No, Conservapedia is not satire

[HarveyDarkey]

[nadinbrzezinski]

1. My IQ just dropped by twenty...

[kiri]

59. gravity is a hoax

See:
http://www.thehumanist.org/humanist/schempp.html

[Katashi_itto]

68. If it's not satire...is it Satre?

Only the guy who isn't rowing has time to rock the boat. (Great description of Conservatives)

I hate victims who respect their executioners. (Teabaggers and their fawning of the 1%)

Hell is other people. (Obviously the Republican party)

[NutmegYankee]

2. If only they'd stand behind that

Hey, it's not a conversion of mass into a shit-ton of energy, it's a "liberal claptrap" remember?

Please stand right here


Oh, damn, that equation really does work...

[arely staircase]

7. the use of clap trap without quotqtions in a supposed encyclopedia

was my favorite part.

[paleotn]

17. Ha! That last sentence is exactly what I was thinking....

In fact, the speed of light squared is one hell of a big number, times just a little bit of mass. Ironic that conservo-nuts are such nuke lovers.

[NutmegYankee]

20. Science isn't their thing.

[WHEN CRABS ROAR]

3. What is the speed of thought?

[MattBaggins]

4. laden or unladen?

[nadinbrzezinski]

5. RLOL Geek Alert. ^^^^____^^^^

[arely staircase]

10. african or european?

eom

[A HERETIC I AM]

14. Held under the dorsal guiding feathers? n/t

[paleotn]

22. Mentat or average Joe?

“It is by will alone I set my mind in motion. It is by the
juice of sapho that thoughts acquire speed, the lips acquire
stains, the stains become a warning. It is by will alone I
set my mind in motion.”

[progressoid]

19. You win the internets today.

[ashling]

21. previously unladen or

Been laden?

[Lucky Luciano]

34. No. Bin Laden. nt

[Yavin4]

55. I would like to get laden. n/t

[Initech]

54. Where is the holy hand grenade?

[lumberjack_jeff]

77. You have to know these things when you're the king. nt

[tblue37]

86. Osama Unladen? nt

[RoccoR5955]

27. The speed of conservative thought

is slower than mass at Absolute Zero.
Yep, it goes BACKWARDS!

[Cerridwen]

6. If a conservative stops to think...

If a conservative stops to think then forgets to start again while walking alone through a forest when there is no sentient life around and s/he trips and falls over a tree; will s/he make a sound?

Some days, absurdity requires an absurd response.

[SnowCritter]

16. Whoa there, sport

"If a conservative stops to think"? When the hell do they ever do that!?

[Cerridwen]

25. "Some days, absurdity requires an absurd response."

I enjoy absurdity unless it is taught as science.

I also enjoy well done satire; with the same conditional as above.

When something I read causes me to feel so gobsmacked as the quote in the OP, I'm tempted to scream...or cry. Today I used the absurdity of a "conservative thinker" wrapped in a "philosophical question" combined and twisted inside out and upended in such as way as to present my version of the assertion in the OP as reflected in their fun-house mirror facing an infinity of fun-house mirrors.

Welcome to the Twilight Zone. Watch for the sign-post up ahead. Duck!

[OswegoAtheist]

79. Conservatives stop to think...

... the first time they watch Faux News?

Oswego "rimshot" Atheist

[Warpy]

8. There should be a corollary of Poe's Law just for conservatives.

There is no way to satirize them because they'll read the satire as truth and try to top it. And they always do.

[Wounded Bear]

73. Isn't that the secret.......

to Stephen Colbert's success?

[longship]

9. "numerous attempts to derive E=mc2 in general form from first principles have failed"

I learned to do that very thing in freshman physics.

God! The spawn of Phyllis Schlafly sure is dumb! Takes after Mommy.

Andrew Schlafly runs Conservapedia.

[arely staircase]

11. well maybe they mean their personal attempts

and didn't do as well in fresman physics.

