"When a public figure dies, you are not obligated to manufacture sorrow for someone who did not earn it"

[tulipsandroses]

Some wise words for anyone that has conflicted feelings.
SNIP---

“When a public figure dies, you are not obligated to manufacture sorrow for someone who did not live in a way that earned your compassion,” wrote psychotherapist Dr. Dionne Mahaffey-Muhammad yesterday in a public Facebook post that I’ve begun sharing online. “There is a difference between refusing to speak ill of the dead and forcing yourself to honor a life that may have caused harm.”

“Choosing not to mourn someone who caused harm is not out of alignment with your spiritual beliefs,” she continued. “Grief is not a performance, and empathy is not an endless well. You are allowed to acknowledge limits. That doesn’t make you coldhearted, and it doesn’t mean you are wishing harm on anyone. It simply means you are being honest about your boundaries.⁣”

Compassion without boundaries can become self-betrayal.⁣
⁣
So give yourself permission: you don’t have to pretend sorrow where there is none. You can let your empathy have edges. That is not cruelty. That is wisdom.

https://www.lgbtqnation.com/2025/09/no-i-wont-be-shedding-any-tears-for-charlie-kirk/

[MrWowWow]

1. findagrave.org

https://www.findagrave.com

If ya gotta go, find a grave and "go."

[Attilatheblond]

6. Actually found grave of a dear elderly neighbor who died not long after my family moved away from where we all lived

He was a retired teacher, had headed up the local YMCA, started the local softball leagues decades before we coached a team there. If it was about providing fun, guidance, education for young people in that town, he was usually the man who started it.

In retirement, he taught at a local home for unwed mothers, and mentored young women there for a couple decades. They did a Christmas pageant there one year and had him play the part of the Wise Men. In his eighties then, he was confused and asked who the other Wise Men would be. He told my one of the 'girls' gave him a hug and told him he was wise enough to be three.

This man tended my daughter for a couple hours a day, from when she got out of school until I got home. He had games, insisted she learn stuff, and was an important part of her life. He wouldn't take a dime for child care, but was fine with the occasional home made pie or loaf of graham bread.

It meant a lot to find his grave at that website. Made me feel a bit better to leave a message, even knowing it was unlikely anybody would read it.

It's a really good website. Found my late husband's grandparents grave on that site too. It's good to honor memories and dear people.

[underpants]

2. Extremely well written.

Thank you.

Grief is not a performance

[EdmondDantes_]

3. I don't have any sorrow that he's dead

But I can do that and not be happy about it either. Mostly I'm indifferent because deaths of people who I've never met, or have some connection to, don't really get to me.

[Haggard Celine]

5. I can't get too worked up over it either.

Like you, if I don't have some sort of connection to someone and they die, I just don't feel anything. But that doesn't mean I want them to die. The only sorrow I have is over what this is doing to the country. What's going to happen if they accuse someone we believe is innocent and the other side thinks is guilty. More polarization. Then the verdict comes and the whole country has a big Rodney King riot. My outlook is not so good these days.

[barbtries]

8. what they're doing right now to weaponize this

not even that well known white supremacist "influencer" is so despicable, it's got me remembering how cheney immediately jumped on 911 to throw a war in Iraq.

i'm so pissed.

[Haggard Celine]

10. It just seems like war is imminent now.

If Trump will seize on something like this, the death of a fucking influencer, to round up more people, then he is really showing his hand. He's determined to do this. He hates this country that much.

[RockRaven]

4. Fuck sorrow; you aren't obliged to say nice things, or refrain from speaking true things.

When speaking truthfully is "speaking ill of the dead" the truth is more valuable and more necessary than usual.

[barbtries]

7. i needed to hear that.

not only do I not feel bad about kirk being dead, I already know that if i live long enough to see the death of krasnov, I will celebrate it. and I'm like a borderline empath, empathetic in the extreme but not to the point of having to avoid crowds.

[JoseBalow]

9. The world is a better place without bigoted haters like him in it

Fuck him, and good riddance.

[soldierant]

14. Steve Schmidt titled a post "The evil that men do lives after them,"

and my mind just finished it "the good is oft interred with their bones. So let it be with Charlie." I just couldn't stop it. But this is the first time I've shared it.

[Buzz cook]

11. Not a fan of Christopher Hitchens, but

After Mother Theresa died he was brutally honest on TV about her failings during the funeral.
I've never seen that again not for Nixon or Reagan, two men that deserved no respect, nor for any of the other bad actors that get a kind send off.

[Picaro]

12. Extremely well put

[dalton99a]

13. I'm glad Hitler is dead. I'm glad Pol Pot is dead. I'm glad Stalin is dead. I'm glad Idi Amin is dead. I'm glad Charles

Manson is dead. I'm glad Jeffrey Dahmer is dead. I'm glad Rush Limbaugh is dead....