Is he dead yet?

[Orrex]

Shot immediately after ordering death to seditionists?

Crushed under avalanche of unsold Fetterman books?

Retaliatory assassination following the invasion of Mexico?


Just fucking died already for literally any reason at all?

[MiHale]

1. Howler monkey turned against him...

Ate his face.

[PuraVidaDreamin]

2. Gagged and aspirated on his spewed hatred

Needed emergency care from a non profession nurse?

[The Roux Comes First]

26. No Need to Waste the Time of Trained and Educated Professionals

There are humans in need of care.

[SheltieLover]

3. Taken at face value, hustled off & roasted for a luau?

https://democraticunderground.com/100220820658

Must see image!


Pulled into Bondi's paper shredder by his ridiculously long tie?


Overhearing a guest saying "When pigs fly," misunderstanding their sarcasm to mean they would gift him more golden trinkets if pigs could fly, he rushed to the roof of the White House & jumped off believing himself the all powerful piggy. Ironically, his guests were discussing the best approach to get him to resign. Alas, pigs cannot fly.

[Easterncedar]

4. Shrunk by the Ozempic into vanishing

[Blumancru]

5. Spray paints his own bowel movements gold

So he can sell them online as a limited edition artwork, only one issued each month.
Accidentally inhales gold paint, dies.
Mailorderia elopes with Justin Trudeau.

[Coldwater]

6. Still waiting for that glorious day

[surfered]

7. Love #2

[SheltieLover]

13. Before everyone dies of thirst, please!

[LetMyPeopleVote]

41. We have a bottle in the fridge for just this occasion

[SheltieLover]

43. I think most of the world does!

[milestogo]

8. I hope he dies very soon.

It will make the world a better place.

[twodogsbarking]

17. There are openings available today, would you like to pick a time?

[niyad]

23. Right now would be good.

[milestogo]

29. Noon EST

Less than an hour left to fuck over our country.

[niyad]

9. Alas, my bottle of bubbly remains unopened.

Stiill, the day is yet young. One dares to drream.

[SheltieLover]

11. Soon...

🥂🥂🥂🥂🥂🥂

[surfered]

15. Very soon...🍾🥂🍾🥂🍾🥂🍾🥂🍾🥂

[SheltieLover]

44. Hold the vision!

🥂🥂🥂🥂🥂🥂

[surfered]

10. Middle Age Riot

[SheltieLover]

14. Perfect!

[surfered]

31. 🙏

[ShazzieB]

40. Yes!

YES YES YES YES YEEEESSSSSSSS!

[malaise]

12. No but

The noose is tightening

[twodogsbarking]

16. Ted Nugent discovers he needs glasses after trying to shoot an apple off of Trump's head with a crossbow.

[surfered]

22. Infects Trump with cat scratch fever

[WestMichRad]

18. Has a medical emergency, and no nurses will help him.

Because they’re not “professionals.”

[QueerDuck]

19. "The Thin Man in DC"

Setting: A garishly decorated but dimly lit oval room, adorned with half-finished plates of McDonalds hamburgers and greasy french fries, and empty burger wrappers and fry boxes strewn about... and ketchup stands on the wall. A half-empty case of Diet-Coke is visible on the table. The room has an air of opulent decay, and urine... reflecting the life of the late politician.

(Nick stands by the table, examining a plate, a smirk creeping across his face. Nora enters, holding a martini.)

Nora: (leans against the door frame) So, what’s the verdict, detective? Did he gorge himself to death, or did someone give him a little too much love with the fries?

Nick: (picks up a ketchup bottle, shakes it) You know, I used to think ketchup was just for burgers. Turns out, it’s also a great cover-up.

Nora: (raises an eyebrow) Sounds like the start of a bad joke.

Nick: (grinning) The punchline is, “Is it too late to call it murder?”

(Nick walks to the window, peering out into the South Lawn and the former location of the Rose Garden.)

Nora: You’re not telling me you think his wife did it? I mean, she looked like she couldn’t survive a one-alarm fire, let alone murder.

Nick: (turns back, serious) Ah, but therein lies the rub, my dear. A fat, corrupt politician—beloved by no one—piles on the hamburgers like they’re his only friends. But the second his Slovenian wife enters the picture?

Nora: You think she could've choked him herself?

Nick: (nods, pacing) That’s just it! She’s quiet, demure, and all smiles when the cameras are rolling. But behind those tightly pulled beady little eyes? I suspect there’s a fire, and she’s too close to those fryer baskets for comfort.

(Nora takes a sip of her martini, contemplating.)

Nora: So you think she offed him to move back to Slovenia with his money and a suitcase full of those fancy gilded wall decorations from Home Depot?

Nick: (winks) Or perhaps she needed an escape route. Who needs romance when you’ve got a free pass to paradise waiting for you?

(Nora walks to the meal remnants, peering closely at the fries.)

Nora: So how do we catch this culinary culprit?

Nick: (leaning in, eyes sparkling) Ahhh... we bake her cake! Or, well, a burger. See who chokes on what we serve.

Nora: (laughs) And here I thought you only wanted to grill her about the details, not serve her a side of justice with a side of fries.

Nick: (leans against the table, a glimmer in his eye) It’s all about seasoning, darling. And if she’s guilty, she’ll be getting a double order of the truth.

(They share a knowing look, clinking their glasses together. Fade out with the sound of laughter echoing through the dining room.)

Nora: To the mysteries of life, love, and lethal lunches!

Nick: (grinning slyly) Ha-ha... indeed! Let’s hope this one doesn't end with a fat lady singing.

### END SCENE ###

[Moostache]

20. Its still early

I'm saying there's a chance still...

[hlthe2b]

21. "Hell, his own stench should kill him with or without the Eau du Trump fragrance"

[twodogsbarking]

24. Like rotting garbage on a hot southern day maggots chew him to oblivion.

Up north we usually don't get trash maggots but we did this past summer. Southerners know what I am saying.

[SpankMe]

25. Contracting terminal VD after fucking himself? n/t

[dalton99a]

27. karma is a habitual procrastinator

[generalbetrayus]

28. Dies of heart attack after coming in last in a rerun of this year's Kentucky Derby.

At least he dies happy, going out in the company of plenty of other horses' asses.

[StoolPigeon]

30. Trump thinks he's a horse

I agree with half of that. You know which half.

[surfered]

34. Luckovich

[SheltieLover]

35. Wahahaha!

Perfect!

[Sneederbunk]

32. Thrown off a Coast Guard cutter while wrapped in Nazi flag.

[Initech]

36. AF1 disappears off radar after Elon and Duffy tamper with air traffic controllers?

[mikeysnot]

37. 3 posts and done...

^^^^^

[BumRushDaShow]

38. She's been haunting DU

since before you even joined (so you know how long that has been) and won't take goodbye for an answer.

[mikeysnot]

46. Three posts in 23 years?

You think they would have better things to do with their time.

[Dear_Prudence]

39. Compelled to drowned himself

When the Lord, once again, orders demon-posessed swine to run down into the sea.
Matthew 8:24-32

[LetMyPeopleVote]

42. Someday, on a beautiful day, this will be at Deadminster️.

[ShazzieB]

45. You keep asking that question....

...and I have to keep saying no.



But ONE DAY, the answer will be an ecstatic and glorious YES YES YES!!!!!

[hlthe2b]

47. "He invaded my native Mexico! He's DONE NOW!"