I want to help.

[OldBaldy1701E]

But, between my health, my lack of wealth, a complete lack of hope for anything anymore, as well as my ever-growing fury over what is happening in this city/state/country, plus the fact that I will NOT stand idly by when someone is being attacked (I do not care about their accoutrements, without proper ID, they are criminals engaged in criminal activity).

So, it is probably best that I sit in my living room and slowly waste away. I would not be of any use in the current mindset that is being applied here. (I doubt I would be of any use in any mindset, to be honest.)

But, I am finding it increasingly hard not to do something, even if that something would not be... popular?

[senseandsensibility]

1. It sounds to me like you are being too hard on yourself

Cut yourself some slack, as we used to say. It's easy to feel hopeless and I share that sentiment sometimes, but if your age and health are contributing factors to you not being able to do more, just do what you can. Even small things like contacting your reps and of course voting make a difference. We all do what we can, and if your heart is in the right place there's no reason to feel guilty!

[OldBaldy1701E]

10. That seems to be the issue.

Some think that it is not.

Because, for some reason, my disgust and calls for action over letting those thugs run amok without any response in kind is not considered being 'in the right place'.

My guilt is the fact that I have failed in every way, and this is just another failure. No one wants to listen and no one wants to change what it behind this. Changing it would, in fact, help us remove the current regime, as well as making sure we never get another one.

But, I am wrong about all of this, according to everyone, so...

[applegrove]

2. Look in Blue Sky, and other websites, for content to

put up in the DU as Original Posts. Is some issue being missed? Is something off to the side interesting? We have to keep people with a wide scope even though their instincts would be to narrow the focus to a few things that scare them the most about what is happening to the USA. Tunnel vision is a trap. You can do it!!!

[OldBaldy1701E]

7. Thanks.

I have been. Its is just that my position on the causes of this and what we can do about it seems to be at odds with what others here are thinking and what they see as 'the best way forward'.

As I have said before, those who are in the socioeconomic position to ride this out are the same ones telling us to not do anything other than whine like little children. I just find that silly advice, since they don't seem to understand that this is a war zone. But, they are our leaders, so we are supposed to die off while they wait for the right moment to do something that will not remove the system that gives them their power as well. But, sorry folks, if we really want this to never happen again, that is exactly what has to be done. But, it won't happen. Because we are programmed to believe anyone with a large bank account and to not mess with anything that might change or remove that equation.

It is insulting and disgusting to me.

But, I guess I am alone in this position.

It is hard to watch the train wreck when you were warning it to watch out a long time ago. It I even harder knowing that we will be among the first to die in said wreck. That tends to make one very... irrational... at times.

And very angry.

[WhiskeyGrinder]

3. I bet you know enough people that if you asked five of them to pitch in five bucks and each ask five friends to do the

same that you’d come up with a nice lil chunk for a ball fund or rent relief or legal aid.

[OldBaldy1701E]

6. Unfortunately, you would lose that bet.

I don't know anyone around here outside of our former landlord, whom I wish to stay away from because I am still willing to knock his teeth out for lying and misleading us for years. That is about it. There is myself and there is my husband. I have struggled immensely with trying to find a friend up here. It had been my experience that no one up here is interested in being around me. I find that very wild, as this decision is usually made without even meeting in most instances. Apparently, people here can just lay eyes on someone and immediately know everything a bout them as well as discerning the fact that I would certainly not make an acceptable acquaintance. I cannot explain it, as this has never been an issue in my entire life... before moving here.

There is also the fact that I am not alone in this struggle, and I guess my ability to connect with rich people has never worked because all the people I know (from where we used to live) are in the same boat. They don't have five bucks to spare.

But, thanks for being positive. That is something that I cannot do anymore.

[1WorldHope]

4. It sounds like you are toying with ending it all.

Am I reading you correctly?

[OldBaldy1701E]

8. I have been toying with that for most of my entire life.

But, this time it is different in that there is nothing to be done. There is no help outside of each other. There is no relief in sight for anyone who is not already wealthy. People like me are the fodder. We are what they use to build the roads and the buildings. We are the ones who die working for those who could care less.

