Spurious News: California first state to ban "Mar-a-Lago Face" surgical procedure!
SACRAMENTO, CALIF (Spurious News Network) -- "Mar-a-Lago Face" has become the latest and most popular request by cosmetic surgery patients. It involves heavy doses of Botox, injections of facial fillers, surgery and extremely heavy makeup in an attempt to make an average person look like a member of Trump's inner circle.
"It's not just women doing it," said Amber Jacobson, manager of the Beauty department at Nordstrom of Walnut Creek, Calif. "I had a 45-year-old man, who I thought was reasonably handsome but he was never gonna be a 'super hunk' or anything, come in yesterday and spend $400 on makeup to look, and I quote, 'manly enough for President Trump.' Everyone needs a hobby, I guess."
Today California Governor Gavin Newsom signed legislation to prohibit the procedure from being performed anywhere in the state.
"It's totally economic," said Governor Newsom. "I believe everyone should be able to look exactly the way they want to. The problem we're having with this Mar-a-Lago Face fad, and it is a fad, is the entertainment industry is a major contributor to California's economy. Forty or fifty years ago a movie or television star could 'fix' a lot of the results of living a good life, like wrinkles and crow's feet, by putting on a little more makeup. In today's marketplace, where high-definition television and IMAX filming has taken over, if you put makeup on wrinkles they don't go away but you look like you're wearing too much makeup. Botox and fillers have become an essential part of life for any actor, and Mar-a-Lago Face is keeping them from getting the products they need. Right now we've got at least twelve projects on hold until emergency stocks of Botox can be flown into the state, costing people millions a day and keeping us all from enjoying new art."
The California cosmetic surgery and medical aesthetics industries are united in support of the new law.
"Thank God!" said Sheila Harris, MD, a cosmetic surgeon in Brentwood, Calif. "I always hated doing Mar-a-Lago Face! People come in here looking for it, you turn them down because they don't have the skin and bone structure to support it, and they threaten to sue you. Or you do it, it doesn't come out like they imagined it would - let's be real, the only people on this earth who's going to come out of recovery looking like Kristi Noem or Melania Trump are Kristi and Melania - and they threaten to sue you. Or they ask for a 50-unit Botox treatment, a Restylane (filler) treatment and a Kybella (a drug that diminishes double chins) treatment in one sitting, which is an unbelievable amount of injectable, and freak out when you start filling the forty syringes that much injectable requires. And oh, the next day! Everyone who's ever gotten a non-surgical one-day Mar-a-Lago Face procedure has stormed in the next day screaming about how their faces were just one solid mass of bruises. Honey, you got your face poked with needles 500 times in less than an hour; what the hell did you think was going to happen? I even had a nine-year-old child come to me to ask for Mar-a-Lago Face. She wasn't happy when I told her she wasn't a candidate but she perked up quite a bit when I told her she was already prettier than all those women with all that stuff in their faces - and it was true, she was beautiful and really nice once she understood she didn't need Mar-a-Lago Face. Now that Governor Newsom has acted, I can simply tell the people who want to look like they're trying to get a date with Donald Trump, 'I'm sorry, I can't legally perform that procedure.' It'll make life simpler all around."
Reaction from the Trump camp was predictable. Five minutes after Governor Newsom signed the bill into law, King Donald Trump posted a message on Truth Social that read, "The rogue, corrupt government of California has gone too far. I will be invading California and making it a state so the long-suffering residents there can get the medical treatment they need." The message was taken down five minutes later after 35 respondents pointed out California is already a state, usually in obscenity-laden posts.
= new reply since forum marked as read