[arely staircase]

12. now i take it andrew isn't the gay one?

or has he been cured?

[paleotn]

29. Ah, but you didn't ....

...take you're undergrad physics at Liberty University for the Astronomically stupid.

[caseymoz]

39. No, he's dumber.

Phyllis grew up in an era before the conservative propaganda machine was established. She had some reference to reality when she was educated.

Unfortunately, she's isolated her son from any such thing. Like all "children of Reagan," he's either corrupt, a liar, crazy or two more of the proceeding.

[Kalidurga]

13. I don't believe it.

That has to be satire. It looks like satire, sounds like satire, acts like satire in every way possible. So, how is it not satire?

[freshwest]

15. Please, please, let this be satire. I'm hoping so, too.

[Lady Freedom Returns]

28. Take a look and decided for yourself.

WARNING: You will loose 5 IQ points a minute while looking through this site!
http://www.conservapedia.com/Main_Page

[freshwest]

36. Please! Nooo! Make it go away! From the link:

"Bitterly cold temperatures" occur with record power usage in Saskatchewan, Canada. [1]

Liberals predicted the opposite, that more power usage would cause a crisis in global warming.

[Lady Freedom Returns]

41. And that is why I added the warning about the IQ points. n/t

[progressoid]

23. Edited: It is NOT satire.

Last edited Sat Feb 2, 2013, 11:24 PM - Edit history (1)

I stand corrected. See Cerridwen's post below.

[Cerridwen]

32. Try this link instead:

http://www.conservapedia.com/E%3Dmc%C2%B2

E=mc² is Einstein's famous formula which states that energy (E) of a body is equivalent to the square of the speed of light (c²) times the mass (m) of that body.[1] It is a statement that purports to relate all matter to energy. In fact, no theory has successfully unified the laws governing mass (i.e., gravity) with the laws governing light (i.e., electromagnetism), and numerous attempts to derive E=mc² in general from first principles have failed. Political pressure,[2] however, has since made it impossible for anyone pursuing an academic career in science to even question the validity of this nonsensical equation. Simply put, E=mc² is liberal claptrap.


----------------

[freshwest]

45. And further along it states...

Biblical Scientific Foreknowledge predicts that there is no unified theory of light and matter because they were created at different times, in different ways, as described in the Book of Genesis.

Are we effed or what?

[Cerridwen]

50. I was just getting ready to post that.

Though not from that link. There is a site on the web called: "FSTDT
An archive of the most hilarious, bizarre, ignorant, bigoted, and terrifying quotes from fundies all over the internet! The FSTDT archive is the largest collection of fundie quotes on the planet."

There's a discussion about this same idiocy and some of their replies were fall-down-laughing hysterical. I needed the laughs after reading the OP and further reading because of the OP.

I thought others might appreciate the humor interlude as well.

http://www.fstdt.com/QuoteComment.aspx?QID=87194

My favorite from the link about good old andy schlafly is; "The Zen Master of Poe strikes again!"

[lunasun]

61. oh that site is precious ! Thank You for the entertainment

[Cerridwen]

64. You're welcome. Sometimes laughter helps.

[DeschutesRiver]

75. Unless I read some of this crap, I wouldn't have believed it possible. I need eye bleach...

I need a mind reboot.

And there is an arrogance about this willful ignorance that is just stunning. No wonder this group of teabagger fundies are being left behind in the dustbin of American history.

[Cerridwen]

76. In addition to what they're doing to educational fields

of study and science and research, they're also ensuring they will not be employable in any reputable business. As that happens more and more, they'll claim "religious persecution" for their "beliefs". We're about to see a replay of the 17th(?) Century cries of "religious persecution".

[Lady Freedom Returns]

53. The entire site gets worse.

[Cerridwen]

65. I've been there before.

I didn't last 5 minutes last time but tonight by funny bone is pinging all over and I can laugh.

Tomorrow this crap may piss me off. Tonight I laugh.

