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Related: Editorials & Other Articles, Issue Forums, Alliance Forums, Region ForumsWhat Makes A Parent's Bond With Their Child So Incredibly Strong?
As I am not a parent, I guess I cannot understand how people can be so incredibly devoted and supportive of their loved ones, even when those same offspring are guilty of heinous and horrendous crimes.
How the mother of Jodi Arias can stand by her and ignore ALL evidence that her daughter is pure unadulterated evil. Perhaps it is an attempt to disbelieve that the person you raised all those years, turned into such a piece of trash. But I don't think so, it is just pure love of your child, even when it is obvious to everyone else with a brain, that there is something wrong with them, and they deserve to be punished severely.
And what of the mothers of children whose fathers were evil? How can Amanda Berry go through life loving the girl who was the product of a likely torturous rape? How can she tell the girl, the only reason you are here, is because this evil man who took a third of my life away to this point, forced himself upon me. Oh, and here are some other things your daddy did.
And what of Katherine Tsarnaev. Whose ex-husband will now forever be known as a terrorist who took the lives of several, and destroyed the lives of hundreds more. What will she tell her daughter once she's old enough?
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Brickbat
(19,339 posts)
sarisataka
(18,483 posts)and accepting that they must take responsibility and receive punishment for their actions is not mutually exclusive.
Those who deny their child is guilty in the face of overwhelming evidence are in denial, IMO. They parent believes they must somehow have failed if the child commits a heinous act. Perhaps yes or no 
OKNancy
(41,832 posts)That's why there are songs, and poems, and mythology, and millions of stories...
I would love my children no matter what.
HangOnKids
(4,291 posts)So you don't understand that bond, and your description of the Amanda Berry ordeal sounds like a 5th rate novel.
Squinch
(50,911 posts)HangOnKids
(4,291 posts)Really? This is not worth explaining to you.
typo
Squinch
(50,911 posts)HangOnKids
(4,291 posts)The OP stated that Amanda would have to tell her daughter about her horrible father. Does the sarcasm thingy need to be used every time?
Squinch
(50,911 posts)HangOnKids
(4,291 posts)Have fun on DU and knock yourself out.
Squinch
(50,911 posts)HangOnKids
(4,291 posts)I'm sure you are just wonderful and warm fuzzy beautiful. Welcome to ignore!
Luminous Animal
(27,310 posts)The girl will eventually hear it from someone. It would be best if it were her mother.
sufrommich
(22,871 posts)facts of her conception to her daughter sooner rather than later. That little girl is either going to hear it from her family (most likely with the help of a good therapist) or she will hear it in school or somewhere else. I doubt that she will ever have the luxury of privacy concerning her conception.
Squinch
(50,911 posts)of frank conversations about what behaviors are acceptable and what behaviors are not.
sufrommich
(22,871 posts)what this child's perception of "normal" is right now. She's got a long road ahead of her,although her young age should be some help in adjusting in the coming years.
Squinch
(50,911 posts)But you can never predict what will happen with a kid. I know a few people (oddly enough) who are children of rape (though not prolonged abduction), and they are very well adjusted and happy adults.
Dorian Gray
(13,479 posts)I don't think telling her is going to be the worst thing she's gone through in her short life.
Squinch
(50,911 posts)Lots of parents abuse and use their kids in all kinds of ways.
DesertFlower
(11,649 posts)the first time he got in trouble i stood by him -- thinking he was just involved with the wrong people. i warned him to never do what he did again, but he did.
how could i disown him? i thought about his victims -- the pharmacist trying to make a living or the jeweler -- this punk kid comes in with a gun and says "give me your money". they're were many more victims that i'm sure i knew nothing about. that was in '81. he was sentenced to 7-1/2 to 21.
in '90 he called me (was out on parole) -- said he was doing good, but within a few weeks i found out he wasn't. i left word for him to never call me again. same thing in '96.
his father stood by him. i found out in '08 that he had committed suicide in '07. rented a hotel room and shot himself in the head. at that point he was no longer a monster, but my little boy who was so cute and polite. i took it badly, but never regretted my decision to disown him.
my understanding is that in 25 years he only spent about 5 on the outside. constantly violated parole.
no one know why he took his own life. he was about to open a deli -- probably mob backed -- where else would he get the money? maybe he couldn't handle being on the outside.
BTW. his father had a criminal background. we divorced when my son was 5.
SoCalMusicLover
(3,194 posts)And grieving the death of your child has little to do with believing your child was innocent of his crimes, or that he was somehow justified or led such a tough life that it should not necessarily be considered his fault.
I'm sure you were in pain when he died, but you should feel secure in the fact that you had done what you could to protect him. You had taught him right and wrong. He had decided to go a different path. Sounds perhaps more like the path your ex husband had taken, and so you never really had a chance at straightening him out.
