’s M4 rifle in his hands for a couple seconds.

“Boy, this puppy is way lighter than it seems—bet it’s got a loud bark, though! What is it, plastic? Metal? So this is the trigger, right? And this is the barrel? Hey Usha! Usha, come take my picture, please!” At press time, reports confirmed Vance had been rushed to Walter Reed hospital after accidentally blowing his head off with the weapon.

https://theonion.com/jd-vance-asks-national-guard-member-if-he-can-touch-gun/

satire, kinda

[Raven123]

1. Ok you got me. Had to do a double take see the source!

[Wifes husband]

2. Got me too

[no_hypocrisy]

3. Happiness is a warm gun . . . . .

&list=RDvdvnOH060Qg&start_radio=1

[Irish_Dem]

4. We know what Vance really wanted to touch.

[niyad]

8. The Onion

[Irish_Dem]

9. Yes I know it is The Onion. I am making a comment in the spirit of the article.

An Onion comment.

[Ocelot II]

5. The Onion strikes again! Nearly got me - it's easy to imagine Couchboy doing exactly that.

[niyad]

6. When I first saw the title, my mind immediately went to "This is my rifle, this

is my gun. . ." and anybody who was in the military knows the rest. And I figured, absolutely typical of eyeliner perv. Then I clicked on the post. The Onion! But the point is vladimir futin is such a sicko, none of us had any trouble thinking it was true.

[WarGamer]

7. I wish we had a sub-forum dedicated to satire.