I wish the economy would hurry up and reach those of us at the bottom.

[VenusRising]

I'm sitting here typing through tears. Maybe it's because I'm in a red state or I just have shit luck, but I've never felt more hopeless in my whole life. I'm trying to go on with my life and rebuild after losing my husband, Zodiak, 3 years ago, but it's getting harder by the day. I'm to the point where I just want to give up. I'm going to school full time after being a housewife for 11 years. I have a job at the school as a tutor, but it's just not paying enough to make ends meet. I'm behind in my bills, my rent is past due, and I just can't see a light at the end of the tunnel.

I've been looking for a second job, but I'm either not qualified or they won't work around my school schedule. Things were so much easier when Zodiak was alive. We never had these kinds of money problems. I'm down to about 3 packs of Ramen and only have $40 in my bank account which I have to use for gas to get to and from work. I can't keep my head above water. I wish things would get better.

I keep seeing stories about how the economy is turning around, but for me, it's as bad as it's ever been, and I don't know what I'm going to do. I feel like giving up.

Time to pull myself together and go to work. I just had to get this out so I don't fall apart at school. Thanks to DU for always being here to lighten my load.

[el_bryanto]

1. I hope it does soon too.

I mean I live in the capital of Florida, so our Governor is pretty well dedicated to keeping this town in a permanent recession, but I'd really like there to be more positive pressure on the economy here. People haven't gotten raises in more than a decade in some areas. and things aren't getting any cheaper.

All we can do is hope. I'm glad to have an ok job at any rate.

Bryant

[VenusRising]

2. I'm in Texas, so I understand your governor issue.

[LiberalLoner]

3. I'm so sorry. I hope so much things get better for you.

[VenusRising]

5. Thank you. Me, too.

It gets very disheartening after fighting so hard at what seems to be a losing battle.

[libtodeath]

4. So many of us in this situation or see it coming fast

meanwhile repukes want to cut more and oil companies have billions in profits.

((((HUGS)))

[VenusRising]

13. Yes.

I can't tell you how quickly I become disgusted with how much others are suffering while the ones at the top keep raking in billions of dollars on the back of the workers. It makes me want to move, but the economy is so quickly becoming global, I worry about it being the same everywhere. I don't want to jump from sinking ship to sinking ship.

[Duer 157099]

6. I hear you

Sometimes unexpected good things happen too. Not often, but they do. Maybe DU can help.

[VenusRising]

14. DU helps by listening.

I wouldn't have made it through the loss of my husband if it hadn't been for some wonderful DUers who I consider to be not only friends, but also my family.

[AndyA]

7. It takes courage to live today

It sounds like you've taken some positive steps with going to school. I wish I had some wonderful advice for you, but if it's out there I'm sure some DUer will post it.

The best I can do is let you know that I'll be thinking of you, hoping a new window opens for you soon, and sending good thoughts your way.

[VenusRising]

15. Thank you, AndyA.

I'll take all the good thoughts I can get right now.

[2pooped2pop]

8. I hope things get better for you soon.

If you are not on public assistance, get on it. It's for people just like you who are in transition and need a little support while you are putting yourself through school.

Things will get better. I did not see any mention of children. Think of those in your shoes but with kids to feed too. I know, if you keep on, you will make it.

I am especially sorry for the loss of your husband.

There is usually help for assistance with one electric bill. Call the electric company and find out. Go to your food bank to get a few groceries.

I blame all of what is happening to our country on our government. Mostly the insane republicans and corporate greed. It has come to a boiling point where either the super rich survive or the rest of us do.

I'm voting for the rest of us, and I hope you keep fighting until you have the job and the life you need and deserve.

[VenusRising]

17. The only thing the electric company will do is half my bill, but...

they break up the remaining amount over 6 months and add it to my other bills. Unfortunately, that's not much help.

