Mike Johnson decries 'naked bicyclers' in Portland as 'most threatening thing I've seen'

[cbabe]

https://www.rawstory.com/mike-johnson-portland/

Mike Johnson decries 'naked bicyclers' in Portland as 'most threatening thing I've seen'

David Edwards
October 14, 2025 12:17PM ET

House Speaker Mike Johnson (R-LA) insisted that federal agents' abuse of force had not risen to the level of congressional investigations after a judge barred the Department of Homeland Security from using specific tactics against faith leaders and journalists.

During a press conference on Tuesday, one reporter told Johnson that federal agents had been seen shooting pepper balls at the targets.

…

I've not seen them cross the line yet," Johnson insisted. "We have committees of jurisdiction who have that responsibility, but it's not risen to that level."

“What I've seen is the abuse of law enforcement by radical leftist activists," he continued. "You know, most recently, the most threatening thing I've seen yet was the naked bicyclers in Portland who were protesting ICE down there. I mean, it's getting really ugly."

… more …

(Well ugly is as ugly does.)

[niyad]

1. May mikey receive everything he deserves.

[SheltieLover]

8. X 1,000!

[ChazInAz]

104. Drop him off in the Middle of Burning Man.

[GoneOffShore]

2. The Naked Bike ride in Philly used to pass by my house. No body shaming, but some folks....

Let us say that they might frighten Magic Mike. Or make him drool.

[SWBTATTReg]

16. We have the Naked Bike Ride too in STLMO

[Jilly_in_VA]

79. In Madison, WI too!

[MineralMan]

17. We are all naked under a layer of clothing.

Every last one of us. We just pretend not to be naked mammals, but we are exactly that.

[groundloop]

96. Very true. And being ashamed of nakedness is far more prevalant in 'murica .....

than in other parts of the world.

[MineralMan]

97. That is also true.

[MayReasonRule]

44. Speaking Of Making Magic Mike Drool... Reputedly His Grindr Chat... Just Like Moses Luvs Him Sum Long Hard Smooth Staff

Perhaps if he'd just settle down with the right fella' he could let go of his hatred for all mankind.

Fucking fascists.
Sigh...

[peppertree]

51. Fake News, I say!

How do we know that's not J.D.?

[mercuryblues]

69. Because there isn't a sofa involved.

[peppertree]

86. Of course. How silly of me.

[MayReasonRule]

90. Damn Sure Could Be Although I Hear That Vance Really Prefers Leather... Oh, Well Then That Well Could Be!

[allegorical oracle]

61. My take: Magic Mike only screws in the dark.

[Jilly_in_VA]

78. And in La Missionaire, besides!

[spooky3]

3. Yeah, the hidden weapons those riders were carrying were scary! Nt

/s

[orangecrush]

115. ...

[haele]

4. Threatening? To whom?

The bicyclists are exposed to greater threat (Pepper spray/balls) than anyone watching them go down the street.

Unless one's manhood is threatened by the sight of other men's luggage. Though as cold, windy, and rainy it is on the West Coast this time of year, there is shrinkage, so...could that still be a threat?

[Bernardo de La Paz]

56. It's the non-conformity that is so threatening to connedservatives, maga, and Guardians Of Pedophiles. . . nt

[Ocelot II]

5. Naked people probably do seem threatening to Holy Mike.

God didn't intend for people to be naked! Why didn't he make it so we'd be born with clothes? And some naked people might be more, shall we say, impressive than some others, and that would be threatening indeed.

Also, naked people probably won't be carrying concealed weapons, so what's the problem?

[hadEnuf]

64. He's threatened by naked women

but apparently naked little girls, not so much. Otherwise
why is he protecting pedo Trump?

[Amaryllis]

95. An old boyfriend of mine used to say if God wanted us to go around naked, we would have been born that way.

[dweller]

6. Quick

Activate the Porn Block contact system with your son !






✌🏻

[sheshe2]

7. Mike sounds like he is having the vapors. 😆

[rurallib]

49. He can go to his buddy Lindsey on what to do

[electric_blue68]

119. Snort!

😄😄😄

[cbabe]

9. Frogs on bikes are the most scary. Quick,

we need a ‘frogs on bikes’ song parody of ‘cows with guns’ song.

[liberalla]

82. This was the opening for Colbert last night:::

[tanyev]

10. Really, Mike? Maybe you need to get out more.

🤨

[Iris]

11. That's just because his son flagged him for being over his porn limit this month

[HAB911]

12. this from the guy who's son monitors his

pornography usage?!

[AZJonnie]

13. From the headline I thought this had to be Borowitz or the Onion

The current GQP flying monkey brigade are the biggest cabal of gaslighting, lying assholes this country has ever known.

[progressoid]

29. That was my first thought as well.

God, I hate this timeline.

[rubbersole]

31. It's all they've got.

[eShirl]

14. something seriously wrong with that dude

[RockRaven]

15. In their rush to demonize, RWers constantly out themselves as the softest weakest people

on the whole damn Earth.

