Grandma Thankfully Dies Before Sister's Girlfriend Arrives

[Zorro]

KNOXVILLE, TN—In a development her family began referring to as a “stroke of luck,” local 81-year-old Gloria Martin reportedly died Thursday before her granddaughter arrived to Thanksgiving dinner with her girlfriend.

“Oh, thank God—problem solved, everybody,” said Frank Martin, grandson of the deceased, who reportedly breathed a sigh of relief along with his cousins, aunts, uncles, and parents after a morning spent imagining the various horrified reactions the family matriarch might have when his sister and her same-sex, live-in partner walked through the door.

“That was going to be stressful, so now it feels like a gigantic weight has been lifted. We honestly couldn’t have asked for better timing. Grandma had just finished making her famous stuffing, which we still get to eat. And my sister was delayed by traffic, so no one has to try to explain what bisexuality is to a Catholic octogenarian. Win-win for everybody, really.”

Martin went on to call his grandmother’s passing a “Thanksgiving miracle” after seeing that his sister had also shaved the side of her head.

https://theonion.com/grandma-thankfully-dies-before-sisters-girlfriend-arrives/

[hlthe2b]

1. Thank goddess that's the Onion. You were about to get the reaming of a lifetime for that subject line!

[SheltieLover]

15. I thought it was real!

[COL Mustard]

18. Sadly, in some families...

It would be real!

[SheltieLover]

19. Definitely

Sad, but true.

[dalton99a]

2. Kick

[2naSalit]

3. K&R

[MarineCombatEngineer]

4. The Onion and The Borowitz Report are national heroes IMO.

Sad thing is that I have to check to see if it's satire when it comes to this Admin, because you just never know.

[GB_RN]

10. Same Here, MCE!

When life imitates art, things have generally gone too far. When you can’t tell the difference between satire and real life, it’s definitely gone way far overboard.

[COL Mustard]

20. The Onion used to be considered satire.

Now it's MSM. Or can easily be confused with MSM news. I've heard of Borowitz but not read it.

Happy Thanksgiving!

[Walleye]

5. I can't even imagine thinking of family like that.

These guys have imagination and sense of humor.

[J_William_Ryan]

6. "I can't even imagine thinking of family like that."

Perhaps.

Good satire contains elements of the truth.

[ColoringFool]

7. I'm Of Mixed Mind About "Onion" GD. Mostly I....

Don't care to read before being duped. But hey! Next time I'll skip to the link!

[niyad]

13. Checking the link is always a good idea.

[The Madcap]

8. Times are strange.

I was fooled until the end, as this story was quite feasible.

[70sEraVet]

9. I recognized The Onion's satire when I read the headline.

Love The Onion!

[niyad]

12. I can see it happening!

[ProfessorGAC]

14. Thought The Same

I saw the Onion link, but I did think "This could really happen."

[niyad]

11. I had to check the link.

[paleotn]

16. The country is so screwed up, I have to check to see if it's The Onion or Borowitz instead of assuming it is.

At this point, damn near anything is plausible. And that story is uber plausible in Knoxville TN. Trust me.

[SheltieLover]

21. The TN location had me going because it is 100% plausible, sadly

[irisblue]

17. Homophobia kills, but very rarely is it the homophobic Granny