About Nick Reiner

[no_hypocrisy]

I understand too well about dysfunctional family dynamics like this situation.

My friend was 77 when this happened. He's struggling due to a head-on car collision six years ago. He was nearly medically decapitated and had to have surgery to re-attach his head to his cervical spine (neck) with rods.

His son was 45 and living with my friend and his wife due to the collapse of his second marriage. And an alcoholic. Went to rehab at least twice on my friend's limited funds and left both times against advice. He's still drinking. (My friend has found those airplane bottles of booze scattered around his bedroom.)

Early April, my friend suffered 2-3 days of violent nausea, vomiting, and diarrhea b/c his son gave him food that was left out in his car for 12+ hours (food poisoning). Weakened, my friend struggled to recover.

And without warning, in a drunken rage, his son attacked him in their home. A Half-Nelson on the vulnerable neck. And the son called his aunt and blathered that he was going to smash his father's face. And then returned to hit his father with a baseball bat, breaking four ribs.

Now, mind you that my friend has financed his son throughout his life. Paid for two failed weddings and marriages. Paid to restore a purchased home that was essentially made of balsa wood with his own funds. Hasn't asked for rent or a contribution for utilities, etc.

And despite what happened in April, the son continues to live with my friend and his wife.

And I fear for my friend's safety and life as attacks like this are rarely isolated and will be repeated in the future.

[snowybirdie]

1. There are many struggling

with addiction. A beloved grandson attacked a 78 year old grandmother in our family while in the throes of addiction. Denied it later. So horribly common in our society. My heart breaks for the Reiner family.

[BlueWaveNeverEnd]

36. on the real life show "Intervention" - many of the episodes featured parents/grandparents under considerable pressure

from the addict for money for drugs. often the parents will have washed their hands of the drug addicted son and he's living with grandma... not a good situation for a vulnerable older woman to have a 20 - 30 desperate male living in her home.

[Liberal In Texas]

2. Malcolm Nance said that Rob Reiner talked to him about

his concern for his safety due to his son and wanted some advice about what he could do.

[MadameButterfly]

13. wow

We just dont know what people are living with

[Irish_Dem]

22. I was thinking the same thing.

All of the Reiner fame and money did not help them in the end.

[BlueWaveNeverEnd]

37. indeed. He has so many resources, I wish he had hired a full time security guard

[flamingdem]

28. Wow. I wonder what Malcolm suggested

Such a tough situation.

[LymphocyteLover]

3. Yikes. So awful and cruel. Some sort of demonic force must grip these people

my son had some drinking problems and psychological issues and would get really crazy at times, where he seemed almost possessed, but thankfully never violent with us. Thankfully he's in recovery and doing much better now.

[kellytore]

4. Addiction is horrible, and mixed with a mental illness creates a dangerous situation.

[3Hotdogs]

5. Next door neighbors - I grew up in a working class neighborhood - two family houses. Next door neighbors were

dying to have a child. After years of trying, they succeeded. The last I heard, the kid was in is 30's and punching them because he wasn't given money. They moved to Florida so I don't know how things worked out.


Second family, same house. Two sons. The boys, unlike "poor me," had new bikes, baseball gloves, and on and on. The family moved to a ritzier part of town and years later, I saw the father. "How are X and X?"

"I raised two bastards." That was his reply.

I thought about this because their mother's obit was in Sunday's paper. She died at age 101. -- All the wonderful tributes to her but I doubt they appreciated those qualities in her when she was alive.


And we wonder. Are these problem kids due to genetics or upbringing?

[hunter]

6. Don't forget environmental factors.

We are doused in man-made chemicals that were not present in the environments humans evolved in and many of us do not eat nutritious foods.

[llmart]

9. My question would be...

why is it almost always a man?

Of course I'm not saying it's always the case, but we need to look more closely at the mass shootings which are almost always perpetrated by men. The MAGA movement, the militias, domestic violence against women.... Something is clearly wrong with our country and I'm not sure it's genetic. Are fathers to blame for not being more involved in their sons' lives? Is toxic masculinity defined by our culture? I certainly don't have all the answers, if any.

[cab67]

12. "almost" being an important qualifier here -

I know a family in which the dangerously violent outbursts come from a daughter. She's definitely got emotional problems, and she has a history of drug abuse.

[Irish_Dem]

24. A daughter is not likely to slit the throat of her parents.

No matter how drug addicted or violent.

[haele]

14. Daughters can be just as locked into themselves as sons...

Society teaches them to be more passive, though. They will rage and punish others through neglect and oppositional defiance. Less likely to physically hurt or kill, more likely to steal .

[lostnfound]

21. Brain wiring and genetics play a part

higher testosterone levels, less circuits to control of anger, more variability.

[Irish_Dem]

25. Young men also have delayed frontal lobe development compared to females.

The center of judgement, reasoning, etc.

[BlueWaveNeverEnd]

34. don't let Christian rightwingers hear you say that. Dont you know that women are created to be under male leadership?

