The continuing saga of my now-MAGA dad. He sent a horrible text to my sister.

[Coventina]

As you may know, from my previous threads, my dad joined the MAGA cult about 18 months ago.

I've severely limited contact with him, after a few go-arounds of unpleasantness and heartbreak.

Well, my sister called me in tears the night before last.

My dad had sent a text to her and her boyfriend, asking what they want for Christmas.
The boyfriend answered, "A coffin full of Trump."

(Which is actually pretty funny - but anyway)

He responded to BOTH of them this long rant about how they must hope he dies too, and,with all his health problems, they will soon get their wish.

It was really ugly and hurtful.

After about 24 hours, she sent him back a text telling him that he broke her heart by saying that and that she wants him to really examine himself for writing such a thing to his daughter.
She said she wanted some time and space to heal, and to please not get them anything for Christmas.

It is true that my dad is definitely on his way out, but with his ugliness, I don't know that I care all that much.



I mean, I think it's really weird that you would respond to a political joke, even a joke at the expense of "your" candidate like that.
I think it's more evidence that the MAGA cult can't separate themselves from their god-emperor.

[Haggard Celine]

1. I feel your pain.

My dad was telling me the other night that the Somali immigrants have taken over the state of Minnesota and they're about to start having Sharia law up here. He was serious.

You have to remember, they are getting a whole different set of 'facts' from the rest of us. I so wish I could make Fox News go out of business. That network has caused more malice and rancor than anything I can think of since the Civil War. It looks like they might just cause another one. It's not just that they lie, they do it while demonizing the rest of us. It's all about stoking anger.

Your sister was smart to send that note to him and asking him to examine his behavior. That might actually do some good, but I'm not going to say count on it. I'm sorry your dad is in bad health. It's hard to deal with all this while knowing he's not long for this world. I hope y'all can put this political shit aside and enjoy the time you have left. Best of luck to you and your family.

[Coventina]

3. Thank you so much for your kind response!

I agree about Fox news, I think it could actually lead to the collapse of civilization.

I'll let you know if she gets a response....

[no_hypocrisy]

2. I understand. If my father were alive today, he'd be just like your father.

To him, being MAGA would be fun.

Not just "owing the Libs", but to antagonize his children with it. I can see him laughing about it.

Fifteen years ago, he'd be eating breakfast, watching Imus on MSNBC and chuckling away. Later in the day, he'd be repeating quotes from the show. He'd really enjoy Trump as entertainment.

To him, MAGA would have been his kind of "folks".

[Coventina]

4. somehow, I get the feeling that "owning the libs" with just petty barbs and jokes

is their way of feeling somewhat adequate.

[lostnfound]

5. Very insightful comment...people feel inadequate in this complicated world nt

[lostnfound]

6. To MAGA relatives, Trump feels like the most important family member they've got

They think they know him. They think Trump understands and cares about them.

Imagine that your niece or your cousin has a new boyfriend or girlfriend (let’s call them “Jamie”) that they've been dating for a few years, and you can’t stand “Jamie”..
Your niece/cousin asks what you want for Christmas. Poignantly, they ask because they are unwell, and they specifically are thinking that they might not be around for next year’s Christmas, so they want it to be a good present.
You answer “Jamie in a coffin”.

When a relative is dating Jamie, it is beyond frustrating that they keep choosing Jamie in spite of all of the evidence, cajoling, insight and important perspective we might try to share. We know that Jamie is bad — he is stealing from them and from us, he is cheating and being deceptive, he is full of empty blarney and flattery, and we suspect he could and might burn the house down to collect the insurance money.

But to our naive MAGA relatives, Jamie might as well be their Beloved, their biggest high school crush, their fiancee. He is or was their dream, and to the extent that the dream is dying, it is a big raw wound for them.

[harumph]

11. I think that's spot on with many of them -

In other cases, they like him because it makes them believe they're effectual when they may feel
ineffectual in their lives. By being part of the Trump support, they're shaking things up, etc. If there hadn't been so many lonely and economically challenged people in the US leading up to 2016, he would never have won. But the more desperate people get, the more angry they get and want to burn it all down - not realizing how much they personally would suffer. The less educated citizenry and even the reasonably educated but narcissistic citizens both have something major in common: they either fail to appreciate - or worse yet - disdain complexity and don't concede how (we) are economically connected. They have experienced that even when things get bad, or more expensive, they can still buy gas, food, or take an air flight to visit a relative. They have no g-damn idea about
all the moving parts that must move in concert to make sure items are on the shelves or really, no idea how anything works at all. They conceive of it as just something that simply works - they reduce the US economy to a countertop appliance. At the other end of the spectrum, some MAGA-friendly billionaires have a slightly different blind spot. Maybe early on they were able to invest in something that really took off. So after a few million here and there, and with the help of financial advisors, it's inconceivable (they believe) for them to suffer an existential wealth loss. Having such wealth, they don't need to make the effort to buy their own groceries. They don't fly commercial. They hire people to curate their purchases. They don't even select the art that hangs on their walls. They get out-of-touch, bored and dangerous. Feeling empty - because let's face it - they know in their heart of hearts it could've been somebody else in their position - they desperately want to matter, and in wanting to matter, they start get "ideas." Some of these ideas come straight from sci-fi novels.