[progressoid]

51. Oh for fuck's sake. I stand corrected.

[Cerridwen]

52. Sorry. I offer a link of another discussion as apology.

They, too, take a few pokes at the "The Zen Master of Poe". I found some of their remarks quite entertaining in an honest and fact based way.

http://www.fstdt.com/QuoteComment.aspx?QID=87194

[progressoid]

58. No need to apologize.

I knew it was too good to be true.

Some great comments at FSTDT!

[Lady Freedom Returns]

63. There should be one ...

From whoever created Conservapedia!


Now I know where those right wing-nuts get their dumb info! I have argued with many on other sites that brought this stuff up.

[Cerridwen]

66. It's andy schlafly's site. Remember phyllis? Yeah. That one.

andy's one of her kids.

[krispos42]

70. Whoa, that links to THIS:

Counterexamples to Relativity

The theory of relativity is a mathematical system that allows no exceptions. It is heavily promoted by liberals who like its encouragement of relativism and its tendency to mislead people in how they view the world.[note 1] Here is a list of 49 counterexamples: any one of them shows that the theory is incorrect.

<snip>

16. The action-at-a-distance by Jesus, described in John 4:46-54, Matthew 15:28, and Matthew 27:51.

<snip>

21. The change in mass over time of standard kilograms preserved under ideal conditions.

<snip>

37. In Genesis 1:6-8, we are told that one of God's first creations was a firmament in the heavens. This likely refers to the creation of the luminiferous aether.

Ow, my noggin!

[Cerridwen]

71. Hey, he's a Harvard grad.

How's your noggin now?

I'm laughing right now so I don't start throwing things.

[muriel_volestrangler]

82. And not only that, a check of the history shows that Aschlafly himself is putting in the worst stuff

He changed, for instance, "Physicists often explain how the equation is used in nuclear power generation, nuclear weapons, nuclear fusion, nuclear fission, and speculation about antimatter" (with a reference to a Univ. of Pittsburgh site) to "Claims can be found on liberal, second-tier college websites that the equation is used in...".

And when 'PhysicsPerson' tried to get some sanity back into the article, Aschlafly then changed it from:
"It is a statement that relates all matter to energy. It has been accepted by virtually all physicists for over 100 years. "
to:
"It is a statement that purports to relate all matter to energy. In fact, no theory has successfully unified the laws governing mass (i.e., gravity) with the laws governing light (i.e., electromagnetism), and numerous attempts to derive E=mc² in general from first principles have failed. Political pressure, however, has since made it impossible for anyone pursuing an academic career in science to even question the validity of this nonsensical equation. Though accepted by virtually all physicists for over 100 years, there are laymen who think that E=mc² is liberal claptrap. "

The history shows that it's the site owner putting in the crap; some contributors are trying to save him from his own stupidty; and he's having none of it. I was ready to say "of course, some people troll Conservapedia and put in ridiculous stuff just to make the whole farce look even worse, and it could be one of those", but it's Andrew Schlafly doing it. Proudly. And it's been like that for over 2 years: http://tpmmuckraker.talkingpointsmemo.com/2010/08/conservapedia_founder_takes_on_the_notorious_liber.php

[TrogL]

37. It is impossible to distinguish between authoritarian thinking and satire

If you read the entire site, they are dead serious. They wouldn't allow a satire page to stand.

This is consistent with authoritarian thinking. If it's too complicated for them to think through, it's false. They distrust science because it is not simple.

[krispos42]

72. We have Uncyclopedia for satire

http://uncyclopedia.wikia.com/wiki/E%3Dmc2

I just worry that Repubes will think it's real and start citing it...

[The Wizard]

18. Sounds like

The Colbert Report.

[gtar100]

24. If this gets them to stop fucking around with Wikipedia, then that's great

Let their perspective try to stand on its own two feet. We can't forcibly compel people to respect the truth or use critical thinking skills but we definitely need to keep them from polluting the efforts of those who are genuine in their pursuits for the truth (i. e., scientists, scholars, *real* joirnalists, and those of us with an open mind, etc.). Wikipedia potentially could be a reliable repository for accessible human knowledge but it will lose all hope of having an enduring positive reputation if conservatives keep messing around with it.