[sinkingfeeling]

18. So, naked bicyclists are more 'threatening' than masked, heavily armed men kicking in doors?

[leftstreet]

19. Was he worried about the size of other men's...

[BidenRocks]

30. Oh, That Johnson!

[oasis]

114. You can call me Johnny or you can cal me

Sonny, but ya doesn’t have to call me “Johnson”.

[GoCubsGo]

59. Worried about getting caught oogling them, more likely.

[Arazi]

20. Fully unarmed AND undressed are "the most threatening"

Puritan bullshit

[LudwigPastorius]

21. I think he meant to say, "the most arousing thing I've seen".

Then again, in his mind arousing=threatening.

[irisblue]

22. So the naked people in Portland were more threatening then the insurrectionists on J6?

[MaineBlueBear]

62. This!

+1000!

[B.See]

91. Exactly.

[Totally Tunsie]

23. Mikey must live a very sheltered life!

[Emile]

24. Mike Johnson Admits He and His Son Monitor Each Other's Porn

https://www.rollingstone.com/politics/politics-news/mike-johnson-son-monitor-porn-intake-covenant-eyes-1234870634/

[allegorical oracle]

89. C'mon, Johnson's overseer role with a porn app is kinda creepy...

“It scans all the activity on your phone, or your devices, your laptop, what have you; we do all of it,” Johnson told the panel about the app

[ananda]

25. Afraid he'll get turned on?

???

[Bristlecone]

26. In other words, nobody enjoyed the bicyclists' photos more

I have zero doubts about who this guy really is.

[Trueblue Texan]

27. I guess the reporters getting stonewalled...

...should tell Mikie they hadn't seen the naked bicyclers either so they obviously shouldn't be taken seriously. (and seriously, who could see that as a threat. Seems they've be pretty vulnerable to me.)

[CousinIT]

28. "threatening"?

Seriously? He protects goddamned pedophiles, including the pedo in thief, but he finds naked bikerides THREATENING?

My God, Trump's Little Johnson is a flaccid little thing, isn't he?

[rubbersole]

34. Exposed and twisting in the wind...

[ProudMNDemocrat]

32. Yo Mikey!

What if the bike riders had been women in skimpy bikinis with little to the imagination?

Would that be DECENT or INDECENT "threatening" exposure?

[C_U_L8R]

33. Little man. Little man.

How sad it must be to be you.

[TygrBright]

35. ROFL.... oh, MY they sure know how to push HIS buttons! OOOO nekkid peeps!! n/t

[Initech]

36. Isn't this the same guy who has his porno accountability buddy as his adopted son?

I mean... don't pretend you're disgusted by this, Mikey.

[mwmisses4289]

42. Apparently not a very good accountability buddy,

as there is scuttlebut going around that hypocrisy mikey has and account on a bawdy dating website.

[niyad]

43. No, it is his biological son, a teenager (or at least he was several years

ago. Not sure of his age now). The so-called "adopted" son has pretty much disappeared.

[ashredux]

37. Are you sure this isn't from the onion? Bizarre if true that the Speaker is upset.

[poli-junkie]

38. Mikey's popping a boner just

thinking about naked bicyclists.

[Warpy]

39. Crikey, someone hand that man a mirror

and maybe a handful of Valium.

Some of those raving lunatic Christians sure to have a problem with body image.

(A lot of townie beaches along coastal New England are clothing optional.

[surfered]

40. This from a guy who regularly kisses Trump's derriere . Pardon my French.

[BattleRow]

45. Hey,he's from Louisiana..that's polite French,btw.

They've got other colloquialisms for what to call him,cher.

[Mad_Machine76]

41. He meant:

Most arousing LOL

[dobleremolque]

46. I bet Johnson's Covenant Eyes app had

to be measured on the Richter Scale.

[Deep State Witch]

47. And He's Going to watch the videos again

to make sure that they're threatening. And again. And, oh, here's a hot guy.... He looks REALLY threatening!

[Ping Tung]

48. There is only one honest impulse at the bottom of Puritanism

There is only one honest impulse at the bottom of Puritanism, and that is the impulse to punish people with a superior capacity for happiness. H.L. Mencken

[usonian]

50. Jealousy, thy name is Mike.

Does he like shower with his suit on?

Or ...

[Xavier Breath]

83. Mike's definitely a 'never nude.'

[struggle4progress]

52. "I'll talk about naked bicyclists instead of Epstein or reopening the government"

[IronLionZion]

53. Magic Mike might be tempted by impure thoughts

[Xavier Breath]

84. Wee-wees and hoo-has are the devil's playground.

[BurnDoubt]

54. No Wonder...

We're in such big trouble.
Naked people on bikes is a National Threat.
Cosplaying J6 Brownshirts disappearing people in the dead-of-night is NOW NORMAL.
Progress!

[Quanto Magnus]

55. It's because he's getting uber turned on by it.....

He's gonna have to hit the Grindr hard this week....

