I've been dreading having to write this post since yesterday.
I feel physically ill trying to get the words out. My heart hurts.
My brother, DU's Texas Towelie, passed away yesterday.
Decades ago my parents tasked me with looking after my younger brother. One sibling was 1500 miles away. Another was out of the country. And the other was too stressed all of the time to participate. He was my brother, and I wouldn't let them down. My younger brother was intelligent and bipolar. He was well-educated, but never had money, even with a good paying job. He had some problems with decision-making. He grew up with us in a horrible small town in south Texas with rattlesnakes, javelinas, cowboys, and bullies. I can't imagine how rough it was for him. He was more suited for a genteel life.
Paul (Towelie) had several chronic health problems for decades that finally caught up with him. I think he was dreading what could have come next. He passed away overnight on May 14. He was living with our brother in Texas who had PTSD from the Gulf War. Neither would be easy to live with, but I couldn't convince Towelie to leave Texas when he could like I did when I moved to Georgia.
Over the years I have sought out Paul's posts to keep an eye on him, trying to assess his emotional state after several suicide attempts. I also looked for his absence from DU as it might have meant he was hospitalized and our brother forgot to tell me. Over these decades I was married with a traveling husband, a severely autistic teen son, and a MIL with dementia. I couldn't do everything from 1000 miles away and people here depending on my help. I think he might have figured out "Ilsa" was his sis, but I hope he's forgiven me for not being upfront about it. If he was angry for me trying to look out for him, I can live with that. Paul and I have always been more alike in our interests and politics.
A few years before he joined DU, I invited him here, hoping he could make friends here and find purpose. I think he took his time and found you on his own. I'm so glad he made friends with so many of you. I know he appreciated every kind word you had for him, as do I. Please forgive me for my deception.
My heart aches for him, that he had so many physical and emotional problems over the years, and endured so much suffering.
I need to go mourn for my beloved brother. I've been doing a lot of that over the last 3½ years having lost my husband, my MIL afterwards, my dog, my son's caregiver after 2 years, and about 4 or 5 aunts and uncles. I'll try to answer questions if you have any.
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my condolences.
There's no need to apologize for your anonymity here. You did what you saw as the right thing for your brother.
My deepest condolences.
sister to watch after him. Be gentle with yourself and rest and morn.
I've always liked him and his posts. I so sorry for your loss. 
Thank you for letting us know.
I truly appreciated your brother's presence and contributions here at DU. He will be sorely missed.
I'm so sorry Ilsa, he was such a valued DUer
and family relations can be especially so. I know that from my own experience. But one thing stands out to me when I read your post. And it is this: you loved your brother and did your best to watch out for him. I sure he knew that. My sympathies for your loss.
My heart breaks for you. I will miss your brother. My condolences to your family.
I will definitely miss him
Mourn sis
Texas Towelie was (oh, that past tense hurts) a real fixture here--constantly scouring news and Youtube sites for important news and videos to keep us all up to date. I hate that I may not have fully given him his due for all that he did do on this site but I know his efforts were appreciated.
I admire the efforts you took to try to keep tabs on him, despite your overwhelming responsibilities. That would have been impressive for a team of people, but you, alone? Heavens, Ilsa. My hat and heart go out to you.
We will miss Texas Towelie a great deal. I hope it won't be too painful to remain with us despite his loss. We are your family too.
for Paul. Thank you for letting us know and sharing your private grief with us as well.
1. I love DU. Truly, the best people.
2. I'm a shut-in for the most part. DU gives me wings. 
I have not been here long but always appreciated his posts, research and updates. Very sad to hear of his passing.
Sending much love His posts and insights will be missed, feels like losing an indirect piece of your family.
Texas Towlie was a solid person and we’ll miss him.
So sorry to read this. Your brother was a real contributor here. I got smarter reading his posts. I will miss him.
On a higher plain......it must be devastating for you. I still have all my sibs in good health, but it's only a matter of time.
I remember Texas Towelie discussing his various health issues over the years. I always wished him well.
I'm glad that your brother found a forum where he could make friends.
My deepest condolences on the loss of your brother. My heart aches for you during your time of grief.
Please take care and be kind to yourself.
❤️
Your courage and kindness are to be treasured.
An awful loss for you and for us here on DU and the Texas forum.
RIP Paul
and to learn of how difficult the past few years have been for him and for you. It reminds me that we never really know what our fellow DUers may be struggling with at any given time. Paul was helpful and generous with his time here and was obviously well regarded and appreciated. I hope that you will find some comfort, respite, and better days ahead. You deserve the peace and joy that I pray will come your way after so much sadness.
Please be kind to yourself.
I am sooooooooooo sorry.
I am so sorry.
too. I shall miss him.
my eyes out. It's hard to see what I'm writing.
I'm going to miss him so much.
Mahalo, llsa, I'm so very sorry for your very precious loss 💔💙 ☮️ 🌻🕯️🕊️💜
There are lots of shoulders here if you need any to lean on.
It looks like he was posting right up to Wednesday. Regardless of the circumstances it's always heartbreaking to have a family member without family with them as they pass. I send my condolences to you Ilsa and to your other brother.
Peace be with you both.
I fondly remember him. So sad to hear of his passing.
I always enjoyed reading his posts. My condolences to you and the rest of your family.
Paul's passing is a loss to us, too, though not as deeply personal as it is to you. Feel free to share your feelings in the days and weeks ahead if you need to. A shared burden can lighten the load.
No need to apologize for anything. You looked after your brother with love and you followed your mother's wishes.
You've had a lot to handle in looking after loved ones and in losing them. Don't forget to look after yourself, too. And don't forget that we are here.
but it's comforting to know that he had a sister like you.
Your brother was a beloved member of this community. I will miss him.
Sorry for your loss…..
One of the first posters I followed. You were a good sister to him and thank you for letting us know.
And can relate to your issues with your brother. You really have had a tough time. Sending lots of love. 