Love this part

[LearnedHand]

Ukraine was left blinking into this diplomatic hellscape like someone had just handed them a ransom note written in the tone of a sext between the brain worm married guy and the blonde engaged reporter supposedly covering him without bias. And the rest of the world stared at the United States like we had rolled ourselves in corn syrup, wandered into a crowded dog park at feeding time, and then asked the owners to applaud our composure while fifty dogs sniffed our butt like it was a goddamn crime scene.