I have no choice but to keep fighting. I'm doing all this for me, but I'm also doing this to make my husband proud of me. It's what keeps me motivated to keep going. Some days I want to curl up and die and let this whole mess called life go on without me. I'm fortunate to have a therapist who doesn't charge me to see her.

[marions ghost]

9. I wish

some of those fat cat Rethuglicons could trade places with a poor child, literally picking the crumbs off the plates of others. I saw this at a fast food restaurant recently. The boy was so scrawny. The others let him do it like feeding a dog table scraps. The rich will go to the performances of "A Christmas Carol" every year and NEVER get the connection.

[VenusRising]

18. Those heartless, greedy bastards wouldn't make it 20 minutes in the life of a poor child.

I wish I had the money to help kids like that where I am. I volunteer where I can, but it's been getting pushed to the back burner while I look for another job.

[smokey nj]

10. ......

[VenusRising]

19. ...

[Mnemosyne]

11. It's hard, for sure. Sorry you're in a rough spot.

[VenusRising]

20. Thanks.

I wish we could all feel secure. I know I took it for granted for a long time. No more.

[Mnemosyne]

28. I wish for that too. I'm 54 and have maybe 4 or 5 years where I wasn't worried all the time.

I love life, but hate money, or at least how it controls us.

Hang in there, Venus!

[VenusRising]

30. I join you in the hatred of money.

It seems like those who don't need it have an abundance, and those who do can't scrape two pennies.

You hang in there, too.

[Mnemosyne]

31. My ex-family, were/are obsessed by money. Everyone is judged based on how much they have or what

they own. It was sickening growing up with that. I guess my hatred of money has kept me from having very much of it most of my life.

I always manage, one way or another. I've been lucky the last couple years through receiving an inheritance from my mother, but only have maybe another year before it's gone and will be back to square one.

[VenusRising]

49. Sounds like we came from the same family.

If they weren't judging because of too little wealth, they were gossiping behind everyone else's back.

[Mnemosyne]

52. I do not miss it one bit. I can no longer allow someone to abuse me because they 'love' me.

Been there, done that, don't want the stinking T-shirt.

[progressoid]

12. I know the feeling.

And it doesn't help when our neo-liberals have embraced tickle down.

[VenusRising]

21. No, it doesn't.

Sorry you know the feeling, too. It stinks.

[Le Taz Hot]

16. . . .

Always know you are not alone.

[VenusRising]

22. Thanks, LTH.

I couldn't hold it in anymore, and I knew I could vent here safely.

[99Forever]

23. Living on the edge of desperation has..

... become the new normal for millions of us. They spin the numbers to pretend it's getting "better," but for of us at the bottom end of the food chain, I don't realistically believe we stand a chance. The people who could actually do something to help, won't. I don't expect to live till Summer.

[VenusRising]

24. The desperation does become all-consuming.

I've been there for almost the better part of a year, and I feel like I'm drowning. I'm getting tired of treading water and often feel like giving up. I understand how you feel. Hang in there.

[Puzzledtraveller]

84. Many times all I could do was take stock in what was going right

it helps for a little bit but when you look out at the horizon and begin to see no relief in sight you begin to sink back into it. I have a steady job, I live alone and live within my means and most months I have to borrow or use payday loans to get groceries. I can't imagine what it would be like if I had a family needing me. That is where I do some good, I'm a SNAP and Mediciad worker so I can help others and also know that there are people really suffering right now.

[hay rick]

25. Hope things improve for you.

Being poor sucks. Cold comfort- you are not alone in waiting for the economy to turn around. How the economy has changed since 1979: http://www.epi.org/publication/ib347-earnings-top-one-percent-rebound-strongly/

Between 1979 and 2011, income groups have seen the following changes in their share of all wage income (taken from Table2):

percentile............1979.........2011
99.9+..................1.6%........4.7%
99.0-99.9.............5.7%........8.4%
90-99.................22.8%......25.7%
0-90...................69.8%......61.2%

[VenusRising]

29. Thank you.

It's day-to-day right now for a lot of us.

