A huge man started banging on my door....

[Honeycombe8]

This happened years ago.

I lived in an apt. that faced a semi-busy street. Apts. on both sides of the street. My complex had a grassy area between the apts. & the street.

One sunny day I was standing outside my apartment looking at or for something - I forget what, now, but maybe it was for a stray cat I'd seen. I was standing there just a few minutes, when a car passing on the street came to a fairly sudden stop. The stop was out of my eyesight, but I could hear it stopping, if you know what I mean.

Like a rabbit, my stranger danger radar kicked in, and I turned around to walk back into my apt. In my peripheral vision I could see his huge man (no exaggeration) walk from around the corner, quickly walking toward me and my apt. I scurried into my apartment, quickly closed the door, and turned the lock just as the stranger's hand hit my door knob. Not joking. It was that close.

At that point the man, in broad daylight, started banging loudly on my door and yelling at me. I couldn't understand what he was saying. I backed up and just looked at the door. There was no back exit to my apartment.

After yelling and banging for a bit, he vanished.

So.....go ahead. I know what you want to ask me. I would hope you wouldn't ask that, but I know some want to.

I know what you want to ask because the police asked me, when I reported the incident, and a male coworker asked me, when I told him.

Can you guess what they asked? (What this has to do with politics is...this is how some people view rape and other assaults on women.)

[DollarBillHines]

1. So, what DID you do to incite him?

Really, what did you do?

Show a little leg?

Maybe a flirty, come-hither glance?

Come on, 'fess up.

[Honeycombe8]

12. LOL! My come-hither glance gets 'em every time.

Wish it would've worked on my cheatin' ex-husband!

But you've got it...they wanted to know what I was wearing.

[DollarBillHines]

15. That's the way it works

Do you suppose they thought that you might have changed clothes between the time you called and when they got there?

Fishnet under lame' hot pants makes me do crazy things.

But come-hither simply melts me.

[Honeycombe8]

26. Anyone who would meet me would know...

I've got that wholesome look. Not much makeup, natural hair, conservative (but hopefully stylish!) clothes, speak well...you know. Except that day my clothes weren't so stylish...oversized faded red GAP t-shirt that came down to mid-thighs, with properly fitting jeans, teamed with very lovely slightly dingy huge-soled white gym shoes. I'm sure I was fetching in that outfit.

[BlueJazz]

2. Hello?....Miss, did you order a pizza ??

[JaneyVee]

3. What was he yelling? (not my guess, asking this as a question)

[Honeycombe8]

8. It sounds unbelievable, since he was so close....

and the doors of those apartments weren't exactly thick, but I really couldn't make out what he was saying. He was so loud and talking so fast. I just knew he was really pissed. I assumed he was pissed because I made it into the apt & locked it before he could get to it.

[SayWut]

4. You should have offered him a cigar.

[Iggo]

5. "Did you call the cops" is what I wanted to ask you.

[Honeycombe8]

9. Yes, I did. Right away. nt

[Iggo]

21. And to tell you the truth...

...it really never occurred to me to ask you what you did to bring it on. That's an idiot question from where I stand.

[XRubicon]

35. So the cops thought you may have changed clothes since calling them?

They asked what you were wearing?

[LeftInTX]

6. They asked what you were wearing?

40 years ago, this was not uncommon.

Sounds very scary.

[Honeycombe8]

10. Bingo. This was about 20 yrs ago. I told them I was just wearing my silver hot pants

and tube top with red heels and fishnets..you know, the usual. (sarcasm for that last sentence!)

For the record, I was wearing properly fitting jeans, thick soled white gym shoes, a baggy oversized faded red t-shirt that reached down to my mid-thighs. I can say that I didn't have to beat the men off with that outfit, when I wore it to the grocery store. My hair was as usual...straight and longish. Just the sort of thing you'd expect a hippie check to wear. I was about 30 yrs old then.

[JI7]

14. just what i thought of

[Honeycombe8]

31. Yes, it was very scary. It came out of the blue, for no reason...

a total stranger. A pretty day, minding my own business. This guy got really pissed that I had managed to get inside & lock the door. And he felt totally safe banging away on my door in broad daylight like that...apparently for good reason, since there was no repurcussion. The apt nearest me was vacant, I think.

I just stood there and looked at the door, wondering what he was yelling...I couldn't make out the words. Just that he was really mad. I was just hoping he didn't get through the door. It made no sense.

I guess that's how it happens...a real assault. Out of the blue, for no reason, making no sense, extreme violence.

[Ian David]

7. He wanted to know if you'd found Jesus? n/t

[Honeycombe8]

18. It crossed my mind that I might be meeting Jesus, if that man broke down my door!nt

[Ghost in the Machine]

34. I'm so terribly sorry! I certainly didn't mean to scare you, and I NEVER would have harmed you!!

Someone had slipped me some 'shroom tea that day, and I didn't even realize I was tripping. It's just that when I drove past, the way the sun reflected off your hair, and you seemed to have such a beautiful glow around you, I thought I was seeing a real live Angel that had come down from the heavens.

