Spurious News: Trump's Space Command press conference doesn't go as planned
THE WHITE HOUSE (Spurious News Network) -- Today, General Secretary Donald Trump called a press conference to unveil the news that he would be moving US Space Command's headquarters from Peterson Space Force Base, Colo., to Redstone Arsenal, Ala.
Expecting a warm reception from the assembled press corps, he quickly fled after the questions started:
"Where you gonna get the money to do this, motherfucker?"
"Ain't no room on Redstone Arsenal for anything else. Where the fuck do you plan to put them?"
"How many years do you think this'll fuck up Space Command?"
"Do you really think all the civilians who currently work at Space Command want to uproot their lives to move to fucking Alabama?"
"Why don't you just quit fucking around and release the Epstein files?"
"Are you going to have the Big Beautiful Bill repealed to get the money to pay for this?"
"You realize you spend money like a Democrat, right?"
"You gonna sell some cryptocurrency to pay for this?"
"If you're trying to punish Colorado for being a blue state, this won't work."
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