And, we were given the chance to address it all with this regime coming into power. But, we won't. Because to remove what put the slime there is to remove what put all of them there.

And, we just won't do it. So, the system that wants me to defend it is the same system that caused all of this and is why I have nothing and can hope for nothing.

Knowing all of this... is it any wonder that part of me wants to get the hell out of here?

[1WorldHope]

12. I hear you. I feel hopeless much of the time myself.

You are a good writer. Keep writing and remember you are not on this ship alone and before it sinks, you might be able to save someone else.
You are so right about us being fodder. We are the labor and the grease that keeps their cruel machines going. I think since Reagan/Bush some real nasty shit has been happening that they have been able to cover up until now. They are fighting like hell to keep it buried, but that is harder to do in the age of computers that are now in our hands. I think we have broke open some of the secrets that have been keeping a lot of these greedy fuckers quiet.
When I realized the sex trafficking of children was going right to the top and spilling over into the governments of other countries, I came to this conclusion:
They aren't against abortion because they love fetuses. They are against abortion because they want to, torture, rape and kill those kids. If there are no homeless kids or dirt poor kids on the street where will they get their supply?
It's pretty hard to live with these truths.
There are 3 places I go to get a little relief, #1 protests. Find out about local protests, contact the organization and tell them you need a ride.
2nd I talk to my sister and girl friends on the phone. 3rd I come here to see that I am not alone.
People on earth have always struggled, in many cases much worse than we have, they still are. Imagine living in a cardboard box along the RR tracks in India with the other untouchables. I'm going to guess that you are white like me, just imagine not being white in this country.
There is an artist I think would help you to listen to, his name is John Trudell. He was a native man who was a poet and put his words to native music, chanting and drums. He speaks about the white man's ways destroying not only them but us as well. He's not angry at us even though the FBI burned down his home in the winter on the reservation and killed his wife and 3 or 4 children, during the modern day Wounded Knee. I'll try to paste the URL here without losing every thing I wrote. On second thought, I will add it on edit. I'm always here to talk. Thank you for reaching out and saying what many of us are also feeling. ❤️✌🏼🤟🏼

[Ocelot II]

5. You can help. Everyone can help in some way. You don't have to be on the front lines.

You don't need to be a hero and obviously we don't need any more martyrs. If you can't afford to offer financial assistance, you can go to one of the helping groups and do something like sort clothing and food to be delivered. You can just stand or sit on a street corner with a sign - those groups are all over now. If you can't leave your house, write letters to your state and federal reps and letters to the editors of newspapers. Everyone can do something, and you would absolutely be useful. Here's a list of ways to help. https://files.constantcontact.com/922451b6901/1adc2445-c7ed-4823-80a8-d0b2924b1990.pdf

[OldBaldy1701E]

9. What is interesting is that I am also in need of most of what is listed there.

For now, the main issue is that I cannot find it within myself to do much of anything, as the cause of all of this is not going to be addressed, nor even acknowledged.

I am not sure I want to help retain the current system. I want it to change. No one else seems to want to.

So, there is quite the struggle inside at the moment as to what I can do, when I still hold the position that we are not going about this in the correct way, nor trying for the goal of making sure this does not happen again. I want to help, but I don't want to help keep the reason why our citizens are being attacked in place.

The majority of the list are things that I have said that I cannot do. Which is rather deflating, I must say. I also love how money is pretty much the main thing needed to do anything. Both sides are practically begging for it. For those of us who do not have it, we don't offer much other than 'grunt' physical labor, and I cannot do that anymore. Hell, I cannot even clean my bathroom in one day!

[Ocelot II]

11. You can write! You're good at it.

The pen is mightier than the sword and all that. Use that sword! Write to all the politicians you can think of. Paper mail gets more attention than email, but if email is all you have, use that. Call their offices, too. Write letters to newspapers and blogs. Put posters up in your windows. Even staying home, you have the power of your opinion and your voice. Don't believe for a minute that you have no power.