Tea Party Issues Scathing Rebuttal to State of Union Twelve Hours Before Speech

WASHINGTON (The Borowitz Report)—In a break with tradition, Tea Party Republicans issued their official rebuttal to tonight’s State of the Union address a full twelve hours before President Obama was scheduled to deliver it.

Sen. Rand Paul (R-Kentucky) appeared on Fox News Channel at 9 A.M. (E.T.) to read the rebuttal, which some historians called the most brutal response ever to a Presidential speech that had not yet been made.

Calling Mr. Obama’s speech “full of the same empty promises and bald-faced lies we’ve come to expect,” Sen. Paul added that “tonight Barack Obama made his case: for his own impeachment.”

Laced with sarcasm and invective, Sen. Paul’s rebuttal eviscerated Mr. Obama’s not-yet-given speech, ending with a call for the President to be tried for treason and banished from the U.S.

Roger Ailes, President of Fox News Channel, defended the decision to air a blistering attack on a speech that Mr. Obama was not scheduled to give for another twelve hours: “Our viewers are very unlikely to sit through Barack Obama’s State of the Union address. Airing the rebuttal beforehand gives them a sense of what they would have thought was reprehensible about it.”

For his part, Sen. Paul made no apologies for calling a speech he had never actually heard “worthy of President Ahmadinejad.” “Look, if I had waited to listen to the speech, I bet I would have hated it even more.”


Read more: http://www.newyorker.com/online/blogs/borowitzreport/2013/02/tea-party-issues-scathing-rebuttal-to-state-of-union-twelve-hours-before-speech.html#ixzz2KhUmBCTt