DesertFlower
(11,649 posts)the complete opposite of my ex. my first husband aspired to be a gangster -- my second husband wanted to be president of IBM. actually he said that one time jokingly. he was with IBM for a year when we met. he was still with IBM when he passed last year at age 64 from a brain tumor.
he was a wonderful dad to my son -- loved him like his own. we set a good example. we both worked hard -- every year we did a little better, but my son saw his father sleeping till noon, driving a cadillac and wearing a diamond pinky ring. i guess he was more impressed with that.
he was okay until he was about 17 and that's when the change happened. when the police came to the house we couldn't believe it. my husband said "no way would he do that".
i know people make their own decisions, but i do hold my ex responsible for setting the example he did.
BTW. my entire family felt i made the right decision.
thank you for your kind words. i'm crying as i'm writing this. it's still very painful especially this last year since i lost my husband. we were together almost 42 years and were soul mates.
LeftInTX
(25,123 posts)One of my sons was on the wrong path for awhile. It was scary. 
Response to SoCalMusicLover (Reply #14)
DesertFlower This message was self-deleted by its author.
Squinch
(50,911 posts)DesertFlower
(11,649 posts)it was the right decision. he got one chance with me. i warned him then. don't ever do this again. he father served 2 years in prison when we were married.
Kelvin Mace
(17,469 posts)Some parents are quite willing for a myriad of reasons to allow harm to come to their children if it suits their purpose, so right off the bat we are starting with a false premise.
Some mothers would bond with the child who is a product of rape, some would not. Some who have the child for whatever reason may come to resent, neglect and abuse the child. Some people, who are not parents, have endangered themselves to save children who were complete strangers to them. Some children adore and revere there parents, while others hate them, and some even abuse or kill them.
It all comes down to the individual.
Marrah_G
(28,581 posts)I wouldn't begin to guess the percentage. I would like to think the love of a child often outweighs the circumstances that created it.
As for what she tells the child? She doesn't need to tell the child any details, nor tell the child her father is evil. In the cleveland case I'm sure she can have professionals help to deal with any questions the child has.
LeftInTX
(25,123 posts)If you don't have kids, that is why it is hard to understand.
The bond does naturally diminish a bit as children get older.
Even parents who abuse their kids have this bond. If you try to take their kids away they will protest to high heaven.
It is very difficult when kids go astray too.
As for Jodi Arias' mother, I think she is making a mistake. Casey Anthony's parents, especially her mother, also stood by her too. Parents can become co-dependent with dysfunctional kids and it can be an emotional mess. Parents sometimes have to cut ties to their child.
I have no idea what Katherine Tsaraev will say to her daughter. I have no idea what Marina Oswald told her kids either.
Voice for Peace
(13,141 posts)Scientists Discover Children’s Cells Living in Mothers’ Brains
The connection between mother and child is ever deeper than thought
By Robert Martone
The link between a mother and child is profound, and new research suggests a physical connection even deeper than anyone thought. The profound psychological and physical bonds shared by the mother and her child begin during gestation when the mother is everything for the developing fetus, supplying warmth and sustenance, while her heartbeat provides a soothing constant rhythm.
The physical connection between mother and fetus is provided by the placenta, an organ, built of cells from both the mother and fetus, which serves as a conduit for the exchange of nutrients, gasses, and wastes. Cells may migrate through the placenta between the mother and the fetus, taking up residence in many organs of the body including the lung, thyroid muscle, liver, heart, kidney and skin. These may have a broad range of impacts, from tissue repair and cancer prevention to sparking immune disorders.
It is remarkable that it is so common for cells from one individual to integrate into the tissues of another distinct person. We are accustomed to thinking of ourselves as singular autonomous individuals, and these foreign cells seem to belie that notion, and suggest that most people carry remnants of other individuals. As remarkable as this may be, stunning results from a new study show that cells from other individuals are also found in the brain. In this study, male cells were found in the brains of women and had been living there, in some cases, for several decades. What impact they may have had is now only a guess, but this study revealed that these cells were less common in the brains of women who had Alzheimer’s disease, suggesting they may be related to the health of the brain.
We all consider our bodies to be our own unique being, so the notion that we may harbor cells from other people in our bodies seems strange. Even stranger is the thought that, although we certainly consider our actions and decisions as originating in the activity of our own individual brains, cells from other individuals are living and functioning in that complex structure. However, the mixing of cells from genetically distinct individuals is not at all uncommon. This condition is called chimerism after the fire-breathing Chimera from Greek mythology, a creature that was part serpent part lion and part goat. Naturally occurring chimeras are far less ominous though, and include such creatures as the slime mold and corals.
(more at link)
Deep13
(39,154 posts)
Nikia
(11,411 posts)The child that we went through all that for must be worth it after all.
My children are 9 months and 4 years old. They are very much worth it, but giving birth and then being ready and willing to awake every 2 hours to feed your baby is pretty tough. I wouldn't do it for nothing.