[Democracyinkind]

26. I really hope things will turn around for you too.

I wish there was something I could say that would make it better for you.

Just know that it is happening, in baby steps. Tomorrow could be your day and all of DU is hoping that it will be. Thank you for sharing.

[VenusRising]

27. Thank you, Democracyinkind.

I hope that it gets better for everyone. I'm tired of everyone struggling so hard to make it in "the greatest country in the world".

[madrchsod]

32. no shit...

[JNelson6563]

33. I'm where you're at.

Though not a widow like you. My deepest sympathies!

I am divorced, was always putting family before career and whatever so here I am. Trying to help my youngest through school, working full time at a grueling job and not enough to pay the bills or buy groceries.

Keep going my friend. It is what we all must do and it will get better. Somehow, some way, it will get better but only if you keep going.

Hugs and encouragement,
Julie

[VenusRising]

40. Thank you.

I don't know how I'm going to keep going, but I'm trying.

You hang in there, too.

[bigwillq]

34. Hoping for the best for you

and everyone else that is struggling. Times are still so bad for so many people.

[VenusRising]

41. Thank you.

I'm hoping the best for all of us, too.

[33Greeper]

35. I don't know you, but I love you.

I'm channelling all my positive thoughts for you. I am certain you will get through this.

[VenusRising]

42. Thanks for the love.

Sometimes, it's the only thing that gets me through.

[CrispyQ]

36. Trickle Down Economics & Compassionate Conservatism.

Twelve years of bullshit & too many Americans lapped it up like it was cream. I know 'democrats' who voted for Reagan twice & bush43. And today, many of them are what I call 'social dems.' They are cool with social issues, like choice, gay rights, civil rights, but economically, they hate the poor as much as the repubs do & they will do anything to keep their place on the ladder, even if it means kicking the guy, one rung below, in the teeth.

I'm am so sorry for your loss. I cannot imagine . . .

[VenusRising]

43. You are absolutely right.

I have never voted for a Republican and absolutely never will. There is no compassion to it at all.

Thank you for your sympathies. Losing my husband was the worst thing that ever happened to me. I don't know if I'll even be completely whole again, but I'm trying.

[Starry Messenger]

37. ((hugs))

I had a bad year which required a new transmission on my getting to work vehicle. I hear you.

[VenusRising]

44. I understand.

My in-laws fixed my car as a Christmas present. I was at least lucky there.

[Starry Messenger]

50. I remember Zodiac, you are in my thoughts VenusRising.

[VenusRising]

51. Thank you for remembering him.

And for thinking of me. It is greatly appreciated.

[historylovr]

38. *hugs*

I hope things turn around for you soon.

[VenusRising]

45. Thank you.

[hamsterjill]

39. You are a strong woman, I can tell.

I know that's not much comfort to you right now - in the middle of all of this. I'm truly sorry that things are bad for you.

As many of the up-posts lament - many people are in dire straits. I find myself constantly thinking about where and how to stretch another penny a little bit further.

I simply wanted to say to you that I think you are doing a great thing - by picking yourself up and going to school. I sincerely hope that will be a turn around for you and life will get better at some point. Again, I know that doesn't help much for now.

I hope things get better for all of us who are in this mess that they call America.

[VenusRising]

47. Thank you, hamsterjill.

I don't know if I'm strong, because I certainly don't feel like it. I feel beat down and hopeless most of the time.

I hope it gets better for us all, too. The inequity of it all is disappointing and disheartening.

[Bucky]

46. Hey, the heroic job creators are trickling down at us as fast as they can!

[VenusRising]

48. That trickle is nothing more than a busted pipe.

They would weld it up if they could figure out how.

[Egalitarian Thug]

53. I'm so sorry to read this. It doesn't help, but you're not alone and there are enough

of us that they will not be able to keep ignoring us forever.

Hang in there.

[VenusRising]

54. The fact that I'm not alone almost makes it worse.

It's not like I'm careless with money, and I'm sure a lot of others aren't either.