I just *had* to stop and see if you were really an Angel! I was yelling "Please let me see you one more time if you're really an Angel!" After you didn't answer for a while,I figured either you really *were* one, and it was against some kind of "Angel Law, or code",to allow mere humans to see you, or I was just hallucinating, and finally gave up in despair.

Please accept my humble, heartfelt apologies

Peace, Love & Light,

Ghost

[Honeycombe8]

36. You are forgiven, Ghost. Happens to me all the time!

I should be used to it by now, what with my beauty and the glow thing and all.

[surrealAmerican]

11. Could you identify him if you saw him again?

That and, "had you ever seen him before?", are what I would have asked.

[Honeycombe8]

16. That would've been a good question for them to ask, but no, that's not what they

asked. They wanted to know what I was wearing.

[Poll_Blind]

13. Am I the only one who's clueless as to what everyone asked you?

PB

[Honeycombe8]

17. And just what were you wearing, Miss, to cause that man to behave that way?

That's not how they said it. It was more straightforward, "what were you wearing?" But that's the meaning of the question.

My male coworker asked me the same thing. And he KNEW how conservatively I dressed.

[NutmegYankee]

19. Sadly probably not.

It's almost certain they asked her what she was wearing. As that's a common question despite it having nothing to do with rape.

Just an old legacy of "blame the woman" that society hasn't gotten rid of.

[hfojvt]

20. I have no idea what to ask.

Maybe what race he was, because that is usually one way to limit the suspect pool.

[Honeycombe8]

24. I don't think they asked that.

There was no suspect pool. It wasn't serious enough to warrant a pool or investigation...beyond making sure I wasn't out there enticing men to stop and get in trouble.

[hfojvt]

33. that just makes no sense to me

Even if you were wearing a miniskirt or hot pants and a halter top, that is still very strange behavior he exhibited. I mean, in that case, if he had whistled at you, or tried to pick you up or flirt, but to chase after somebody and pound on their door because they are dressed sexy? No, that is just lunacy. Dangerous and strange lunacy. It would make sense if he had mistaken you for his wife or an ex girlfriend or something, then it might make some semblance of sense.

I had an old friend who told a story about how he thought he saw his ex-wife in a grocery store and so he walked up to her and grabbed her butt - and it wasn't his ex-wife. Maybe he said "guess who" too. Then had to apologize and slink off after the woman turned around. It happens.

[madamesilverspurs]

22. No brainer.

"What were you wearing?"

In my case, I was clearly still wearing the clothes that convinced my assailant to jump me from behind. My boots, wool slacks and Navy pea coat were filthy from that roll on the ground, and my sweater was torn in places with a few spatters of blood from having four teeth broken. When I told the officers that I hadn't even known the guy was there until he grabbed me, their remark was "Well, you must have done something to entice him!" They weren't terribly interested in looking for him.

Amazingly, they showed up at the college a week later and pulled me out of class to ask if he'd seemed the type to wear a cashmere sweater. And that was the end of the "investigation". It was 1967.

[Honeycombe8]

23. Yep. That's exactly it.

In my case, it wasn't serious enough for an investigation, beyond making sure I wasn't out there enticing men to behave in unacceptable ways.

But I get that it wasn't an investigation type of incident...in a city, there are so many serious crimes that something like this, where someone isn't hurt, well...they don't have the staff to handle it.

[MadrasT]

25. I knew right away it had to be, "What were you wearing?"

I am glad you were unharmed. That sounds really scary.

[ms liberty]

27. They asked what you were wearing, of course..

Any woman should know the answer to that question! Am I right?

[Honeycombe8]

28. Yes. nt

[gollygee]

29. Yup

What were you wearing. Because, depending on what you were wearing, it might make sense that he would do that and be perfectly OK, and your fault. /sarcasm

[krispos42]

30. I would have guess they asked if you knew him.

Or maybe if you had yelled something like "I have a gun!" through the door or something.

But seeing the replies, I'm left scratching my head. They really asked you if you led him on somehow?

[Jenoch]

32. If I were one of the cops

I certainly would have asked you what you were wearing. I would have asked what the man was wearing to get a better description of him. I would have asked a lot of questions such as when did it happen, did you know the guy, if not, had you seen him before? Do you know why he came after you? Do you have any friends or acquaintences who might know this guy? Are you involved in any illegal activities? Are your friends involved in anything illegal?

You did not really provide many details of what happened to you, but from the scant details you did provide, these types of stranger intereactions are incredibly rare. Usually, the perp and the 'victim' know each other. I'm glad you were not injured. Self-awareness is the best strategy for self-protection.