If conservapedia is to survive, it's going to need a lot of money from conservatives to keep it operational. Kinda like faux news. Fairy tales are fine for telling a story but it's a hard sell to pass them off as reality. Fortunately for them, faux news has a lot of people conditioned to believe just about anything.

[freshwest]

48. This will be the source book for the permanent underclass, ruled by priests.

Those who study science will circumvent these groups and rule the planet through a technocracy.

They will maintain a separation from them both socially and physically except when they need mineral and biological specimens and products.

Because there is no future for those who believe that. IMHO.

[RoccoR5955]

26. WHAT?!?!?!?!?!

They can't be serious, can they?

If they aren't it shouldn't be called Conservapedia, it should be called Idiotapedia.

[Lady Freedom Returns]

31. You have to see to believe.

It's bad.

Second though DON"T! Save your mind!!!!!!

[broadcaster75201]

30. Wow Seriously????

I knew these people were stupid but Holy Hell. That is just insane. Not only should they never own a gun, they should never be allowed to vote or procreate.

It is amazing to me that after 6 decades today's Conservatives have convinced me that not everyone sohuld have a say in government. Not everyone should have a voice. It is going to get us all kiled.

[freshwest]

49. I'm starting to think so, too. It's disheartening. Where to now?

[Cerridwen]

33. Direct link to that page.

http://www.conservapedia.com/E%3Dmc%C2%B2

E=mc² is Einstein's famous formula which states that energy (E) of a body is equivalent to the square of the speed of light (c²) times the mass (m) of that body.[1] It is a statement that purports to relate all matter to energy. In fact, no theory has successfully unified the laws governing mass (i.e., gravity) with the laws governing light (i.e., electromagnetism), and numerous attempts to derive E=mc² in general from first principles have failed. Political pressure,[2] however, has since made it impossible for anyone pursuing an academic career in science to even question the validity of this nonsensical equation. Simply put, E=mc² is liberal claptrap.

[pnwmom]

35. I just showed the actual article to an actual physicist

and he is not too happy now.

[krispos42]

38. If a tree falls in the woods...

...and it kills the author, did any brain cells die?

[AsahinaKimi]

40. I wonder ...

Do they still believe the earth is flat? If they had thought that, perhaps we could have avoided a few wars... thinking our troops, on the way to war, would fall off the edge.

[Lady Freedom Returns]

43. See post #28 for link to site. They have "Educational Index".

If you want to stretch the definition of "educational".

[krispos42]

67. They believe that the earth is hollow, and we live on the inside of the shell.

The sun is really tiny and very, very close and in the center of the earth. If you look juuuuuust past the edge of the sun, you'll see Asia.

[AsahinaKimi]

69. For the world is hollow ..and I have touched the sky...

[caseymoz]

42. I like their project to rewrite the Bible

Taking out all the liberal passages that have been corrupting conservative Word of God through the ages.

It's truly paranoid lunacy. They "just know" the Bible must agree with them. You talk about holier than God!

[Lady Freedom Returns]

57. You should read what they say about Atheism.

The further you read the more you want to .

[NYC Liberal]

44. Now check out RationalWiki's page on Relativity:

http://rationalwiki.org/wiki/Relativity

[lunasun]

46. When ever our family disagrees on a subject we always say "Lets look at what

Conservapedia has to say"
Then after we have a good laugh, we realize our opinions are not that far apart from each other!

it is always a good laugh imo

[NBachers]

47. The trouble is, they're taking us down the drain with them.

[Cerridwen]

56. And, I shit you not, a plot to promote abortion.

There is also an article that says that The Theory of Relativity is a liberal plot by liberals used to argue for abortion rights.