I don't feel ignored, I feel nonexistent.

[Egalitarian Thug]

55. You do and you matter. Just stay strong, please.

It's the hardest thing you will likely ever have to do, but it's important.

[Demo_Chris]

56. I am in basically the same place, so I feel for you

My only source for food now is the food bank. They have a rule where you can only get some food 17 times in your lifetime. We had to use them a few years back, so things are not looking all that great.

And yes, I have an internet account. Yes, I am aware that to many here this is proof that I am not REALLY poor, that any problems I have are my own creation, and that I am a lazy loser leaching off society. I will address these points individually.

POOR: Yes, I am. Yes, the twenty bucks or so my internet costs me is arguably waste, but I need it to try and get back on my feet. My business, now basically on death's door unless I can borrow some money to get it back going again, is the only chance I have. But the internet is also my entertainment. Yes, entertaininment. Diversion. Which leads me to point two.

MY PROBLEMS / MY CREATION: I am, without a doubt, an absolute failure at life. Unlike some other poor people who have done everything right and still ended up on the bottom, I cannot claim this. I have made so many mistakes I could not begin to count them. I've had opportunities and wrecked them, and always in hindsight the mistakes were obvious, and yet I am fully capable of making them yet again. Because that's the kind of fuck up I am. Some people, for example, wouldn't dream of going out to Applebees or wherever until they had stocked away a couple grand in the bank, but not me -- even when it's bitten me in the ass before. That's me, being a fuck up.

I don't drink or do drugs, but I roll my own cigarettes. Another waste of money that I cannot afford. Another proof that I am a failure. If my life were a book that would be the title. The internet as well I suppose. The hundred bucks I have spent over this winter wouldn't be that huge of a difference now, but it would damn sure help. I try not to think about my life because when I do I question why I am even wasting my time. I feel like I do not deserve to be happy.

Me, the LAZY MOOCH: This is no doubt correct. When I have a job I work bloody hard. I try to be the best, and I mean that sincerely. No boss has ever had cause for complaint about how hard I try or how successful at this I am. I have never once been fired from a job. Been laid off though. Had lots of bad luck that I didn't properly prepare for. My fault, always.

But as the years have gone on the struggle has worn me down. Poverty does not INSPIRE, it suffocates. Poverty doesn't make you want to get up, it commands you lie down. That's the difference between being broke and being poor. Broke is temporary, you know if you can just get through this one thing, just hang on a little while, things will get better. Poverty is when you know they wont get better, that for you there probably is no better, that every crisis will just lead straight into the next. If you don't know, this is the reason why you see poor people, who cannot possibly afford to waste the money, buying that candybar or that meal at IHOP instead of carefully saving that cash for the next crisis.

They have reached that place where they believe, where they KNOW, that no matter what they do that crisis is coming. It's always coming, and that candybar or that beer or that cigarette won't stop or delay it's arrival. Like the white wall of a tsunami on the horizon, it's coming, so fuck it have a Snickers. For those in poverty that next tsunami wave is ALWAYS visible if you look, and life is a desperate struggle swimming from one bity of flotsam to the next and hanging on. That's really what it's like, and if you are there you know it.

But yeah, that makes someone like me lazy in the traditional sense. I could clean something right now. I do have some work I could do, maybe it would even help somehow. Instead, I am writting this garbage that no one will likely read and that no one should care about. But there it is. The next wave is almost here now and I am tired of swimming.

I created my business at what turned out to be the start of the great recession. I did not know how bad it would get. I have worked very hard, unbelievably hard, and every year we have offered more and better service, but every year our earnings have been just a little worse than the last. Most of the country has run out of money to spend. And it's not like I have a whole lot of options but to keep going. I have no real skills and no one is hiring anyway.

