Breaking: Jody Arias Fires Attorney!

[yoyossarian]

(AP) In a surprise move today, Jody Arias fired her attorney; his body was found burned beyond recognition in the ladies bathroom just off the courtroom where her trial has been going on for the last several months... except for his face, which Arias claims she did NOT remove with a pen knife, then tie it onto the back of her head and try to walk out of custody backwards. "She has NO IDEA how the face got attached to her head," says her new attorney, Jenny Bendon, who Arias chose "for her virgin blood," whatever that means. "She doesn't remember anything after her old attorney publicly said that he didn't like her--but that doesn't prove anything, except that she didn't do it," says Ms Bendon, who is indeed a member of the political activist group Purity First, which encourages young people of America to "find new and innovative approaches to suicide so that they may go to their graves just as they came into the world: blind, ignorant and virginal."
Some speculate that Arias herself attempted suicide in the first few weeks of her trial, but lost consciousness after beating her own head in with a purloined judge's gavel... but this theory was disproved when a suicide note was found in her own hand, written in her own hand, which read simply "I didn't do this suicide. It was someone else."

[Xipe Totec]

1. Yea, right. Link? nt

[DJ13]

2. Not funny

[yoyossarian]

5. Ha! That's a GOOD one!

YOU are HILARIOUS. Not me. YOU.

[dogknob]

3. The latest key-jingle-witch-burn.

Deserves your particular brand of yoyo.

[HappyMe]

4. !!!

Now, now. You know someone will take this seriously.

[longship]

6. WTF?

I had to Google this to find out if it was legit.

BTW, it's Jodi Arias (not Jody).

[liberalhistorian]

46. You've gotta be kidding me. You couldn't

tell within the first few lines alone that it was satire? You're seriously that gullible? Wow.

[longship]

48. I knew it was satire...

Just had to check that it was about a real person.

My WTF was about the how far the satire went, although not meant to be necessarily critical, more in amazement.

[cali]

7. pathetic. truly pathetic. Not clever. Not saying anything remotely

meaningful.

Just lame, ugly and craptastic, hon.

[dogknob]

10. One of my favorite things about Yoyo...

...is when the anti-absurdist faction arrives in their Solemn Sunday best to condescendingly use words like "hon."

"How many Calis does it take to screw in a light bulb?"

"That's not funny!"

[liberalhistorian]

47. HA!

I SO love it when DU scolds like the you-know-who you're referring to are taken down. I always feel like putting on a Puritan Pilgrim outfit whenever they're around. NO sense of humor or satire at all.

[yoyossarian]

11. Your opinion has been duly noted.

And it has been a transformative experience.
I have failed to amuse you. Miserably. I feel terrible, just terrible.
From here on in, I will change my ways. Really.
I will give up writing humor and begin studying accounting immediately.
No, REALLY. Would I joke about a thing like that?

[Bake]

24. Actually, I kind of liked it!

The whole Silence of the Lambs reference and all ...



Bake

[dogknob]

17. Relative?

[yoyossarian]

27. BWA-HA-HAAAAWW! That is a GREAT clip!

So succinct, and it says it ALL!
I'm literally laughing my ass off. Literally. (!)
(rofl)

[Tx4obama]

8. You really should edit your post and take out the (AP)

It is not proper to cite a news organization when it is not true.

[yoyossarian]

22. And just where in Roberts Rules of Just Kiddin' Around does it say that?

You figured it out. Others will, too.
I know, it's a very harsh and funny universe...
But actually, when you think about it, attempting to correct me on the Proper Uses of Humor in Social Situations will do nothing to change that.

OBJECT TO HUMOR.
STOP THE JOKING. STOP THE LAUGHTER.
IT'S A NEW AMERICAN TRADITION.

[dogknob]

28. As long as the entire US media is controlled by a handful of white men...

...I will misquote them, misrepresent them, parody them, and make fun of them until they finally succeed in their quest to make the Internet just like TeeVee... which they will largely accomplish while nobody's looking because they're watching "The Missing White Girl Hour" (see graphic in this thread).

Until then, it's on.

[liberalhistorian]

49. Oh, for God's sake!

Can't people around here just loosen up and learn to enjoy a bit of humor and satire without donning the damned Pilgrim clothes? Good Gravy.

Anyone with more than two brain cells can tell within the first few lines that it's a fucking SATIRE. If they can't, then they've got more serious problems than complaining about a JOKE thread.

[jberryhill]

9. Hasn't she been sentenced to life on trial

I can't believe how long this no-brainer has gone on.

[Sissyk]

13. Closing arguments are today.

Defense up but they just took the lunch break.

[HappyMe]

15. It should go to the jury soon.

If it hasn't already.

