White House Reclassifies Nursing As Hobby

[Zorro]

WASHINGTON—Describing the practice as a “fun little side project” rather than an occupation, Education Secretary Linda McMahon announced Monday that nursing would be reclassified as a hobby under new student loan regulations.

“While those seeking degrees in veterinary medicine, law, and podiatry will still have access to the full financing available to future professionals, our department will henceforth limit loans for those Americans simply blowing off a little steam by attending nursing school in between shifts at Buffalo Wild Wings,” said McMahon, who questioned the federal government’s role in loaning out money so students could purchase masks, gloves, and stethoscopes for their “fun little nurse costumes.”

“There’s a lot of cutting and sewing in nursing, so it’s really an activity that falls under arts and crafts. Some moms choose to knit, others choose to nurse. Plus, rushing between ER patients is a great way to stay active, just like riding your bike. And what’s also great is you get to brush shoulders with doctors, who can give you career advice should you choose to pursue a real job in the medical world some day.”

McMahon concluded her statement by announcing the loan cap for theology degrees had been increased to $800,000.

https://theonion.com/white-house-reclassifies-nursing-as-hobby/

[elleng]

1. 'White House' is an ass.

It can measure it's own blood pressure.

[KSL-Washington]

2. Huh?

This isn't a funny joke, just an Onion joke. Unfortunately it sounds like something the Wrestling Momma at DOE would say.

[2naSalit]

3. Let them have a few days without their nurses...

See how that goes.

[shanti]

4. Wow

Mother was a RN, NICU. She’s rolling over in her grave. Wondering what my MAGA aunt (her sister, and a BSN) feels about this? Luckily we don’t meet up for Thanksgiving.

[Buns_of_Fire]

5. I was building up a good head of steam until I glanced down and saw who the source was.

As is usual these days, it's all too believable.

[SWBTATTReg]

6. I was just about to steam off too, until I looked at the source, The Onion...

I've got 3 nurses in my extended family, so not so funny in reality, and these deserve our support every second of every day they work, especially in these trying times. I'm glad I read your first line, 'I was building up a good head of steam...' before I realized it was a joke.

[Liberal In Texas]

7. An Onion joke posted like it's a real news story.

This is click bait. These days it's hard to tell these jokes from reality.

I know, you put the link at the bottom. It really belongs in the subj. line.

[dalton99a]

8. Kick

[sakabatou]

9. I hate it that the Onion strikes so close to reality

[GaYellowDawg]

11. That's EXACTLY what I came here to say.

Thank you for making the point!

[Sympthsical]

10. Hilarious

I'm currently in nursing school while working, and this got me.

“While those seeking degrees in veterinary medicine, law, and podiatry will still have access to the full financing available to future professionals, our department will henceforth limit loans for those Americans simply blowing off a little steam by attending nursing school in between shifts at Buffalo Wild Wings,” said McMahon, who questioned the federal government’s role in loaning out money so students could purchase masks, gloves, and stethoscopes for their “fun little nurse costumes.”

I like my Littman! But yes, lord, the costs of supplies and everything else is an entire thing.

On the plus side, I do kind of feel like Batman. Get four sets of scrubs, each with a dozen pockets, and then fill those pockets with ten thousand things to have on you throughout the day in hospital.

Then you get home, exhausted, go to take off your scrubs, and ten million alcohol pads come flying out of the pockets for some reason.

I've found glucose strips in my dryer. I dunno what's going on anymore.