WH Hilarious Official Response To Petition To Build Death Star

[JaneyVee]

OFFICIAL WHITE HOUSE RESPONSE TO
Secure resources and funding, and begin construction of a Death Star by 2016.


The Administration shares your desire for job creation and a strong national defense, but a Death Star isn't on the horizon. Here are a few reasons:

The construction of the Death Star has been estimated to cost more than $850,000,000,000,000,000. We're working hard to reduce the deficit, not expand it.

The Administration does not support blowing up planets.

Why would we spend countless taxpayer dollars on a Death Star with a fundamental flaw that can be exploited by a one-man starship?

However, look carefully (here's how) and you'll notice something already floating in the sky -- that's no Moon, it's a Space Station! Yes, we already have a giant, football field-sized International Space Station in orbit around the Earth that's helping us learn how humans can live and thrive in space for long durations. The Space Station has six astronauts -- American, Russian, and Canadian -- living in it right now, conducting research, learning how to live and work in space over long periods of time, routinely welcoming visiting spacecraft and repairing onboard garbage mashers, etc. We've also got two robot science labs -- one wielding a laser -- roving around Mars, looking at whether life ever existed on the Red Planet.

Keep in mind, space is no longer just government-only. Private American companies, through NASA's Commercial Crew and Cargo Program Office (C3PO), are ferrying cargo -- and soon, crew -- to space for NASA, and are pursuing human missions to the Moon this decade.

Even though the United States doesn't have anything that can do the Kessel Run in less than 12 parsecs, we've got two spacecraft leaving the Solar System and we're building a probe that will fly to the exterior layers of the Sun. We are discovering hundreds of new planets in other star systems and building a much more powerful successor to the Hubble Space Telescope that will see back to the early days of the universe.

We don't have a Death Star, but we do have floating robot assistants on the Space Station, a President who knows his way around a light saber and advanced (marshmallow) cannon, and the Defense Advanced Research Projects Agency, which is supporting research on building Luke's arm, floating droids, and quadruped walkers.

We are living in the future! Enjoy it. Or better yet, help build it by pursuing a career in a science, technology, engineering or math-related field. The President has held the first-ever White House science fairs and Astronomy Night on the South Lawn because he knows these domains are critical to our country's future, and to ensuring the United States continues leading the world in doing big things.

If you do pursue a career in a science, technology, engineering or math-related field, the Force will be with us! Remember, the Death Star's power to destroy a planet, or even a whole star system, is insignificant next to the power of the Force.

Paul Shawcross is Chief of the Science and Space Branch at the White House Office of Management and Budget

See it HERE: https://petitions.whitehouse.gov/response/isnt-petition-response-youre-looking

[MrSlayer]

1. Brilliant.

Well played.

[Snotcicles]

52. Now thats how ya deal with crazy. nt

[WhoIsNumberNone]

2. Well at least they've got a sense of humor

[derby378]

3. LOVE IT!!!

[MynameisBlarney]

4. I find their lack of snark

disturbing.

[2naSalit]

8. Somehow I had a mental image

of Neil deGrasse Tyson chuckling while writing that.

[MynameisBlarney]

16. That man

is fucking awesome.

[Beartracks]

23. LOL As did I. n/t

[pangaia]

58. Me too...

Maybe he did. :&gt )

[2naSalit]

5. I'm almost willing to bet that

this was the funnest response any of the response team has had to write.

[silverweb]

6. Well done!

[nadinbrzezinski]

7. Somebody in the staff is a geek.

[BainsBane]

24. someone?

90% of them, minimum.

[msanthrope]

9. Ah...the Kessel Run. I never believed Han Solo made it in less than 12 parsecs. nt

[Beartracks]

25. Isn't parsec a measure of distance rather than time?

So maybe the Kessel Run was accomplished by charting a series of warp jumps around numerous celestial obstacles, and the distance was the total measure of non-warp mileage traveled?

Either that, or George Lucas wrote that line wrong...

=====================

[lastlib]

30. yup. But how many people caught it?

[mindwalker_i]

31. Don't

get technical with me.

[RoccoR5955]

33. I caught it

the first time I saw the movie.

[msanthrope]

48. Oh dear....your Trekkie self has been exposed! This is 'hyperdrive' not 'warp.'

I suspect that FTL travel would necessitate a unit of measurement that would recognize the merge of the two elements of time and distance--thus, the term 'parsec' could be shorthand for that term. Or Lucas could be wrong. It's happened.

Don't forget, Trekkie--we are in a 'pre-warp' society. We have no idea what's coming.

[Beartracks]

74. Guilty as charged!

==================

[eridani]

54. Don't think so--I'll bet it was deliberate satire of old-fashioned space opera n/t

[NewJeffCT]

55. There was an official explanation of it before

something about how the Kessel Run takes you near a black hole (or something like that) and you have to be particularly daring & skilled to take the 12 parsecs or less route, as it takes you dangerously close to said black hole/dangerous hazard. Most pilots avoid the hazard by taking a longer and slower route.

[BklnDem75]

60. It was a Maw...

A cluster of black holes... So I heard.

[NewJeffCT]

68. I knew somebody would correct me

thanks

[Beartracks]

73. Yeah, that's like what I had in mind. :)

I was actually unaware that that little detail had been "covered" somewhere along the line.

=================

[jeff47]

71. Yes, but the Kessel Run is traveling around a bunch of black holes

Faster ships can travel closer to the Maw (the black holes), thus the bragging rights are distance instead of time.

And yes, I'm waaaaaaay too much of a Star Wars geek.

[Bjornsdotter]

10. Love it!

[Nuclear Unicorn]

11. ...