It's a seasonal business (and to many it's probably a stupid one), but my family (I work with my wide and daughter) has somehow managed to keep it afloat and paying our bills for the last five years. Probably because we try our best to deliver the BEST to our customers. But now, like I said, we are out of money and options. We had hopef to make it through another rough winter and start again, but we failed. Now that it looks like the economy might FINALLY begin making a comeback it looks like all of our work for the last five years will be wasted.

I'll stop there. Everyone reading this (assuming anyone is) has their own sad story to tell. I'm a few grand shy of getting going again. Everyone is a few grand shy of something. Anyway, if you actually read this whole rambling and pointless rant, thanks for reading! I apologize if it was long and you wasted your time, but I was writing it for me I guess.

[VenusRising]

60. I read it, and I can hear your pain and frustration.

Everyone tells me to keep pushing, but I feel I'm pushing against Kilimanjaro. It's something I'll never move, and I'm waiting to be crushed by falling rocks. Life can be absolutely soul crushing, especially when you give it everything you've got and everything turns to shit.

I really hope and wish for the best for you, your family, and business.

[Demo_Chris]

65. You as well my friend. -nt-

[OneGrassRoot]

67. ...

[Demo_Chris]

74. Thanks :)

[LiberalEsto]

57. Please try WISHADOO

http://www.wishadoo.org/

It was started by DUer OneGrassRoot.
The may be able to help you through this tough time.

Good luck!

[VenusRising]

61. Thank you, LiberalEsto.

I will look into it.

[Skittles]

63. if you join, please post back here Venus

we will help

[RainDog]

58. Hugs to you

I haven't seen you here for a while, but I remember when you lost your husband.

Life is hard for women who have put their families to the fore and then try to fend for themselves. That's just fact.

I wish I could help you. I have many of the same problems but for different reasons connected to my former married life.

Don't give up!

[VenusRising]

62. Hi, RainDog!

It has been quite an eye opening experience being a widow. I didn't think that people would jump at the chance to help, but I never thought it would be this hard. I'm just going to stay in school and keep looking for another job.

[Flying Squirrel]

59. To paraphrase CaliforniaPeggy... My Dear VenusRising!

I agree with whoever suggested Wishadoo, and perhaps you could edit your OP to include the information we'll need to donate there for you. I can't give much but I would like to help anyway - don't let pride stand in your way, you'll be doing us all a service by allowing us to make a difference.

[VenusRising]

64. Thank you, Flying Squirrel.

I think there is special permission needed by Admins to post that info from what I recall of other efforts to help DUers. I appreciate your thoughtfulness and generosity of spirit.

[OneGrassRoot]

66. Hi, VenusRising...

First, sending to you.

If you decide to create a Wishlist post, I will create an OP here and include your information (including a PayPal link if you have an account?) as you've probably seen me do before (see my journal if not).

Let me know if you have any trouble.

More

[VenusRising]

68. Thank you so much.

I am browsing around Wishadoo! now. What a wonderful and uplifting thing you have done. You should be very proud!

[OneGrassRoot]

69. I read above...

where you said you feel nonexistent...beyond feeling all alone.

I've felt that way too many times in life myself and it breaks my heart to know so many feel isolated...almost hopeless. That's why I created Wishadoo, with the "craigslist of compassion" tool.

It gives me hope.

If nothing else, hopefully by sharing your struggle, you see that you're not alone and that many people care. It is very difficult merely existing these days. I do hear you. Many of us hear you.

[VenusRising]

70. That's one of the many reasons I love DU.

So many people here do care and offer moral support. This place got me through the death of my husband. I may not have posted much, but just reading how much people here care made the difference between trying to make my life better and giving up on life altogether. There are so many people here who have gone through worse than I have, and they are still here kicking and screaming all the way to the end. I am so inspired by them and their stories. Anyway, you done good.

[Tuesday Afternoon]

71. ! so sorry to read that things are really hard for you right now.

I remember you and Zodiak.

[VenusRising]

72. Tuesday Afternoon!

Thank you for remembering me and my wonderful husband.

I think of you often.

