A thread for those for whom Mother's Day is hard

[dsc]

This is my tenth Mother's Day without my mother and one day after the first anniversary of my dad's death. In short, this weekend has been kind of crappy. So if you have recently, or even not so recently lost your mother, or have lost a child, or can't have a child, or just are alone today, hope you had a decent day today too.

[alsame]

1. ....

[Canuckistanian]

2. Thanks

Been 17 years for me. And Mother's day is always a day of sad reflection.

[Lifelong Protester]

3. Thanks

It is a hard day, continuously advertised, and difficult if you are alone, without a mom, not a mom, etc.

[CrispyQ]

4. Six years ago was my last Mother's Day.

We weren't always close & sometimes disagreed vehemently, but she was my Mom & I love her & I miss her.

[steve2470]

5. same exact situation for me nt

[skeewee08]

44. Seven years ago was my last Mother's Day.

I miss her dearly

[Raine1967]

6. This is really nice, dsc. eom

[MineralMan]

7. Good post.

My mother is 89 next month.

[DesertFlower]

8. thanks. my mom passed in '08.

my dear husband of almost 42 years passed almost 1 year ago. i did speak to my granddaughter who lives 2,000 miles away.

[CTyankee]

9. Oh, I am so sorry! I lost my beloved sister in law 3 years ago about this time and have

grieved the loss terribly. My own mother died peacefully and gently in 2005 at the age of 94. She had just stopped eating and went very slowly and kindly and I was with her at the very end. I could see to it that she was not suffering. For that I am grateful.

The loss of my s.i.l. in 2010 at this time of year just hit me like a sucker punch. We had become moms at the same time and had our babies and saw them develop and grow. The loss of her was like I had lost my own life. I was inconsolable and I was angry. It was a hard, hard loss. Her oldest daughter just posted her photo on Facebook. I saw it and cried.

I think Joe Biden said it best when he said that eventually the memory of you loved one will bring a smile to your lips before it brings a tear to your eye. Mostly I think he is right. But we still mourn, at some place in our souls, don't we? We are, after all, human...

[kickysnana]

10. Crazy weather, fragile health (me), everyone else with allergy and/or colds

Lost my Mom in 2008, Dad in 2010
Thought I would be all alone today.
Tragedy on one Mother's Day long ago
But, they did a drive by Mother's Day.

[eridani]

11. Thanks for this--was going to start a similar thread

I still miss my mother and mother-in-law, and regret that none of my three pregnacies ever came to term. At least I can be grateful that they happened after Roe v Wade--religious hospitals used to do nothing until they saw evidence that the embryo was expelled. If you bled to death meanwhile, that wasn't their problem. Also by the 70s there were support groups instead of bullshit Freudian lectures about how it reflected your real desire somehow.

[LiberalLoner]

12. Thank you.

[Bobbie Jo]

13. Thank you for this

My first without mom. I hear ya.

[Lady Freedom Returns]

14. Early next month will be the 3rd .anniversary of my Mother's passing

Last edited Sun May 12, 2013, 09:24 PM - Edit history (1)

Miss you Momma!

[ailsagirl]

24. That's gorgeous!!

[Lady Freedom Returns]

26. She had a thing for roses.

[ailsagirl]

48. A fitting tribute.

[xtraxritical]

15. I'm the same DSC, I miss my parents greatly on these days.

[dflprincess]

16. Thank you dsc. It's my first Mother's Day without my Mom

and I'm only 8 days away from the first anniversary of her death. This past Friday was the 2nd anniversay of my brother's death. The whole week has been harder than I thought it would be.

[Rhiannon12866]

36. I am so sorry and I can empathize.

It's my second Mother's Day without mine and it's still hard to absorb. I hope that you soon have some better days ahead. I just take it day by day.

[dflprincess]

49. Thank you I wish the same for you

back.

[calimary]

17. This is a very kind and thoughtful thread, dsc. VERY appropriate on a day like this.

Mothers are all about NOT us, but rather our kids. When I became a mom I finally got it - the BIG takeaway becomes: "It's not about you anymore."

It's very sweet and very motherly of you to put this out there, thinking of all those who can't celebrate today.

I think about the moms of Sandy Hook. This must be a pretty hard Mother's Day for them, too.

Much love, comfort, and solace to you all.

[Rozlee]

18. I miss my mother so much.

I have children and step-children that gather and make the day special for me with a nice dinner at a restaurant of my choice. It takes some of the sting away. But, in the mornings, my siblings and I go to the cemetery and lay flowers on our Mom's grave. She was the best.