[Torchlight]

57. I'm certain Speaker johnson will engage in personal internet research about Naked Bicyclers.

I'd bet he's telling Kelly it's 'just boring old government stuff... you don't want to see it or know my password! Bring me some tissues while you're up, I''m sniffling again"

[Hekate]

58. Not the Onion?!

[NBachers]

60. Mikey, I hereby sentence you to 20 lashes with a wet noodle!

[mwmisses4289]

67. Administered by a Pastafarian!

[Clouds Passing]

63. All those barebutts. How can he contain himself? How can he restrain himself? How can he choose which one he wants?

Oh the horror!

[elleng]

65. What a baby/toddler/wuss!

[rambler_american]

66. He's afraid

He's afraid they may be carrying concealed weapons.

[ancianita]

68. Naked bikers are more threatening than the suffering you cause Americans with your Epstein shutdown aiding & abetting?

Lying, fakeass pharisaic christians with your fakeass pharisaic piety can fuck the fuck off.

[Maru Kitteh]

70. Oh Mike. What the hell happened to you little buddy, all those years ago? Hmm?

It’s like he was severely beaten as a small child for reporting that his tiny johnson was feeling tingly.

[milestogo]

71. Does that mean he has never seen a naked body?

[JT45242]

72. Good thing he never saw an active shooter drill or the aftermath of a mass shooting

Pretty certain that sandy hook, uvalde, etc are far more threatening.

How about the right wing nut job who provided us all with the snuff film of Charlie Kirk? Or was that just the acceptable cost of the second amendment and not disturbing?

What a lying sack of crap

[appleannie1]

73. What is threatening about a naked person? They sure are not armed with a weapon.

Bet he doesn't even have a mirror in his bathroom since he is so afraid of skin.

[COL Mustard]

74. Well, now we know what triggers him....

Boobies and whiners. Oct. 18 is coming...step up (and out) everyone!

[Maine Abu El Banat]

75. Hey Mikey

The human body is your gods creation. We dont come into this world in a suit and tie.

[AllyCat]

76. 🤣😂🤣😂 Was Mikey afraid his kid would find out

And he’d have to be accountable?

[Fil1957]

77. For once, he's telling the truth...

[Vinca]

80. Nude cyclists bad, Hunter's privates displayed in a Congressional hearing good?????

[3catwoman3]

81. Sort of OT, but I find the idea of sitting naked on a bicycle seat really gross. I've never found...

...a comfortable bike seat, and they must be extra uncomfortable with nothing between one's delicate parts and the seat. No thanks.

[Botany]

85. Grindr Mike says what?

He was afraid of naked men?

[gulliver]

87. Um, do they at least put paper towels over the bike seats?

[FHRRK]

117. This will be a bit too graphic

but as a man over 60, I can't even comprehend. A certain section of the body tends to become less elastic, especially when hot/sweaty. I would be peddling so damn slow.

[RedWhiteBlueIsRacist]

88. He's just mad because they are not naked kids.

[B.See]

92. Jerry Mahoney says whuuuut?

LMAO.

[Xolodno]

93. That boy aint right....nt

[AntiFascist]

94. As a white Christian Nationalist he is offended by naked people n/t

[Blue Full Moon]

98. Says the guy who monitors his adopted son's porn.

[dalton99a]

99. Mikey wants to see hi-res video

[Exp]

100. Pathetic little man. nt

[Puppyjive]

101. This is what propaganda looks like.

He is a propaganda puppet.

[Gore1FL]

102. It took all of Johnson's strength to stop his son's phone from alerting. nt

[RandySF]

103. It could lead to dancing.

[cbabe]

106. "That's what it's all about..."

[Blue Owl]

105. Grind Ho, MAGA Mike

[greatauntoftriplets]

107. Moses Mike is afraid of naked people?

How quaint.

[usonian]

108. Mike, take a hike in a bike!

[Jacson6]

109. The nekkid bicycle riders have been around for decades.

In Oregon the constitution allows you to be nekkid as long as you are not involved in a sex act. If you do commit a sex act on a street corner you can be criminally charged. Walking down the street nekkid is totally legal.

[Turbineguy]

110. He's envious.

[Beowulf42]

111. Mike Johnson needs to take a peek through the curtains of his little church and see what the real world really is.

Bigots in Kansas and he worries about the Great City of Portland, Oregon. Get out and smell the Douglas Fir.

[Mike Nelson]

112. This can only mean...

... Mike Johnson has never seen anything really obscene - like Crooked Donald's neck!

[LetMyPeopleVote]

113. 🎶I want to ride my bicycle........

[FHRRK]

116. a.k.a., what are all these men doing riding bikes topless, or in underwear, or completely naked....

they get all sweaty and glistening, their triceps are extended, taught, and then the quads and calves!!!!! My son will catch me on PornHub looking for "male naked bikers," and that is threatening, even worse, last night that search brought back way too many fat Harley riders along with too many Asians on rice rockets, took me 10 minutes to find a good ole American naked bicycle rider.

[Hotler]

118. So many swing dicks takes his breath away. nt

[electric_blue68]

120. 🤔 "threatening"...

Naked bike riders vs say, ICE beating people, and/or taking away them away (for instance) ?

I think you have your priorities mixed up, Mikey!