Have you ever had to come out as a Democrat to someone who you were developing a close friendship?

[Nikia]

I am kind of ashamed to admit this, but I don't know if my best work friend knows that I am a Democrat. I am reasonably certain that she is Republican as she is antiunion, an NRA fan, and her husband is friends with a nationally know right wing entertainer.
I had signs up at election time but we work in a different town and she lives in a different town and hasn't been to my house yet.I have worked there a year and stayed out of the few political discussions in an effort to fit in and stay on good terms with everyone.
I know that some people would say that I shouldn't be friends with someone like this, but I won't stop being friends with her short of a serious betrayal with no remorse.
I'll bring it up soon, but it just seems kind of odd.

[monmouth3]

1. You sound fearful of her so I wouldn't let her know, it's none of her business...n/t

[Nikia]

8. It's not that I am afraid. Close friendships are important to me.

Aside from my husband, this is the person who I see on a regular basis who I have the closest friendship with. As we have been opening up our lives more and more to each other, this should come up even if we agree to not talk about politics.

[Squinch]

16. You value her enough to tolerate what you assume are her political leanings. If she doesn't value

you enough to do the same, you will have learned something important about her.

I say tell her.

[erinlough]

2. Everyone who meets me knows I'm a democrat.

Not by me bringing it up, but by my reactions to things they bring up. Being a democrat, for me, isn't a choice, it is how I think, what I believe. I have never been able to hide it, and come to think about it I have never tried. Friendship has never been that important to me though, so you'll have to go with your own heart.

[socialist_n_TN]

19. You answered your own question erin......

Being leftish or a Democrat because of the way you are means EXACTLY that it isn't a choice. Now you can choose whether to talk politics or not, but it WILL come up. At that point you will face the choice of arguing her bullshit RW positions and being true to what you are or not saying anything and PROBABLY disliking yourself for your reticence. You wouldn't be true to yourself if you allowed her to spout bullshit without countering it.

I lost a job because of my politics, even though I didn't bring it up. My boss did and badgered me until I argued his ignorant and bullshit fundamentalist positions with him. I was let go just a few, uncomfortable weeks later. Politics is not a game anymore. There are a LOT (most?) of REAL people who are affected in a VERY negative way by politics today. I would speak up. You never know what politically naïve person might be listening and be influenced by your arguments.

[Phentex]

30. This is how I feel...

In certain groups, I may not actively discuss politics but I also don't try to hide who I am.

[treestar]

3. Maybe she knows the same way you know

Discussing politics is not part of the friendship. People agree to disagree on that and just not discuss it. That's where the old saw about politics and religion causing fractures comes up.

People who say you should not be friends with someone like this are wrong. They are promoting division. No one is going to do anything but harden their views by cutting themselves off from others.

[Nikia]

7. I think that this is a possibility

It wouldn't surprise me at all actually.

[socialist_n_TN]

20. Agree to a point..........

It depends on whether the RWer will accept this type of friendship. I certainly wouldn't necessarily cut people off because of their political views, but I won't let ignorance go unchallenged either. So if a RW buddy wanted to spout his/her bullshit around me, I WOULD answer it. How they want to take my responses would go a long way towards showing me whether the friendship would last and how deep it would be.

[HappyMe]

4. Meh, I wouldn't bother telling her.

[baldguy]

5. We don't talk politics at work anymore.

The Republicans kept losing.

[lunatica]

10. They hate it when someone keeps bringing up facts

We don't talk politics at work either, for the same reason. They can't back up their fatuous talking points.

[Dyedinthewoolliberal]

24. I know what you mean

I find just asking a few questions is enough to derail any real conversation.......

[brucefan]

6. To each his own

but ,this person would become quickly unattractive to me,and not in the physical sense.

[lunatica]

9. She may be reasonably certain that you're a Democrat if you've been honest

But really, unless she's a raging teabagger what difference does it make?

[murielm99]

11. Why should you have to be afraid and apologetic

about being a Democrat? This type of friend is not worth it.

[socialist_n_TN]

17. Most of my family and friends know that I'm a commie.....

and ALL of them know I'm VERY left. So I agree with you murielm. If your politics are a big part of what you ARE as a person, you shouldn't be ashamed of it. And if they can't accept your politics, then they are not really a friend.

My wife actually lost family over her leftish (she's not even radical, just liberal on most issues) political views, specifically her views on choice. And she didn't miss them.

[LWolf]

12. My friendships and relationships have never

been about politics. I am a Lone Wolf politically. I am persistent and tenacious when it comes to issues. I'm a registered Democrat, but I'm not a partisan. I don't support individual politicians because of the "D" next to their name. I support Democrats and the Party when I think their doing a good job working on issues. When they don't, I don't.

With friends, or family, I don't pretend to be something I'm not. I also don't spend my time with them going on political rants, or debating with them, or trying to change their minds. I'm old school that way; I was raised to leave politics and religion off of the list of appropriate social conversations. If a Republican family member goes on a rant, or tries to turn the conversation to politics, I will generally do one of these things: listen quietly, then change the subject without responding; leave the room with a polite excuse (restroom, drink, etc.), or, as a last resort, say, "You know that we don't agree politically; let's move on."

If a friend says something completely out in right field, I will, if I determine that they are open enough to hear me, gently and respectfully point out the problems with that position. I end with a segue into a different topic; a clear message to move on, leaving them with something to think about without having to be on the defensive.

