Why do fundies adore Leviticus 18.22...

[jmowreader]

...but ignore the demand of Leviticus 20.9?

18.22, we all know what that is - Fred Phelps' favorite passage and the guiding light of the GOP. Lev.18.22 orders you to kill your children for cursing you.

If any fundamentalist who believes every word of the King James Bible is the literal word of God, except for the seven hundred references to wine because we know that's the only mistranslated word in the whole Bible, and obeys every single word in the Bible, hasn't killed at least half his children then he is a Pharisee and will never enter the Kingdom of God.

Thus it is written.

[muntrv]

1. These are the morons who don't read the Bible, just say "Praise Jaysus"

and think that'll get them into Heaven.

[hrmjustin]

2. You won't get an answer from them.

They are just hypocrites

[shawn703]

3. Correction

Lev.18.22 orders you to kill your children for cursing you

Change Lev.18.22 to Lev.20.9 here. I'm sure you meant to, I make the same type of mistakes all the time.

[dimbear]

4. I believe I recall the system. These are my 10 commandments, pick seven and keep them.

It goes something like that. Been a while since I've been in a church.

[Ohio Joe]

8. Any 7?

Can I trade them with friends, if I decide later I want to change my mind

[jmowreader]

12. In reality you only need five

Don't steal
Don't lie
Don't fuck anyone who's hooked up with someone else or doesn't want to sleep with you
Don't kill anyone who's not trying to kill you
And be nice to your parents

The rest of it is specific to Christianity. The Christians seem to believe they invented morality, but "don't lie, don't steal, don't kill, don't mistreat your mother and don't put your dick where it's not welcome" form the basis of civilization.

[YeahSureRight]

14. You only need 1

“Thou shall not do stuff that will get your ass killed”

Stealing – can get your ass killed.

Lying – Can get your ass killed but sometimes a lie can save your ass. Take your chances with that one.

Don’t mess around with another’s squeeze – Your ass deserves to get killed and the odds are high the person who killed your stupid ass will walk because it is justified.

Don’t kill anyone – In general that is a good policy unless someone steals from you, is messing with your squeeze or lied to you then it is more them likely A-OK .

Honoring of parents is optional depending upon your family situation.

[ThoughtCriminal]

17. Swap two for carbon credits

and you can drive anything.

[dembotoz]

5. well the fundies all profess to having read the entire bible-but by the 3rd book-leviticus-there are

just too many words and not enough pictures

[n2doc]

6. And of course, how do they not kill all professional football players?

Whosoever doeth any work in the sabbath day, he shall surely be put to death.--Exodus 31:15

Not to mention anyone else who works on Sunday.

Lev 23:3 “‘There are six days when you may work, but the seventh day is a day of sabbath rest, a day of sacred assembly. You are not to do any work; wherever you live, it is a sabbath to the Lord."

[jmowreader]

9. The football players get a reprieve...

...because they don't agree on the Sabbath day. There are serious ultra-fundies who believe the Sunday sabbath was sent by the devil, and anyone who practices it even once goes straight to hell.

Now for the next question: If anyone who doesn't follow your specific faith goes to hell, and everyone belongs to a belief system (or non-belief system, if you're an atheist) that members of a different system has declared to be hellbound, how can anyone expect to not go to hell?

[n2doc]

11. Well, I could pick Baseball Players of Basketball Players

Since they rotate through every day of the week. Somebody's gotta die for that!

The true believers always feel that they alone will go to heaven, all the billions of others end up in hell. Heaven is a lonely place....

[Hugabear]

15. Ah, but they did play on Saturdays while in college

Very, very few NFL players who didn't play college ball first. And college football is predominantly played on Saturday.

[justiceischeap]

7. Or that the entire book of Leviticus is actually Rabbinical law

and doesn't apply to the average human being.

[LeftyMom]

10. The really crazy ones want that to be the law too.

[jmowreader]

13. They like the collective punishment thing too

The Bible has several tales of God wiping whole cities off the map for the deeds of a few.

[XemaSab]

16. Oh, and you're a big expert, are you? :P

http://www.sermonaudio.com/sermoninfo.asp?SID=414111646266