[Tuesday Afternoon]

73. if there is anything, I can do, an ear, if nothing else --

please shoot me a PM ... and take the advice above about Wishadoo.

Hang in there VenusRising, it has got to get better

[OneGrassRoot]

75. To DUers following this thread...

I'm going to do a Wishadoo/DUer OP tomorrow (see my journal if you don't know what I'm talking about) for VenusRising and a couple of other DUers.

No matter what I try for a subject line, it's harder and harder for the threads to get attention.

I thought I'd ask in advance if you have suggestions on an attention-grabbing subject line without the use of anger and profanity?

[auntAgonist]

77. Thanks so much for doing that!!!

aA
kesha

[Puzzledtraveller]

76. It sucks, I know

I have $17 in my bank and I'm public employee, I don't spend beyond my means either. I know I have more gray hair from these past few years. Those that have it worse I see in my office daily because I'm a SNAP and Medicaid worker so I feel for your struggle.

[OneGrassRoot]

78. Please see this OP to support VenusRising:

Please help keep it kicked and rec'd.

http://www.democraticunderground.com/10022328448

[pinboy3niner]

83. Done

Keep up the good work, OGR!

[hfojvt]

79. I hate how people always mention Ramen

you can get more food mileage out of rice, or just plain pasta, or even spuds and Ramen is very high in both sodium and saturated fat.

don't mean to jump on you, but ramen is so ubiquitous in discussions of poverty when a 5 pound bag of rice is a better value and better for you.

was your husband zodiak ironfist, or some other zodiak? Hard for me to believe that has only been 3 years. I thought he was a really cool guy.

Hang in there, and I will check out this wishadoo thing.

[VenusRising]

81. Yes, my husband was Zodiak Ironfist.

To be fair, I didn't buy the Ramen. It was given to me. I would prefer rice or dry beans. You take what you can when you're desperate.

[noiretextatique]

80. sending you strength

nearly lost my sanity and my apartment after being unemployed for two years.
hang in there. i am in the process of moving right now, but as soon as i get stable, i will send you something on wishadoo.

[VenusRising]

82. Good luck in your move.

I know that can be expensive.

Thanks for the hug. That is always appreciated.

[FunkyZero]

85. Please contact me

I've never posted here, I only read... so the board software won't let me email you. I'd like to assist but I don't like doing such things publicly.
Please send me a private message if you are interested and have a paypal account.

[AndyA]

87. How are you doing, VenusRising?

It's been a couple of days since this thread was updated, so I thought I'd check in and say hello and see how you are.

I'm still sending good thoughts your way, and hoping that you'll find an open window soon that will reveal something new and wonderful for you.

I know it's very difficult, especially after the loss of your husband. Something in your post has stuck with me since I read it, perhaps I see some of my own thoughts and feelings in your words.

Let us know how you're doing when you get the chance.

[VenusRising]

89. Hi, Andy!

Thanks for checking in on me. I'm still a bit stressed, but I'm coming along. I've applied for a couple of jobs since the OP, and I'm just waiting to hear back. School is keeping me busy, so that's a bit of a help. I am actually taking a little break from working on a paper that is due tonight by 10pm. Talk about cutting it close!

Thank you for your continued good thoughts. You have no idea how much it means that people are thinking of me and routing me on. I'm sure the grey skies are bound to break eventually. I wish it would just hurry up.

to you.

[SOVermonter]

88. Venus...

This is a really tough situation. And it isn't easy going to school when the bills keep piling up. This is only my second post on DU, but I had to add my few words to the support which I hope is helping you. Feeling such extreme stress is so difficult, so exhausting, and I hope better days are ahead for you. When it comes to the economy, I think the media focus pretty exclusively on Wall Street, so they get --and present-- a very distorted picture. Please don't give up. Wishing the best for you...

[VenusRising]

90. Thank you so much, SOVermonter.

It's always nice to have support and words of encouragement.

Welcome to DU!

[fizzgig]

91. ...