Which prison would I be in right now if I executed 3,700 'insider' trades in 4 months and made off with billions?

[OGBuzz]

[TheProle]

1. Trick question!

You'd be a billionaire and therefore would go scot free.

[0rganism]

2. Apparently "none"

Just remember to kick in a big donation to the "ballroom" fund, and you're good to go

[Moostache]

3. The same one that Jordan Belfort ("The Wolf of Wall Street") went to...

If you are rich... you get country club prison camp and attenuated sentencing.

If you are poor, you'd be in a federal prison.

If you are black or any racial minority (rich or poor), you'd be dead, "shot while fleeing arrest" or "found dead in cell"

HOWEVER --- if you simply suck off the dear leader in public forums and storm the Capitol, you go free AND get paid...

[Irish_Dem]

4. What happens to most people for the crimes of rape, treason, stealing classified documents.

Theft, insider trading, blackmail, etc etc.

[modrepub]

5. That Depends

First question, are you a Democrat or a Republican?

Second question, what is your net worth?

Bonus question, has your salary been frozen at $174k for more than 5 years?

[DFW]

6. The one on the beach of the fanciest and most secure villa on Tahiti

Or maybe La Digue? Or Bora Bora? One of those well-known prisons where you face daily sexual harassment from the most beautiful (women/men, you get your preference) from your island or the surrounding ones. Imports from Europe and Asia available for a nominal supplement.

[Staph]

7. It wouldn't be Alderson Federal Reformatory.

That's where Martha Stewart ended up for doing a tiny fraction of what 47 did.

[ultralite001]

8. Can't help but recall the Martha Stewart debacle...

"Martha Stewart’s Insider Trading Scandal"...

In the early 2000s, America’s most famous homemaker became the center of headlines, speculations,
and eventually a federal investigation concerning her stock trading. Martha Stewart was accused
of insider trading after she sold four thousand ImClone shares one day before that firm’s stock price
plummeted. Although the charges of securities fraud were thrown out, Ms Stewart was found guilty
of four counts of obstruction of justice and lying to investigators. She was sentenced to five months
of prison, five months of house arrest, and two years of probation.

https://harbert.auburn.edu/binaries/documents/center-for-ethical-organizational-cultures/cases/martha-stewart.pdf

[BlueWaveNeverEnd]

9. None if you rain praise down upon trump and give him a slice