[wolfie001]

7. So sorry to hear that

At least you and your sister are on the same team and can give each other support . My MAGA siblings are................. .

[usaf-vet]

8. The boyfriend answered, "A coffin full of Trump." Do they come in that size?

[Tesha]

9. I am so very sorry

all those I see on Fb who are in his camp take every jab/joke/meme against him personally.

They have a visceral reaction and it's really, really weird to watch;

[alcuno]

10. I hope the boyfriend apologizes for his response.

Someone asking for gift ideas and that is his response to a known MAGA? Really dumb and needlessly provocative. No excuses for whatever dad wrote but the boyfriend clearly pushed the start button.

[Happy Hoosier]

12. I'm so sorry... Of all the horrible things Trump has done....

Turning our parents into monsters is the worst.

I find myself sadly comforted that my parents are gone and I never had to see them descend into this degraded madness.

[MineralMan]

13. I have always believed that politics do not belong in family communications.

Ever. I do not control my relatives, and they, in turn, do not control me. We do not attempt to do that at any time.

I have Magats in my family. I have socialists in my family. We do not discuss politics, because we have family interests in common. So, political matters stay in the background in our communications. We all know how each other feels about political issues. We all know that we are not going to change the feelings of the others. So, we leave politics out of our relationships. Period.

No jokes. No sarcasm. No nothing related to political positions. That way, we can get along OK and help each other when that is needed.

In 2021, when both of my parents died at the age of 96, it fell to me to deal with their estate, which was in a family trust. Thanks to my father, whom I had informed about the advantages of such a trust. He followed up on that with an attorney. I knew nothing about what arrangements had been made. I did not know that I would be the successor trustee. I learned that after they died.

Because the family had always kept politics and political matters out of our family discussions, everyone trusted me to handle things properly. And I did. Politics stayed out of it. I just did what was needed to follow the guidelines set up by my parents. I did it fairly, efficiently, and had the entire estate sorted and distributed within four months. Despite some less than friendly relationships, we skipped the differences between member of the family and got down to business.

Now, I'm the last living member of my generation of that family. I'm glad we were able to deal with something that is often a disaster without any dispute or rancor. I think our avoidance of the political world within the family is largely responsible for that.

So, I recommend that everyone who can try to avoid political discussions within extended family situations. Keep it family oriented. Let everyone follow their own political path and stay on your own. It will be much easier and more peaceful.

[Xolodno]

29. That's my philosophy.

But with some family and friends, for whatever reason, they can't help themselves. Maybe it makes them feel superior and they think they can anything that gets put in front of them. You can just ignore them, but in many cases, they see at as an invitation to push further. You can tell them you don't like discussing it and then they go further, unable to get the hint.

Finally, you strike back and they act like you stole their lollypop. Then they get hostile when you counter facts vs. opinion. You can point out that they started it and should just leave it before it gets worse. Nope, they double down. Thus, they destroy the relationship, not you, despite several warnings.

[blubunyip]

32. Absolutely

Kumbayah doesn't work sometimes. Worth a try, but if it fails, there's nothing to do but give them some space. There is no friendship bond or even family bond that is worth taking on someone's else's twisted negativity at the expense of one's own self-respect. As hard as it is, you have to stand your ground. And the interesting thing is, often this will be the only thing they DO respect. They see that you have a boundary. That takes strength to uphold, but it is the only way without damaging personal sacrifice. I know, I've been there. It's much healthier on the other side of the boundary line. Cutting off can involve a period of grieving, but it's an opening for better things.

[Arazi]

14. Cue up the DUers scolding those of us who shun MAGAt relatives and friends

This situation is maddening and terribly sad. I wish the scolds here could extend some compassion for those of us in the middle of it with close family.

Even if your sister and her SO suggested something innocuous, MAGAts always ALWAYS twist it into rage bait.

