My Butt Is A Job Creator

My butt is responsible fora huge number of jobs in this country. There's a vibrant industry dedicated to paper products aimed squarely at it, or rather an unending stream of squares, where fierce competition drives innovation to ever greater heights. Or depths. Fortunes are made or lost in the battle for my butt, from Scott to the Koch Brothers (always feel a little odd about having them in by butt), always trying to gain the edge in terms of softness, lack of "pills," cushioning (embedded air), companies plying their trade for access to, my butt.

Then there are all the adjacent industries. It starts with logging for the raw materials - wood. Truckers to move logs, fuel to power the trucks, processing, chemicals, big hardware for rollers, more trucks to transport it. More fuel. Grocery stores, convenience stores for when it's 2AM and your butt needs some serious attention. Shelves in the stores.



You do not want my bunghole to become angry!

Now, let's look at the back end. Miles of pipes bring water into toilets, then many more miles take the, erm, product to plants where it's processed, degunked, more chemicals but also filters. Creating better systems to filter the waste before releasing it back "into the wild" is an industry with all the innovation of any other industry. Back end development!

Then there's the marketing, part of the aforementioned competition. So much work is dedicated to making my butt feel more cared after - I hesitate to say pampered in this case - that it's an industry all by itself, all aimed at capturing the market share of my butt.Many industries are indirectly related, such as billboards, TV, radio, web ads. And of course, any time there's a butt involved, baby pictures will be drawn in as if to a black hole, or a brown one, necessitating photographers, processing, airbrushing, and a dozen other fields to prepare the perfect images.

And it all comes down to my butt.

Now, look at the rich person. He or she also has a butt which supports all the same, wide range, or industries. So their butts are just as important as mine, but really, do their butts really need a tax break?