Michele B: "He touched the void inside her, pollinating her pink flower like a master bee"

[Fumesucker]

This is awesome on so many levels, starting in the gutter and rapidly descending.

http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B00CXET2Y6?ie=UTF8&camp=1789&creativeASIN=B00CXET2Y6&linkCode=xm2&tag=slatmaga-20

'Fires of Siberia' is an old-fashioned bodice ripper romance inspired by the life of Tea Party leader and Republican Congresswoman Michele Bachmann. Presidential candidate Danielle Powers, full of firebrand pluck and red state sex appeal, has the country in a tizzy. But on an international tour to beef up her foreign policy experience, disaster ensues—her plane explodes over Siberia. Miraculously, Danielle survives, along with one other passenger—a mysterious stranger named Steadman Bass. Trapped in a wilderness of snow and ice, the two begin a journey that pushes Danielle to the brink. There she must confront her deepest self and choose between civilization and a wild, primitive ecstasy. All the while, Steadman harbors a terrible secret that threatens to destroy them both.

[Frustratedlady]

1. Oh, gag! Sounds like the pages are covered with syrup.

Is this the one she was complaining about a couple days ago? I kind of skimmed over the article, but didn't know what all the fuss was about.

Actually, after seeing her husband and how he acts, I would imagine she has more than a couple fantasies in that head of hers, so the book may be closer to the truth than one would think.

[intaglio]

2. The Literary Review

has a bad sex in Fiction Award - this needs to to on the shortlist immediately

[LeftInTX]

3. Sounds like Bachmann with a touch of Sarah Palin

Especially the Siberia part

[mitchtv]

14. I thought that

title page looked like Monica L.

[Buns_of_Fire]

4. Oh, my...

It sounds like their passion melted the permafrost itself while they were pollinating their brains out. Definitely made-for-TV-movie material. It needs a suggestive corndog-eating scene or two, though.

[MineralMan]

5. Now, where DID I put that bottle of brain bleach?

My pink flower has wilted.

[randome]

6. Here ya go!

Use as directed.

[hr]
[font color="blue"][center]Stop looking for heroes. BE one.[/center][/font]
[hr]

[MineralMan]

7. Thanks. I needed that!

[Warpy]

8. Shit, I think mine up and died

just reading that stuff.

[MineralMan]

9. Yeah. I really hope it's not a terminal condition.

Somewhere, someone is reading that dreck and drooling.

[DevonRex]

10. Um, the guy looks like Zach Galifianakis

http://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Zach_Galifianakis

[Electric Monk]

11. If you click through to the Look Inside, it has a really big font

eg.

[font size=+2]Danielle tweeted from the back of her SUV:
"Need some purple mountain majesty ASAP. Home
soon!

They were stuck in traffic, at least another hour
to the airport.[/font]

[SomethingFishy]

12. Why is Monica Lewinski on the cover?

[trumad]

13. Actually---Christine O'Donnell

[derby378]

16. I call her "my little Ladybug"

[janlyn]

15. oh lord..

I just threw up a little in my mouth !!

[Zorra]

17. Bwahahaa! Like a master bee? Cool! The only bees that pollinate flowers are FEMALE worker bees!

Dude "pollinated her pink flower" like a female bee? Hmmm...

So, like, how does that work? Is that, like, some kind of early stage pre-op male to female transsexual lesbian thing?

[SummerSnow]

18. rofl.....here's a few lines from the book...

Shaking off the sleep,she settled back into her body in all its slender volatile elegance.Soft and tall,with supple shoulders,jutting breast,and a narrow waist that tapered into tantalizing long legs- regardless of her politics she was going to get votes.

[nomorenomore08]

20. Maybe it is real - some lonely, middle-aged, right-wing nutjob with Bachmann/Palin fantasies.

And who's clearly never taken so much as a high school creative writing class.

[sarge43]

24. "she settled back into her body..."

She have a near death experience, drug overdose?

"a narrow waist that tapered into tantalizing long legs..."

She had no hips?

[nomorenomore08]

19. This. Cannot. Be. Real.

Poe's Law is more valid than ever...

[randome]

21. Here's the 'master bee' the cover artist worked from. Artistic license, huh?

[hr]
[font color="blue"][center]Stop looking for heroes. BE one.[/center][/font]
[hr]

[LuvNewcastle]

22. I guess Steadman is a hairdresser who is

turned into a raging heterosexual by Michele's raw sexual energy. I'll bet she's had a fantasy or two about such a scenario.

[Arugula Latte]

23. I'm sure it's inspired by all the hot hetero man-woman sex Michelle has with Marcus!