I used to try snark with them (like your sister’s SO) and now they just get silence or full elimination from my life.

[EdmondDantes_]

15. There's a significant gap between shunning and deliberately antagonizing

From the account the dad said nothing political. I cut my biological dad out 20+ years ago because he's a bad person. If you're going to leave someone in your life, don't go picking a fight with them. If you can't avoid picking a fight, get them out of your life and go to therapy. It's the responsible thing to do.

[Arazi]

16. lol, so in *THIS* exchange the Dem family member got snarky first

But I goddamn guarantee you there’s been MANY other interactions, probably most if not all of the other interactions where the MAGAt family member gets aggressively provocative first.

[EdmondDantes_]

24. From the evidence presented, that's an assumption

But even supposing it's true, that's not an excuse for picking a fight yourself. Again if you find yourself unable to not respond like this, why make yourself deal with them? Simply don't. You'll be happier if you aren't dealing with people who you feel the need to antagonize them regardless of whether it's mutual. Who needs the aggravation? Life is short and I've got enough other problems to deal with without subjecting myself to additional problems.

[Torchlight]

18. Often, that gap is little more than inference.

[MustLoveBeagles]

17. I'm so sorry 😔

I was lucky with my dad. He was a libertarian and hated dump.

[GreatGazoo]

19. Sounds like there is pain on both sides

and the boyfriend is not helping matters by trolling (?)

'We grieve not only for the person lost but also for what, due to their passing, will never be.' - Elisabeth Kübler-Ross

[Emile]

20. Wondering how we can deprogram 70 million cult members?

[Initech]

22. Start arresting Fox News hosts?

[maxsolomon]

21. The Boyfriend should have refrained from that "joke".

Your father is emotionally invested in MAGA. Trump's death is his death.

[electric_blue68]

23. I'm sorry your sister got such a fierce response from your father....

My folks were both gone before 2015/16.

They were both Liberal Democrats. My mom would have hated drumphf not only policy but his cruelty. My dad had gotten depressed so he may not have cared, but had he not been ill he would have been against him, too.

And my only sib is also a Liberal Dem.

[Iggo]

25. I would have saved that joke for someone other than family.

It is a funny joke. (And I’m gonna use it myself.)

But I’m with whoever it was upthread who suggested the boyfriend might want to reach out and apologize to pops. Break the ice a little.

Just a suggestion. Ain’t really my business..

[Deuxcents]

27. I'll agree with you.

[Bread and Circuses]

26. I'm sorry . Republican voters are mean and their vileness and explosiveness increases with age....because....

They live to see the suffering and destruction of others . They’re angry because they’re not seeing enough pain and torture …

[usonian]

28. Just as they project their weaknesses, failure and fears on others, Jabba the Orange Hutt is a projection of themselves.

He is very deliberate about this.

Fascist playbook.

And it's 100% cult.

It's just too damn bad that people can't find a real hero to emulate. I asked my brilliant daughter who her heroes were, and she had no answer. I can think of several (starting with Mark Twain, which accounts for my twisted wit, and I'm damn proud of it!)

It doesn't have to be "worship", just some really engaging and admirable traits we like and strive for.

But cults be cults.

[tavernier]

30. Sorry to disagree.

If I asked my kids to give me suggestions on what they would like for Christmas and they answered “a coffin full of Biden,” I would be hurt at their rudeness to my intended kindness. Your dad, being an avowed MAGA, is probably hard to take to his family who can’t understand why he has allowed himself to fall for a grifter and a con man, but nevertheless, it’s not an appropriate response. Pot stirring boyfriend should have kept his mouth shut and sister might have said something like, “I would like good health for you in the new year, dad.”

[Scrivener7]

31. I would be pissed, but I certainly wouldn't jump to, "That means you want me dead too."

Maybe, "That means you don't want a gift from me" but the comparison of the boyfriend's trolling and the father's reaction is not a comparison of equal things.

The dad's reaction was unhinged.

[blubunyip]

33. I agree. The dad is

messed up. But maybe the boyfriend's brutal honesty gave him a chance to express himself before he dies, to defend the lies he has lived by. It's a sad story. But many go to their graves unchanging, without remorse. No need for any apologies to Dad here. He had a chance to rise above, reach out, but obviously despite his years, he lacks wisdom and maturity. This is how brains are hijacked and it's what we need to stand up against. Excusing the Dad's cult behavior for the sake of family gets us nowhere. There may still be time for some patch up but if nothing comes from Dad, it's truly over. I have had to accept that a family member died to me, before he actually died. I grieved his death only once.