Best definition of Homophobia!

[Are_grits_groceries]

@lizzwinstead:
Homophobia: The fear gay men will treat you the way you treat women.
Via Danielle Kichler #FB

Ha!

[Soylent Brice]

1. K&R

[Scruffy Rumbler]

2. I often wonder how straight men would react

if women began treating and responding to unwanted straight men advances the same way straight men respond to gay men showing interest. How would straight men feel leaving a bar and finding the woman he hit on earlier out there waiting for him with several of her girlfriends, waiting to jump him for daring to think she might be interested in him.

What if "rape panic" killings and beatings of men by women occurred with the same frequency as "gay panic" killings and beatings of gay men by supposed straight men do?

[ieoeja]

4. I've never understood why so many straight men react that way.

I've been hit on by gay men plenty of times. I found it flattering.

Actually, their fear of being hit upon is a reason I often give them for letting gays out of the closet**. As stated, I've been hit on plenty of times, but only in Indiana. After moving to Chicago I have only been hit on once by a newly arrived guy from closeted Wisconsin.

Without the closet gay men would never hit on straight men. Without the closet they would assume someone openly straight really was straight instead of possibly hiding their true feelings.

In a sense angry straight men are in their own closet.


**I hated writing "letting" gays out of the closet. But I got tired of trying to figure a better way of phrasing it.

[Orrex]

5. My high school had one known gay student, and he took a lot of crap about it

He was tremendously intelligent but also kind of a jerk, no doubt in part because of the constant abuse he suffered. He was a year ahead of me, and we were pretty good friends until he graduated. Not sure what became of him after that.

One day, in a discussion during lunch, I found that several of my friends hated him simply because he was gay. I countered that this shouldn't bother them as long has he wasn't hitting on them, etc. Naturally this led to accusations that I was also gay, but whatever.

Regardless, I realized some time later that my response was just about as stupid and wrong as my friends' reaction. That is, why should it be a problem even if he were to hit on me? Why not find it flattering?

Eventually it became clear to me that the "problem" in that case was mine and not his, but that was as far as my then-nascent progressive brain could reach.

I regret that I probably caused him some pain through inadvertant thoughtlessness, but I don't believe that I ever hurt him intentionally. On the bright side, my friendship with him, shaky though it was, started the process that later enabled me to open my eyes to the sheer stupidity of homophobia.

[Scruffy Rumbler]

10. Thanks for the reply!

Being in or out of the closet will not stop us (gay men) from hitting on straight men. First of all, there is no way to tell if someone is straight just by looking at them. Wedding rings don't mean anything, the way they talk doesn't indicate anything, the way they dress doesn't indicate anything. At gatherings I attend for a subset of gay men, our social etiquette is as follows; if someone expresses an intimate feeling for you and you do not feel the same, find a way to say no in such a manner that does not insult, offend or hurt the person expressing their feelings to you.

To me, being in the closet is a response we gay folk took on as a form of self preservation. Don't let anyone know you're gay because; you'll loose your job, your family, your home, maybe your life. A life of lies and deciet as defence.

[Fumesucker]

6. Straight men who don't make advances toward women seldom get laid

One of the reasons I'm alone now and probably will be for the rest of my life.

Men are expected in this culture to be the ones to make advances to women and I'm not comfortable with doing that because I know the great majority of the time they are unwanted.

[lapislzi]

8. Er, not always.

While by and large what you say is true, there are exceptions to this. I know, because I'm one. I have never been shy about expressing interest in a man. I see no reason to be coy about it.

Strangely enough, my approach scares the bejeebus out of many men. Those would be the losers. The ones who appreciate my honesty are the keepers.

Keep at it, Fumesucker. There are more like me out there.

[Scruffy Rumbler]

12. I hear ya! It works that way for us, too!

We had it hard in the pre 60/70's. Needed little clues like pinky rings and knowing the right places to hang out in hopes of meeting someone. Then taking the big risk of exposing your interest in another of the same gender.

It really is a balancing act as to how approach someone you are interested in and not be taken as too pushy or too forward. If only we could be certain to be treated with respect when approaching anyone... as long as we approach them with respect, life sure would be sweeter.

[Purplehazed]

3. I've heard many antigay conversations...

over the course of 30+ years working in heavy industry.

To me, these conversations breakdown into 2 general categories. The first is when "fag", "gay" or "homo" refers, in an insulting way, to someone might be called a sissy and somehow less than a manly man.

The second and most frequent are conversations where the undertone is a sex act between men. Sometimes the particular act is obvious and other times it is innuendo. But, the underlying message, is that the exact same sexual acts that these men find acceptable if performed by their wives, girlfriends,or dates are abhorrent, disgusting etc if performed by a male.

This has framed my long held belief that homophobia among men is basically how men react to being treated in the exact same manner that they treat women.

[The2ndWheel]

7. And homophobic women?

[Scruffy Rumbler]

11. Jealous!

We got the fashion sense and designer gene!

And so many of us tend to take greater care in our personal grooming then their homophobic boyfriends....just broadbrushing everyone with that one!

[Skittles]

14. I WILL KICK FASHIONABLE SCRUFFY ASS

er.........wait.........that doesn't sound right

[Scruffy Rumbler]

16. OMG!!!!

My first ass kicking for Skittles!
Thank you for taking it in the light hearted, joking manner in which I meant it!

[Skittles]

17. aw you're FABULOUS my sweet!

[Renew Deal]

9. A bit simplistic

But I'm sure that's part of it.

[smirkymonkey]

13. Love it! +10,000

[Behind the Aegis]

15. Sexism is certainly part of the equation, but not all of it.

Much of the homophobia I have encountered has been religious in origin. The definition is a bit sexist and anti-male, lumping gay men in with straight men in a negative way, that somewhat invalidates our being victimized by homophobia, as if we are "asking for it." I understand the principle behind the notion, though.