More Things You Have To Believe To Be A Republican Today: War on Christmas 2025 Edition

[Fritz67]

From the same people who brought you the corrected retelling of a beloved Christmas classic, "Mister Potter and the Commies of Bedford Falls"...

Coming Soon From Fox News:
The Donald Trump Christmas Carol!
———-
Ghost of Fred Trump: Donald, Son, you’re going down the wrong path. Racism, cheating people…they’ll get you sent to Hell just like me!

Stinky Donald: Liar! All the preachers that support me say I’m doing God’s work! And no way my Dad would have been caught dead in tacky chains like that! They're not even gold!

Fred: Donald…I AM your father...and I AM dead!

Stinky Donald: Fake Ghost!!! Hoax!!!
———-
The Ghost of Christmas Past: …And here you are cheating on your first wife, Ivana, and divorcing her.

Stinky Donald: She’d got too old! And when she died I buried her on my golf course and got a yuge tax break!!! That's smart!!!
———-
The Ghost of Christmas Present: Here’s a ten year old girl that got pregnant by a rapist, and had to go to another state because of the abortion ruling the justices you nominated made!

Stinky Donald: She’s a four at best, nobody would rape her. The little slut probably had it coming!
———-
The Ghost of Christmas Future: …And here’s America turned into a Fascist shithole, where white men have to work seven days a week at jobs that they hate for little money, white women are stuck in the kitchen making sandwiches and raising babies, and everyone else is dead.

Stinky Donald: You mean I do it?! I Make America Great Again!?! AWESOME!!! THANK YOU FOR YOUR ATTENTION ON THIS MATTER!!!

(No. 73 in an occasional series.)

More Family Values™ Republicans Eligible To Be Appointed To Government By Donald Trump:

Sean Duffy
Paul Ingrassia
Cory Mills (UPDATED!)
Errol Musk
Josh Schriver

I've previously posted the entire list to date, but it's become so large and unwieldy, from now on I'm only posting the additions. I will still post the entire list in the first column every year from now on. You can see the full list as of January 2025 here

More Reposts and Updates:

* Political discourse has gone rotten in this country, and the filthy stupid evil America-hating terrorist-loving rapist atheist Muslin communist socialist pedophile Nazi liberals are to blame for it. (#1, Nov 2010)

* When the Republican-majority House and the Republican-majority Senate cannot pass a bill to be signed by the Republican President in time, the shutdown of the government is, of course, the Democrats' fault. (#31, Jan 2018)

Or another way...

* It's the Democrats' fault that we had the kind of government shutdown that only happens when Republicans run at least one house of Congress. (#65, Nov 2023)

All-New More Things You Have To Believe To Be A Republican Today:

* You laughed at jokes about the attack on Paul Pelosi and the assassinations of two Democratic politicians in Minnesota. You find jokes about the assassination of Charlie Kirk to be vile and disgusting.

Why are they so mad? Well, because they don't want to release the Epstein files.

Oops...update...

* Jokes about the horrific assassination of Charlie Kirk are vile and disgusting.

Still in a state of shock trying to process the tragic loss of one of the most gifted men in the entertainment industry & his wife when the Embarrassment-in-Chief disgraces common human decency with this repulsive, deranged statement.

#NoWords 🤮

— Mark Hamill (@markhamillofficial.bsky.social) 2025-12-15T19:45:28.820Z

Blaming Rob Reiner's horrific murder on his criticism of Trump is no big deal and all the libturds need to lighten up.

* Deeply offensive: Quoting things Charlie Kirk actually said. No big deal: calling for the homeless to be murdered.

Why are they so mad? Well, because they don't want to release the Epstein files.

* "Mortgage Fraud": Biden appointee Federal Reserve Governor Lisa Cook's alleged home loan paperwork discrepancies; No Big Deal: Trump's Secretary of Treasury Scott Bessent doing the exact same thing Cook was accused of.

Oops...wait...there's already an update on that one too...

* "Mortgage Fraud": Biden appointee Federal Reserve Governor Lisa Cook's alleged home loan paperwork discrepancies; No Big Deal: TRUMP doing the exact same thing Cook was accused of.

* You absolutely support free speech...except in the case of talk show hosts who say things you don't like.

But it goes back to something I read (I wish I remember where--I tried to google it) which went something like "Democrats get mad when Republicans lie about them, Republicans get mad when Democrats tell the truth about them."

* You're mad that Indiana Jones, who has been depicted as hating Nazis since 1981, still hates Nazis

|

Why are they so mad? Well, because they don't want to release the Epstein files.

* Another new crime in the age of Trump: Riding a Train While Black.

* Firing offense: A federal prosecutor telling ICE agents to actually follow the law.

* Military leaders can learn a lot about "warrior ethos" and fitness from a drunken former Fox News host and an obese, senile draft dodger.

* You're furious about a cartoon that isn't even being made anymore.

Why are they so mad? Well, because they don't want to release the Epstein files.

* Bombing fishing boats, sending your secret police to harass random brown people, trying to get TV hosts fired for making fun of your, locking children in cages, and starting wars in your own cities are accomplishments worthy of the Nobel Peace Prize.

* Not a Problem: Kash Patel using a government jet to go on a date during a government shut down. Firing Offense: Letting people know about it.

* The best ways to fight the war on drugs is to blow up random fishing boats and pardon drug lords.

Until next time...