[Scruffy Rumbler]

19. Thanks for this thread, dsc.

Went down to see my mom today. She lives downstairs. She was at her kitchen table finishing her breakfast with her aide. I come into her kitchen and take a seat next to her...

Me: Good morning, mom!
Mom: Hi! how are you?
Me: Good! You?
Mom: Good! I'm always good. I have all these people waiting on me. Who are you?
Me: (state my name)
Mom: You are one of my babies?
Me: Yup!
Mom: (eying me up and down)... I gave birth to you?
Me: (6'1" 200+ilbs) Yes, Ma'am, you did!
Mom: laughing Ouch... I gave birth to him! (to her aide) Well, thanks for coming by. You're too nice to be here with me. You have a good day!
Me: Ok, Mom. Can I get a hug and kiss first?
Mom: What?
Me:Can I get a hug and kiss first?
Mom: Ok, but I don't want to knock you on your butt.
Me: You won't!
Mom: You never know! I just may!
We hug.
Mom: You were my baby? shaking her head
Me: Yup! I was the biggest of the seven.
Mom: Seven? I had seven babies? Wow... And I loved every one of them. Well you have a good day, Drive careful ( I live in the apartment above her). You're too nice to stop by. As I leave the room she says to her aide: Who was that?

I hate Alzheimer's!

[nessa]

25. It's sounds like you brought some joy to her day. (nt)

.

[Scruffy Rumbler]

27. Thanks, nessa.

It is all about being in the moment, with her. I am very thankful that for the most part she still has a happy outlook. She does have her moments and times when she is scared, confused and pissed off! I am getting pretty good at reading her eyes as to what state she is in. Some days she is so quiet and wants to know where she is. Other times she wants to know who she is. other days, she is just having a good ole time!

[Tseko]

32. You sound like a great son.

My mom's a registered nurse in an aged care facility and I hear a lot of stories from her about lonely oldies on the holidays whose families don't visit them. It's especially heartbreaking for those with Alzheimer's.

It's great that you have that rapport with your mom.

[Scruffy Rumbler]

34. Thanks Tseko...

my mother is a retired RN. Both her parents spent their final years in a nursing home. She stated along time ago that she did not want that for her final years. Doing what I can to make sure she never sees the inside of a nursing home. My current job takes me to a variety of care facilities for the aged and some are great and some are not.

She not only gave birth to me, she saved my life after an accident as a child and made a couple of hard decisions that made her and my life better.

She and I also came out at the same time, our journey to being openly gay coincided. She and I have shared some very powerful experiences together.

It nearly broke my heart a couple of years ago when, in the midst of unbelievably horrible family crisis, in one of her lucid periods, she told me no matter what she forgot, she would never forget me.

These lines from "Love you Forever" pretty much are my plan for her and me.


"But she couldn't finish because she was too old and sick. The son went to his mother. He picked her up and rocked her back and forth, back and forth, back and forth. And he sang this song:

I'll love you forever,
I'll like you for always,
As long as I'm living
my Mommy you'll be. "

[Rainngirl]

43. Bless you both.

That little interaction made me all teary-eyed. She is very blessed to have you. I love that her humor is intact, even with that horrible disease. I lost my mom 46 years years ago when I was 14 (the same day that Dr. M.L. King died). Mother's day is always rough for me. We all have our own burdens, don't we? Blessings.

[ErikJ]

20. All anniversaries and holidays are practically meaningless to me.

Just born that way I guess. Lost my mom at 11 to a staff diseasses and step-mom 5 years ago.

[efhmc]

42. My hope for you is a bit of joy. I am so sad that you have had so much

loss. Hugs and kisses are due you even if they are only puny cyberspace ones. xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo

[Politicub]

21. Thank you

My husband's mother died of a heart condition not long ago, and today is tough for him.

I join you in hoping everyone had a decent day today.

[cantbeserious]

22. Appreciated

eom

[ailsagirl]

23. Many thanks for this thread

[classof56]

28. Tenth Mother's Day since my Mom left me, too.

She was 96 and in failing health, but somehow I thought she'd be with me much longer. Tears still come, and while sometimes making her life work was a struggle, I shall always miss her.

On the plus side--this morning my younger daughter called me, and later in the day, I Skyped with my first daughter and her husband for quite awhile (and my Grand-cat). So sorry you lost your dad just a year ago. Some holes in the heart can never be repaired.