[Irish_Dem]

39. Yes, and it is a very bad system.

Men are destroying the planet and the people on it.

[Irish_Dem]

40. Yes, and it is a very bad system.

Men are destroying the planet and the people on it.

[Irish_Dem]

23. Yes most of the violence on the planet is male.

We take it for granted and make excuses for men.
If women were doing all of the killings and rapes they would be put into camps.

[msfiddlestix]

26. I have frequently observed over the span of years mothers almost training their sons to hate women as a result

Of how much they seem to treat them as infants, waiting on them hand and foot their entire growing up years and Beyond it's weird just really weird. I have seen it so often and wondered about the effect.

[llmart]

27. I've read your post a couple times to try to understand it.

This is not criticism of your post. I'm just trying to understand it because I've never seen that much of it and maybe that is generational. I'm leading edge boomer of WWII parents and my mother didn't wait on any of us hand and foot, and there were 4 girls and 3 boys. I have seen it more when I worked at a university and the mothers would come to school with their kids to enroll them in classes or look into student aid. This was the generation starting college around 2018-2019 - don't know what that generation is called. That's when the term "helicopter parent" emerged.

My son would get a real laugh out of your post about mothers who waited on their sons hand and foot their entire growing up years. As a mother I expected both my son and my daughter to do whatever they were capable of doing for themselves. My son was born fiercely independent and has been his entire life. My daughter was always independent also but I think she sometimes resented me for my values, especially in her teen years. My son was always grateful that I instilled independence in him. My mother died when I was a teenager and my father was pretty useless, so I had a lot of responsibility. I used to wonder how I would have survived and thrived if I wouldn't have been taught how to be independent and resourceful. I took that thought into my parenting years making sure that if I died they would have the skills to navigate life. After all, the number one job of parents is to give their child the skills they need to become healthy and functional adults.

[msfiddlestix]

38. Oopsy. Didn't want to paint such a broad brushstroke, apologize for that.not intended.

[llmart]

41. Oh, I didn't read it like that.

It was me trying to understand your experiences.

[Vinca]

7. Why isn't the son in jail? Seriously. That's attempted murder of your friend.

[no_hypocrisy]

11. After decades of domestic abuse

from his wife, my friend is accustomed to lying about the dysfunction.

In this case, he likely was afraid of his son “finishing the job”.

I’m trying to get him into therapy.

[Hope22]

15. In the case of the Reiner's they did set boundaries and after repeated rehab visits...

The son eventually lived on the street and wrote about his journey. This is a sad story that has gone on for years.

[3Hotdogs]

16. This happened decades ago. It is unlikely that the parents are alive.

The son, probably also gone.

About the other family. The "bastards" were listed as survivors. I don't know of violence there. Just a disappointed parent about how his kids turned out,

[txwhitedove]

8. From my own history with such family

members, after a doctor's counsel and reading, it came down to separation. "I love you, but..." you do no favors supporting them. It is horrible, like cutting off your own arm. My addicted husband was on the street and murdered. My daughter took years but works, supporting herself, and more like the fun girl she was before...but I still fear having her stay in my house.

[allegorical oracle]

31. Had to do that with a family member, too. She became a meth addict, which broke up her

marriage. When she was "high" she was great -- funny and a true pleasure to be around. But when she got into situations away from her drugs and I guess they had worn off, she turned into a monster. She invariably called me for drug money and when I denied giving it to her, she called me every name in the book. Her last call was in the early 2000s. Haven't heard from her since.

Addiction is a horrible illness.

[mainer]

10. These horrible stories -- I wish there were answers

I know of such families, where all the siblings are fine -- except for one, who terrorizes everyone else. Addiction is usually involved, but sometimes it's just sheer sociopathy. A combination of genetics, unknown trauma, or toxins?

[artemisia1]

17. Thank President Reagan for closing the hospitals that used to house these individuals. /nt

[senseandsensibility]

18. Yes, there is definitely a need for some of these violent individuals

to be institutionalized. If they are violent, it is not fair to ask their families to risk their lives.

[Polybius]

29. That was horrible, but why wasn't the policy ever reversed?

Lot's of chances to do it since and we didn't.

[senseandsensibility]

19. I'm getting a feeling that this situation is more common that we realize

I know someone who was murdered by her only child a few years ago. Horrific. I still can barely stand to think of it without tearing up.

[Rebl2]

20. Sounds like

someone needs to report elder abuse.

[no_hypocrisy]

32. I tried. But the Elder Abuse division won't do anything unless

my friend asks for help, and he won't. Either due to fear, embarrassment, or shame.

[Rebl2]

33. Must be

different for every state. In my state an individual outside the situation, like a friend, can report it, but I think you have to have some evidence. Of course a doctor or social worker are mandatory reporters. Don’t know about ministers/clergy.

[BlueWaveNeverEnd]

35. the same week, also LA area, Rich doctor couple killed by son, famous singer killed by son

parents with substantial resources threatening to pull resources from son equals danger???