[TheKentuckian]

12. Glad to see folks having genuine enjoyment of their work.

Especially when your work is spin, dealing with bullshit, kissing some ass, splainin', and trying to do it all without stirring up any hornet's nests.

Good fucking show.

[northoftheborder]

13. Paul Showcroft: great value to OMB. Knows his science and sci-fi culture & has sense of humor!

[northoftheborder]

14. This needs to go to front page.

[NutmegYankee]

15. +1

[spanone]

17. k&r...

[neverforget]

18. These aren't the answers we were looking for

[pam4water]

19. Don't let the NRA see it, or they'll all want one O:

[mopinko]

20. aw jeez- you cut off the best line! the title of the thing-

OFFICIAL WHITE HOUSE RESPONSE TO
Secure resources and funding, and begin construction of a Death Star by 2016.

This Isn't the Petition Response You're Looking For
By Paul Shawcross

[FailureToCommunicate]

21. "NASA's Commercial Crew and Cargo Program Office (C3PO)"

"How about we think about something a little smaller..."

[Spazito]

22. That is all kinds of hilarious!

I thoroughly enjoyed reading every word of it, it's brilliant too!

Thanks for posting this, it has made my night.

[freshwest]

26. I'm glad to see that Darth Cheney's dream didn't come true. Elections mean something!

[DanielW]

27. haha

brilliant.

[calimary]

43. Welcome to DU, DanielW!

Glad you're here! Regardless how many parsecs it took you to get here!

[NBachers]

28. Man, I give huge credit to Paul Shawcross and the White House for this

I enjoyed every word of it; this is the government I want.

Smart people- our greatest resource.

[arthritisR_US]

29. Absolutely brilliant! I could not recommend this

enough to do it justice

[RoccoR5955]

32. That's priceless, BUT

NASA still deserves more funding, so that we can do more in space.

[iandhr]

34. "The Administration does not support blowing up planets."

If he is not carful the Pres will be tagged as week on defense.


Lol

[ellisonz]

35. It's a good thing we didn't put all those government contractors in danger. n/t

[pasto76]

36. sign me up for a AT-AT right now!

for how long must I re-enlist to pilot on of those?

[abelenkpe]

37. K&R nt

[Coyotl]

38. "Death Star's power to destroy a planet ... is insignificant next to the power of the Force"

[amb123]

65. And watch the fundamentalists and tea partiers reply

THE OBAMA ADMINISTRATION IS PROMOTING PAGANISM AND DEVIL WORSHIP! AAUUGGGGHHHHH!

[Hekate]

39. Look -- up in the sky! It's a space station!

LOL - KnR

[lunatica]

69. It's Obama's ray machine brainwashing everyone into giving up their guns

[Heimer]

40. Yeah, that's pretty awesome. Eom

[calimary]

44. Welcome to DU, Heimer!

Good to have you with us! I loved this! We need more of this thinking - humorous, AND rawther intelligent!

[Heimer]

56. Thanks!

Appreciate the welcome.

[agentS]

41. I would have said we can't because it

Violates the Outer Space Treaty.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Outer_Space_Treaty
and the Antarctic Treaty
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Antarctic_Treaty_%28Gundam%29#Antarctic_Treaty

[davidpdx]

42. We don't support blowing up planets

Well how about the moon? Damn worthless thing just sits up there in the sky at night and looks like cheddar cheese.

Actually seriously what the do need is something smaller scale to disintegrate the space junk floating around. That could be unmanned though.

[msanthrope]

50. We've already had the great "moon bombing" debate on DU....

http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=389x6712126

[reACTIONary]

45. and we're building a probe that will fly to the exterior layers of the Sun....

Solar Probe Plus!

[LongTomH]

70. "Mankind has always dreamed of destroying the sun!"

[backwoodsbob]

46. absolutely fucking awesome

love it

[okaawhatever]

47. My fave: we don't have a deathstar but we do have a President who knows his way around a light saber

Classic. Didn't know about the Astronomy Night on the South Lawn. Cool. Guess my invite got lost in the mail. LOL

[shenmue]

49. Finally, someone who understands

Our priority should be the Martians who keep wrecking our robotic cameras.

[Shrike47]

51. I think I'm in love...

Mr. Shawcross is my kind of guy.

[tclambert]

53. Can't we just mint a platinum coin to pay for it all in one go?

[Turborama]

57. K&R & Thanks for sharing!

[pangaia]

59. Well, we COULD use an Alderson Drive.

[koskiea]

61. I love that this administration somehow manages to retain a sense of humor.

Err, I mean, OBUMMER'S WEAK ON DEFENSE RABBLE RABBLE!

[BlueJazz]

62. I'm all for this. The cost really wouldn't be that prohibited and it could save lives.

True...the cost would be 284,000,000.00 for every person in the United States but if we cut out all the fraud and food stamps and the lazy people on welfare, it shouldn't be that hard to pull off.

[backscatter712]

63. This gives me hope that our government is not subverted and controlled by the Sith.

Compare that to the Bush years with Darth Cheney... I'll bet he was trying to find a way to fund the Death Star - he probably would have had his buddies in Halliburton contracted to build it.

[allan01]

64. re:WH Hilarious Official Response To Petition To Build Death Star

does this come to mind?

dripping
bangs head against desk. and we have deficits ?

[A Little Weird]

66. Too funny!

We need more nerds in government!!

[Volaris]

67. That we do. Government is "By, Of and For We The People",

but it sure helps a great deal to have it RUN by the smartest motherfuckers we can find.

[muntrv]

72. Darth Cheney: "Obama doesn't believe in Earth exeptionalism!"

[Thor_MN]

75. Arghhh... Relative is posting on FB that this shows Obama is soft on jobs.

Conservatives have gone soft in the head.