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RandySF

(86,067 posts)
Thu May 7, 2026, 01:20 AM May 7

Secret Service Officer Accused Of Public Masturbation After Guarding Trump At Golf Tourney

A Secret Service officer is accused of masturbating in front of guests at a Miami hotel after providing security for President Donald Trump at a golf tournament on Sunday, according to reports.

John Spillman was charged with indecent exposure, according to jail records.

He was placed on leave, CNBC reported.

“The alleged conduct is unacceptable and stands in stark contrast to the professionalism and integrity that I demand of our personnel,” Secret Service chief Richard Macauley of the uniformed division said in a statement to TMZ.




https://www.huffpost.com/entry/secret-service-john-spillman-indecent-exposure-masturbating_n_69f9ba0de4b0e719534e50ab

40 replies = new reply since forum marked as read
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Secret Service Officer Accused Of Public Masturbation After Guarding Trump At Golf Tourney (Original Post) RandySF May 7 OP
Well, he can't be accused of not having stamina! Abolishinist May 7 #1
Going for course record for strokes? FHRRK1 May 7 #22
I have to ignore this or spend the next half hour thinking up jokes. betsuni May 7 #2
How could anyone joke about this? Orrex May 7 #21
Ummm FHRRK1 May 7 #23
his name is John SPILLMAN??? scipan May 7 #3
Yeah, you can't make that up! yellowcanine May 7 #5
Lol FHRRK1 May 7 #24
Well,... at least his last name was not,.... magicarpet May 7 #26
Eww? What? LeftInTX May 7 #4
That's what happens when you get rid of the good agents and replace with MAGA losers. kerry-is-my-prez May 7 #6
Ok, let's break this down Polybius May 7 #7
Because he was sure Trump would pardon him afterwards Walleye May 7 #28
Nah, it's not that, because you don't see other SS do it, or even crazy appointees Polybius May 7 #36
I think you're right, maybe Trump is blaming him for the assassination attempts Walleye May 7 #37
But can he hit the long ball? Orrex May 7 #8
Problem is he gets a two stroke penalty FHRRK1 May 7 #25
Keep reading Orrex May 7 #30
You have already earned a place of honor on DU for jokes. jmbar2 May 7 #31
That'll cost him two strokes. Orrex May 7 #9
He should try choking up on the shaft Orrex May 7 #10
He was let go because his performance was subpar Orrex May 7 #11
I know a guy who did that so much that he got a hole in one Orrex May 7 #12
I wonder if he was discharged prematurely Orrex May 7 #13
His name is John Squirtman. Emile May 7 #14
If charges are filed, they'll need some hard evidence Orrex May 7 #15
Word is that his swing pulls to the right Orrex May 7 #16
I love that TMZ put a 'field office' in DC...makes me very happy. Volaris May 7 #17
Strange, because he usually peters out on the back nine Orrex May 7 #18
He reached for a seven iron but pulled his putter instead Orrex May 7 #19
Dang, you're quick on the draw... jmbar2 May 7 #32
It helps if I think about baseball Orrex May 7 #38
Quick... purr-rat beauty May 7 #20
Instead of using a wood on his stroke, he used a stroke on his wood. Efilroft Sul May 7 #27
Best one yet, you win Walleye May 7 #29
It takes a lot of spunk to come up with these things. Efilroft Sul May 7 #40
Is there no bar too low Traildogbob May 7 #33
I've heard he uses an alias when he checks in with the starter FHRRK1 May 7 #34
This is who sits at one of the highest security jobs in our country? It says a lot. yellow dahlia May 7 #35
For some reason this story reminds me of PCB66 May 7 #39

Abolishinist

(3,046 posts)
1. Well, he can't be accused of not having stamina!
Thu May 7, 2026, 01:45 AM
May 7

The guests then “saw the defendant masturbating next to their hotel room” and called security, who arrived to see him still in the act on the sixth floor, according to the station.

Polybius

(22,105 posts)
7. Ok, let's break this down
Thu May 7, 2026, 05:23 AM
May 7

What would cause a grown man with a very good government job to openly do this in front of guests? What was he thinking? Also, where exactly was this? Outside of his room? On the lobby? In his room with the door open?

Walleye

(45,363 posts)
28. Because he was sure Trump would pardon him afterwards
Thu May 7, 2026, 12:53 PM
May 7

So with these guys, it’s kind of like “why not?”

Polybius

(22,105 posts)
36. Nah, it's not that, because you don't see other SS do it, or even crazy appointees
Thu May 7, 2026, 01:50 PM
May 7

Otherwise, we'd be seeing it from Kash Patel and Kristi Noem on the White House lawn (imagine that?). He had to have seriously snapped. SS agents are given rigorous background checks. He's been a member for years too.

jmbar2

(8,156 posts)
31. You have already earned a place of honor on DU for jokes.
Thu May 7, 2026, 01:02 PM
May 7

Such words from the mouth of a babe...

Traildogbob

(13,154 posts)
33. Is there no bar too low
Thu May 7, 2026, 01:12 PM
May 7

For expressing your unwavering Love for the Fat Orange pig? How close to beastiality is this?
Evilgelical Conservative Christian values on full display.
He must have slippery sloped right to this abuse of animals from watching Gay porn. They have always claimed this will be the outcome if WOKENESS goes unchecked.
Doctor Jesus will forgive him as long as he hates radical libs.
Is this what Trump means when he say’s he will “release the seamen” in the strait Whore Moose 🫎?

FHRRK1

(113 posts)
34. I've heard he uses an alias when he checks in with the starter
Thu May 7, 2026, 01:17 PM
May 7

“Here for my 10 AM, name is Solo, Hands Solo”

yellow dahlia

(6,426 posts)
35. This is who sits at one of the highest security jobs in our country? It says a lot.
Thu May 7, 2026, 01:33 PM
May 7

My first thought was what this says about the lack of professionalism in this regime.

But that doesn't mean I don't appreciate the abundance of creative jokes this evokes.

PCB66

(179 posts)
39. For some reason this story reminds me of
Thu May 7, 2026, 06:48 PM
May 7

the Bill Murray's character in Caddy Shack where he is in the bushes masturbating while oggling over lady golfers.

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