Generally, though, politics just don't come up. While I can be friends with people from all walks, those who thrive on discussing what Glen Beck or Rush or Jerry Falwell had to say aren't going to be people I want to spend time with.

[Zen Democrat]

13. What's the problem?

[Tippy]

14. I'm A Democrat and PROUD of it...

[Cleita]

15. Yes, I live in a nest of conservatives whom I must interact with

each day. Since I got fed up with the Fox News and Rush Limbaugh talking points I was hearing from them every day, I felt I had to speak up. In order to do that I had to out myself as a liberal, not necessarily a Democrat although I also admit I'm a registered Democrat, but really a liberal at heart. It's very liberating for me because now I can baffle them with logic and facts. Sure, I don't immediately convince those who hold favorite misconceptions, half truths and lies dear to their heart, but I do shut them up cause they can't really win with me. I do try to be as courteous as I can be in these exchanges. I'm not trying to make enemies but just have some peace of mind.

[Ruby the Liberal]

18. I joke about it.

Working with a lot of far right conservatives (fiscal, not teaparty), when we disagree on something, I pull the "well, you know me, the old lefty liberal" card as a preface to why I disagree.

[Starry Messenger]

21. I live in CA.

In the Bay Area, lots of people think the Democrats are too far to the right and will chew you out for not being Green or otherwise. I guess that's a different problem.

[Nikia]

22. Update: I told her

She says that she isn't really partisan, respects people's personal beliefs, is open to a variety of ideas, and my party membership is not a problem at all.

[Raine]

28. That's good! As long as people respect each other's differences there

should be no reason you can't be friends with someone who has different political beliefs. My cousin who was also a best friend and like a sister to me was a republican. We just agreed to disagree and didn't bring up politics unless it was in a light hearted way. My cousin died two years ago this May from cancer. I still miss her and am so glad politics never came between us.

[Dyedinthewoolliberal]

23. I almost always

and not intentionally, tip my hand way before then. Not exactly like "Hi I'm John and I'm a die hard dyedinthewoolliberal" but close!

[JI7]

25. it doesn't take long for people to know i am liberal , i'm not sure i would be able to get close to

someone without them knowing where i stand.

as for yourself i would say it depends on what you feel comfortable with. if you are ok not being open about your views in order to stay on good terms with her then i guess that would be ok . i personally couldn't do it but people are different.

[RedCappedBandit]

26. It is painfully obvious to everyone that knows me that I am a liberal

Never had this issue, tbh.

[Marrah_G]

27. I live in MA, it's never really been an issue

I can imagine that it has to be tough, especially in the workplace for people living in really conservative areas.

[graham4anything]

29. Funny you mentioned this..., two examples here...

The other day at my wellness program health club, this person I had been talking to for months, all of a sudden started talking about President Obama's health care plan,
and started going off the right wing end of soundbytes.
A few seconds in, I said, wait a second, I guess somehow you don't realize, but I love President Obama. And the health plan.

Not going to hide my views (and I thought most people there knew my views being that all through the campaign I proudly wore my Obama sweat shirt and wore my buttons on my sweats. Everyone else had a good chuckle who heard that conversation.

Second example-all through the 90s had somewhat"friends" who were conservative from Mass. and every summer spent 2 weeks with them as our kids all knew each other(never saw them other times of the years, just those 2 weeks, they were at the same place/same time as we were). For years.
Til W won in 2000 everything was fine, as I let them blather on against Clinton and calmly disagreed with them.
Then W won and the tables reversed, and they said NO politics.
Haven't spoken to them since summer 2004. They gave, but couldn't take it.

To remain silent is to condone what the person is saying.
And if work is forcing that, it sounds like the person is bullying you in a covert way, and isn't that illegal?
If you don't let her know, she will keep going, and you will be keeping it all inside, and doing that will make you feel sick and you don't need to do that.
(Maybe a gentle "Thank God McCain and Mitt and all the other bozos in the other party aren't president at this time in America's history, might give her the idea.)

You might also find there are other secret fans who have been holding it inside not to make waves.

[Egalitariat]

31. People who put politics in front of friends and family have fucked up value systems...

Tell her who you are and don't worry about it.

[arely staircase]

32. i have actually dated fundie christian women

I let them know where I stood straight up. in one case it led to a 3-year relationship with religion never being an issue - of course it helped that she was among the 20 percent of fundies who are democrats.

[tabbycat31]

33. At this point in my life all of my close friends I know from political events

I've worked on Democratic campaigns for the last 4 years and that's where I meet most new people is at various Democratic events. However, I was not always political (I woke up in 2004). At that time, I had a friend who's dad was a complete Fox News parrot and very controlling of everyone around him politically. When they moved, he flipped a lid when he found out my friend registered as an independent instead of Republican. (when he first met me, the first two questions he asked me were politics and religion--- hardly appropriate for the first time you meet your daughter's friend). She ended up turning on me and was forever calling me too liberal.

Now in the day and age of Facebook, a lot of old friends have regained touch with me and I'm ashamed at what my best friend from college has become (we have not seen each other since and our relationship is now just facebook friends). I lost touch wtih her as soon as she started dating her then boyfriend (now husband) and he told me that she was not allowed to talk to me. I'm surprised they don't have one of those creepy joint facebook accounts, but the stuff she posts (and he's the only one who comments) are RW propoganda. I've sat on my fingers.