Anybody Almost Get Raptured Yesterday?

[MrWowWow]

If you're like me, a left behind, best enroll in Rapture Ground School asap! Don't feel unworthy. Don't be left behind next time!
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Let's begin with these training videos:
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[TheProle]

1. I felt like I was floating at one point,

then remembered I am an atheist and had just skipped breakfast.

[eppur_se_muova]

12. I had the same feeling -- turned out it was just gas.

Felt like I was heading for a rupture, not a rapture.

[tanyev]

2. Dagnabbit, I work in a basement office.

Maybe I was supposed to Rapture, but it didn’t work.

😑

[Demnation]

3. No rapture for me, but The Meaning of Life, one of my all-time favorites. Praise Zeus.

[ashredux]

4. Well, the guys that do the yardwork at my Condo didn't show..... of course they are Latinos...Hmmmm

But I think they’re Catholic, so maybe they got captured…. Oops I mean raptured

[IcyPeas]

5. I cant find my left sneaker

[lame54]

6. It would explain Alligator Alcatraz...

https://www.democracynow.org/2025/9/23/headlines/miami_herald_two_thirds_of_immigrants_held_at_alligator_alcatraz_in_july_have_disappeared

[bluedigger]

7. I was going to, but I couldn't find a sitter for my inner child.

[taxi]

8. Nearly the equivalent.

For a few brief moments when checking my work schedule, a most pleasant elation consumed me. It was like I was floating on air. Then I looked at the left margin and saw that I would not be leaving at noon instead of at four for the next two days. Dwight leaves at noon. I crashed quickly. There was no rapture yesterday.

[kentuck]

9. Yeah... I'm up here.

What a rush! I left a note with my car to give it to good will. It's not worth very much.

The streets are paved with 24carat gold. It's almost as gaudy as the White House.

The people are all walking around singing and playing their harps and other instruments. They all are wearing these long flowing gowns made of silk and in various colors.

I met this very old man with a beard down to the bottom of his throne. It was flowing like silver water and not one hair was out of place. He had a captivating smile. He said his name was God.

I asked if they had any McDonald's cheeseburgers? A couple of beautiful angels said they were at the other place. It was much hotter than Heaven.

[Autumn]

10. Almost, but I ducked behind a tree.

Scared the shit out of me.

[dweller]

11. I'm telling you , someone

Spelled Raptored wrong …





✌🏻