Lifetime is already making a movie about this one.

[jberryhill]

18. If they take more than five minutes, they are wasting their time

[Bake]

25. I'm guessing the jury won't take too long ...

They'll be home in time for dinner.

Bake

[HappyMe]

26. I hope so.

Seems like it would be a no-brainer to me.

[Mosby]

29. I don't follow stuff like this.

Do you think she is guilty or innocent?

Wasn't she abused for a long time?

[HappyMe]

31. She wasn't abused..

She has changed her story so many times, and lied her ass off. I think she's guilty.

[Bake]

42. BINGO!

Bake

[liberalhistorian]

50. NO, she was NOT at all abused,

and the fact that she's claiming that, while changing her story every hour and presenting NO evidence at all of abuse, is infuriating as it insults true abuse victims and makes it that much harder for them to get justice. She stalked and harassed him for a long time because he broke up with her and she wouldn't accept that. She is a liar, a sociopath, a murderous bitch who's trying to use being a woman to get off the hook.

[Mosby]

57. thanks for the info

I should probably read up on this case a little.

[jberryhill]

51. Yeah...

She was abused so badly that she had to drive several hours to his house in order to shoot and stab him 31 times, then claim she wasn't there, then claim she saw two guys break in and do it.

[NCTraveler]

12. I had to google who she is.

Guess I live under a rock. You really shouldn't credit this to the AP.

[yoyossarian]

32. You really shouldn't live under a rock.

I should never have made this picture. Someone might accidentally try to go see this movie.



Plus, it's NOT FUNNY!

[NCTraveler]

37. When you are right, you are right.

I shouldn't live under a rock, and it's not funny.

[yoyossarian]

41. No, I see I was wrong now...

Maybe you SHOULD live under a rock.

[dixiegrrrrl]

40. I came out from under my rock and found this timeline of the crime.

Had not heard of the trial either....

My favorite part of the time line:
June 19, 2008 - Police question Arias about Alexander's murder.

VIDEO: Jodi Arias sings and laughs in interrogation room
VIDEO: Jodi Arias stands on her head in interrogation room

http://www.cbsnews.com/8301-504083_162-57582580-504083/jodi-arias-a-timeline-of-a-sensational-murder-case/

[brooklynite]

14. I'm sure this would be a real knee-slapper...

...if I had the remotest idea what you were referring to.

[dogknob]

16. You're better off n/t

[jberryhill]

19. Check in with the flaring nostrils of Justice...

[HappyMe]

20. Gawd!

I can't stand that woman.

[dogknob]

21. Bwahahaha!

Bee-U-tyful!

[yoyossarian]

23. Angry Layered Haircut! BWAHAHA!

Exxxxxcellent!

(flaring nostrils of justice)... giggle!!!

[Dash87]

44. I wonder how many hearts she's eaten?

[Myrina]

30. WTF is this even about?

Context, anyone?

[yoyossarian]

34. Well, Data, it's a little thing we humans call humor...

Look into it.

[Myrina]

35. You don't need to be an asshole, I'm just asking a question.

Jumping Jesus on A Pogo Stick ...

[yoyossarian]

38. AGAIN: I'm not being an asshole.

I'm just "joking."
Jeeez, what crawled up your--



Oh, nevermind.

[HappyMe]

39. Just google her name.

There's a ton of info available about this case.

[Beaverhausen]

33. I am happily completely ignorant of any and all facts about this person and what she is accused of

happily.

[yoyossarian]

36. I'll drink to that!

[Dash87]

43. Nancy Grace's head just exploded from your post. Brick fragments (or, in her case, brain matter)

were found at the scene.

[BainsBane]

45. Geez, I thought this trial would have been over and done with

by now. Honestly.

[duffyduff]

52. You know, this case is tragic in all of its aspects

and the only way to truly understand it is to actually watch the live stream, NOT the bullshit coverage by HLN and other tabloid media.

She will probably get manslaughter, but I hope she is acquitted.

Your attempt at humor is sick and disgusting.

[Floyd_Gondolli]

53. Why do you hope she is acquitted?

[yoyossarian]

54. Your attempt at compassion is HILARIOUS!

You find blathering bloodsoaked blonde oh-so worthy of the benefit of the doubt, yet you have no problem with hanging me for crimes against humanity and humor?
Give me a fuckin' break. SERIOUSLY.

[Sissyk]

58. wow!

You are the very first I have heard say that.

[B2G]

60. You hope she is acquitted??

Based on WHAT?

[GoCubsGo]

56. Who the hell is Jody Arias?

And, why the hell should I give a shit what lawyers he/she has hired or fired?

[Boomerproud]

59. Don't worry-as has been said upthread-ignorance is bliss.

n/t