For all my fellow oldsters at DU - have a good laugh!!

[malaise]

Is Romance Dead?

A middle-aged couple had finally learned how to send and receive texts on their cell phones. The wife, being a romantic at heart, decided one day that she'd send her husband a text while she was out of the house having coffee with a friend. She texted:

If you are sleeping, send me your dreams.
If you are laughing, send me your smile.
If you are eating, send me a bite.
If you are drinking, send me a sip.
If you are crying, send me your tears.
I love you.

The husband, being a no-nonsense sort of guy, texted back:

I'm on the toilet. Please advise.

[spanone]

1. now that's effin' funny!!!!

[malaise]

2. Hubby said that would be his precise text

Bwaaaaaaaah hahahahahahha

[bigtree]

3. oh, crap, malaise!

[malaise]

5. Literally

[cliffordu]

4. Well.....

[malaise]

8. You see

[cliffordu]

12. I've actually had my girlfriend call me while SHE was on the crapper.

I finally understood.....after the flush, that the honeymoon period was over.

[malaise]

23. And that is the absolute truth

[Le Taz Hot]

6. That is such a "guy" response.

[malaise]

7. That's why it's effin' hilarious

[rhett o rick]

20. Yeah, so what's your point.

[calimary]

68. I'll tell you

Last edited Tue Jul 9, 2013, 02:51 PM - Edit history (1)

when I get out of the bathroom...

[olddots]

9. Oy at my age

a bowel movement is a celebration .

[malaise]

24. Ha

[Jamastiene]

10. Oh shit!

[Triana]

11. Hahaaa. My response: "you can send that to the Republicans"

[malaise]

25. Good one

They are full of shite

[Little Star]

13. That cracked me up!!!

[malaise]

26. Me too

[Lugnut]

14. ROFL!

That sounds like something my husband would text.

[Pretzel_Warrior]

15. will be repeating that one

[snooper2]

16. Not only did she figure out how to text, she figured out

How to go over the 160 character limit

[malaise]

30. Come on

It's apocryphal

[azurnoir]

17. well he did as she asked

he sent her some sh^t

[malaise]

39. No he didn't

he asked for advice - he knew better

[JDPriestly]

18. Priceless.

[LeftofObama]

19. LOL!

[panader0]

21. I guess I'm not the only one to carry his cell phone into the bathroom.

[malaise]

35. Doesn't everyone?

[trotsky]

76. ...

[malaise]

77. Did he even poop?

[WillyT]

22. LOL !!! - K & R !!!

[southernyankeebelle]

27. Thanks for the laugh.

[malaise]

40. You're welcome

[happyslug]

28. What do you mean by Middle age? You remain a Young Radical till you are in your 50s.

My father participated in the 1970 Postal Strike. The Main strike was in New York City, but my Father was in Pittsburgh. During the Union Meeting held in Soldiers and Sailors Memorial Hall a motion was made to go on Strike. The President of the Pittsburgh Local then said, they can NOT go on Strike for that would means he would go to Jail. My Father rose from the Flow and Said "And that is why we pay you for" and carried the motion.

A week later another election was held to continue the Strike. The President made a motion to send the ballots home instead of doing it in the Meeting. My Father knew he had the votes to continue the Strike, but that if the Ballots went home, the Letter Carriers wives would put pressure on their husbands to vote to end the Strike. Thus the Vote to send the ballots to the Carrier's Homes instead of at the meeting was the real vote to continue the Strike or not. When the Motion was carried, My father, then 51 and another Carrier, age 55 walked out in protest. The local Newspaper reported the incident the next day and commented on the "Two young Radicals" who walked out of the Meeting. Thus you can NOT be Middle age till while after you are 55 for the Newspaper would only report actual facts not opinion.

[malaise]

31. Love it

Nice story.

[midnight]

29. Too funny....

[malaise]

34. You have to be a certain age to identify

with the response

[midnight]

36. So true.....

[chknltl]

32. He could send her fart petals.

Well sending turd blossoms might be a bit of overkill.

[malaise]

47. I hope not

[heaven05]

33. truly

funny. I did laugh out very loud. Cats scattered.

[malaise]

37. I scared the ferals when I opened the email

[L0oniX]

38. I hope he had the cam turned off.

[malaise]

41. Ewwwwwwwwwwwwwwww!

[Skraxx]

42. Courtesy Flush

[wendylaroux]

44. lol-nt

[malaise]

45. You and wendylaroux had the same idea

[wendylaroux]

43. Perhaps a courtesy flush?

[Skraxx]

48. jinx

[jtuck004]

46. There's a reason I call it my office. n/t

[Jessy169]

49. He could have been doing any of those things while "on the toilet"

Still, very funny!

[nolabear]

50. Then piss off!

[malaise]

62. Ha

Bet you wouldn't send that

[asjr]

51. Good for her learning to text.

I still have not mastered it!

[malaise]

56. Same here

I keep it real simple

[sheshe2]

52. Her advise~

If it's yellow let it mellow~
If it's brown, flush it down!

Thanks for the laugh!!!!

malaise~

[malaise]

55. Bwaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah

[sheshe2]

58. Well, Shit malaise.

My parents brought us up green~

Don't waste the well water unless you're having a brown out~

[Spitfire of ATJ]

53. Okay,...how many here texted that to someone in the next room?

[malaise]

54. Ha

[JHB]

57. Hon, i send you a profound sense of relief

Your garden can have the rest.

[malaise]

59. Ah the possibilities

[awoke_in_2003]

60. I need to steal this. nt

[malaise]

61. Someone sent it to me

Guess she stole it too -and so did I

[BlancheSplanchnik]

63. I pray he doesn't dump her. n/t

[malaise]

64. DUzy

[riverbendviewgal]

65. An old joke

that always makes me laugh out loud...every time I read it.

[malaise]

66. First time I saw it

[loudsue]

67. Hahahahah!!!

Too funny!

[Tyrs WolfDaemon]

69. The toilet is the place one should issue their Constipation Proclamations

This is followed by sharing their Urination Celebration.

Now if you are in a public restroom, preferably with many people you do not know around, and you have large gaseous explosions, always remember to call out in a loud voice...

Fire Torpedo One!
Fire Torpedo Two!
and so forth such that in the end you can declare your victory with the celebration mentioned above.

[malaise]

71. ROFL

[Gman]

70. LOL!

[Aerows]

72. OMG Malaise

That was hilarious!

[malaise]

75. LOL

[SalmonChantedEvening]

73. Brilliant! :)

Thank you, malaise!

[malaise]

74. Hi there stranger

Nice to see you

[lark]

78. Thanks for the laugh!

I really needed this, it lightened my dreary day at work.

[malaise]

79. You're welcome