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[PeaceWave]

This message was self-deleted by its author (PeaceWave) on Wed Sep 10, 2025, 09:06 AM. When the original post in a discussion thread is self-deleted, the entire discussion thread is automatically locked so new replies cannot be posted.

[WSHazel]

1. Like everything involving kids

It depends. My kids were pretty easy, but I still kept my eyes and ears open for signals of trouble. If there were more signals, there would have been more investigations.

Start with their friends if you want to get a sense of your own kids behavior. If the friends are dodgy, then odds are your kid is dodgy. Kids tend to hang out with kids like themselves.

[DUU]

2. It depended on...

In general it’s their room, with responsibilities. Keep it reasonably neat, clean and safe (“what would grandma say” was a pretty good standard).
If there is a reason that “safe” was becoming an issue, then the landlord has the keys.
But generally seldom went in.

[bottomofthehill]

3. My house, my rules

[newdeal2]

4. If they play online video games, make sure it's out in the open

Those places are great for turning young men into MAGAts.

[woodsprite]

5. My kids are now 32 and 25

I can say that I never went into or through their rooms to the extent my mom did with my brother and I. I did check my daughter’s room when she was counseling for stress and suicidal ideation, and there was one emergency cleaning we had to do. Daughter was on college study abroad in Italy. We told her we were going to be boxing some of her personal stuff up and stashing it on her loft because her grandparents were staying with us in her room during a mandatory evacuation from FL for a hurricane.

I was always very cognizant of how angry, violated, and untrusted I felt when my mother would dissect, clean, and rearrange my room. I had no private place to keep a diary or whatever. I tried keeping it neat as a pin, tried messing it up, but about every few weeks, she’d go through everything. I may have not been the best mom at times, and I’ve been told I was overprotective, but I do feel we could talk about anything (and still do).