Blessings to you.

[Purplehazed]

29. This is my 25th year w/o mom

Last edited Tue May 14, 2013, 10:03 AM - Edit history (1)

She held my hand
She fed me
She kept me warm
She taught me right from wrong
I miss her so much

[Mojorabbit]

30. Thank you!

My husband makes a big fuss over this day for me and I get a card from the pets but... the day often dredges up a sort of grief that I think I have left behind only to find it is not so.

[Danmel]

31. my husband's mother died in September.

I lost my mom 14 years ago. And both of my kids are still away at school, so it was a weird mother's day.

[jdadd]

33. Thank You for this thread....

This is my first Mothers day without Mom....She passed on last Christmas Eve, at the age of 97, She would have been 98 in March....I miss her so much...

[uppityperson]

35. Over 20 yrs since mom died, spent the day with "fill in mom" auntie who is getting really old.

And now I grieve her passing also. Mixed emotions today indeed.

[dsc]

37. glad this thread was helpful

sometimes you just have to get it out.

[EnviroBat]

38. This has been a difficult weekend...

My wife lost her mother to cancer at the end of last month, on the day before her birthday. Mother's Day, arriving just two weeks later has dealt a significant blow to the morale in our household. As much as I love my mom and all she has done for me, I'm kinda glad last weekend is over...

[xxqqqzme]

39. I miss my grandmother.

She was more of a mother than my mother is. My daughter and I spent a good part of Mother's Day w/ my grandmother on her last Mother's Day 10 years ago.

My daughter was over yesterday (she is enjoying her first pregnancy at 41 and I am thrilled for her). My Mother's Day is an Angels baseball game tonight because they were 'away' on Sunday.

[tavalon]

40. Thanks

It was harder than I expected, my first Mother's Day without little J. here.

[Maraya1969]

41. Thank you!

I never had children. Had one ectopic pregnancy that was horrible. So I have a lot of friends who do not have children also and I hate mothers day. I still have my Mom and I always call her and wish her a Happy Mother's day but I always feel a loss.

And something else that kind of pisses me off is this, (in case anyone identifies):

I have adopted so many dogs and cats over the years and taken care of them. I have even adopted senior dogs who I have only been able to keep for a year or two before they passed. I have friends who have done the same thing. And only one time in my life has anyone ever said, "Happy Mother's Day" to me and that was this year. Sure it is not the long term commitment of a child nor does it cost the amount of money a child costs or the time. But I have spent so much of my life taking care of unwanted animals and so have so many others and I think we should have a day for us. Or some acknowledgement that we are "Moms and Dads" in a special way.

Peanut and Paco are on the couch with me right now. Paco is under the throw because he does not have a lot of hair and gets chilly so I cover him up. I buy special food for him because he is prone to allergies. They are always around me. Usually I have had more than 2 at a time but I developed severe allergies and my health can't handle it until I get through a whole lot more allergy shots. But I have thought about adopting another one that is OK for people with allergies.

Anyway that is my rant. I hate Mother's Day. (But I would never let my own mother know that).

[Contrary1]

45. It is terribly hard for my daughter...

and me too.

She gave birth to premature twin girls on Memorial Day weekend eight years ago. Twin-to-twin transfusion syndrome. Very rare, but it somehow managed to find our sweet girl. Meghan lived for just a few short minutes. Allison passed on about an hour later.

We knew ahead of time that the odds were not in her favor. Somehow, that did not soften the blow.

My daughter and her husband visited yesterday to wish me a Happy Mother's Day. She did not feel well. Not a surprise, she finds herself under a cloud of sadness this time of year. She doesn't talk about it, but it's there, always...especially in May.

I still cry...for her, for myself, and for what might have been.

[StevieM]

46. My heart goes out to you and to your daughter (eom)

[StevieM]

47. Let's remember all the birthmothers whose hearts are often heavy on this day

Many of them coerced into adoption under extreme duress. Many more forced by dire economic circumstances to accept a permanent solution to a temporary problem. Losing a child to adoption is a devastating experience for most women, quite often a life-altering, life-scarring event.

And to add insult to injury we relegate them to "Birthmother's Day," telling them that they are not even worthy of sharing in the festivities of a true mother, at least not for the child they were forced to part with.

My heart goes out to all the first mothers/natural mothers who have suffered a terrible loss and made to endure a pain that no woman should ever be subjected to.