---

Some liberal politicians have extrapolated the theory of relativity to metaphorically justify their own political agendas. For example, Democratic President Barack Obama helped publish an article by liberal law professor Laurence Tribe to apply the relativistic concept of "curvature of space" to promote a broad legal right to abortion.[64] As of June 2008, over 170 law review articles have cited this liberal application of the theory of relativity to legal arguments.[65] Applications of the theory of relativity to change morality have also been common.[66] Moreover, there is an unmistakable effort to censor or ostracize criticism of relativity.[67]

http://www.conservapedia.com/Theory_of_relativity

---

[JHB]

60. Edward Teller is spinning in his grave.

Ironically, if he was hitched up to a turbine, it would make Conservapedia a source of clean energy.

[Egalitarian Thug]

62. If it doesn't, in fact, hurt to be this stupid,

it should.

[liberal_at_heart]

74. I have to wonder if the educated ones truly do know better but are lying to the uneducated ones

in order to get them to do what they want them to do.

[rppper]

78. And the hits keep coming...conservative music list...

Prepare to shake your head in amazement....so definite co-opting here....

http://www.conservapedia.com/Greatest_Conservative_Songs

[shenmue]

80. Do what now?

Ouch. I feel bad for teachers who read this and poke themselves in the eyes.

[idwiyo]

81. It's not a satire... WHY DID I LOOK AT THAT WEBSITE? WHY? I should have known better...

There is a link on the main page to "101 evidences of a young Earth"



Random page sample:

Professor values refer to the common value system embraced by a large percentage of professors, just as Hollywood values refers to the common value system of many in Hollywood and the entertainment industry. Professor values are currently one of the most prevalent forms of liberal indoctrination.
...
...Professors' common value system typically includes atheism, antichristian politics, censorship, socialism, unjustified claims of expertise and knowledge (for example, the dogmatic promotion of the theory of evolution[2]), liberal beliefs, liberal grading, liberal bias,[3] anti-patriotism, lack of productivity, bullying or discouraging conservative students (for example, homeschoolers),[4][5] and promotion of sexual immorality.[6][7] ...

Someone, please tell me that entire website is a joke, please...

[gtar100]

83. Even if it is not their intention, the content itself is making it a joke.

Our problem is that there are too many people who will believe it simply because they want it to be true. No critical thinking (they've been convinced that's a bad thing), no scientific analysis (another evil in their minds); it bashes liberals and that is all they need in order to be convinced it's true.

[idwiyo]

84. I think the worst part is that a large number of republicans don't believe any of this crap BUT

They are very happy to promote it because it keeps majority of their voting base ignorant and loyal.

[Warren DeMontague]

85. No fucking shit. How do they explain the sun? Or hydrogen bombs, for that matter?

[jeff47]

87. Jesus. (nt)

[Kablooie]

88. Were conservatives always this blindingly stupid?

It's impossible for me to understand how anyone with an iq over 80 can believe this crap is true.
I used to think that conservatives were mistaken but not that they were mentally deficient.
Stupidity seems to be the foremost qualification to being a conservative today.

[Jamaal510]

89. That site should be renamed "Regressivepedia".

There's nothing conservative about most of today's self-described "conservatives" at all. True conservatives want to CONSERVE things. But these jokers seem to want to go back to a time where there was no safety net, no Voting Rights Act, no Roe v. Wade, no Obamacare, and no Clean Air and Water Act, and they could care less about what happens to the environment.

[Victor_c3]

90. I never heard of conservapedia until just now

I'm a chemist and I work in a small lab with another guy who I would call a "rabid" liberal. He knows I'm joking with him when I say stuff like "the earth is only 6,000 years old", but it still gets him fired up.

This guy has a PhD, about 30 years old, and is insanely smart. He'll go nuts when I start to explain to him the conservapedia explanation for various scientific phenomena that we observe.

This site will be a wealth of entertainment for me and my coworkers!

[treestar]

91. If conservatives do not want a thing to be true

It isn't true, dammit!