I think my Republican husband is losing it

[HockeyMom]

He is back in NY on a business trip and staying over our younger daughter's house. She made dinner and invited her older sister. They did not have enough matching plates, so my older daughter found a square plate, handed it to her father, and said, "Here, Dad, since you are a Republican, you get the square plate." He got up and stormed out of the house. She is not a teenager, but 34 years old. I got a phone call from our younger daughter telling me what happened. "What is the MATTER with Dad?" "It was a JOKE!" Actually until she got to the part about him walking out, I was laughing myself.

Republicans are square? He is square? Even, among all round plates (Democrats) there is one square plate (Republican)? It can be taken a few ways, but I don't think any of them are cause to go storming out of your daughter's home when she made you a special dinner.

I really hope I am not going to get caught in the middle because I personally do not agree with what he did. If it had been me, I would have just grinned and said nothing. I know, if my husband doesn't bring it up, I most certainly won't.

Damn, talk about being overly sensitive.

[Ilsa]

1. Sounds like he's upset with being reminded that he's

a part of this group that is wreaking havoc.

Good luck!

[Cha]

34. Yeah, it's not like the usual Repubs and Dems time..

this is unFreakingPrecedented! TeaKoch Terrorists on Steroids!

[NRaleighLiberal]

2. Could be that even being singled out and labeled was too much - I suspect that any

Repubs that have any consciences at all are feeling mighty embarrassed right about now and don't even want their party mentioned...that's one possibility that came to mind aside from the options you mentioned...

[Fumesucker]

3. Not to make light of your situation but your husband should listen to this song

Sorry, half the things I read on DU make me think of a song and your OP just set me off again.

[PennsylvaniaMatt]

4. That kind of reaction for a minor joke!?

It's not like she called him a "woman-hating, gay-hating, fascist!"

Fortunately, the only Republicans we have in our immediate family are my grandparents (although as I mentioned in another thread, they are loving President Obama now because their insurance went down!), so we never have too much division and banter. I jokingly kid with my grandfather, and I once said to my grandmother "I swear, your lips are moving, but all I'm hearing is Laura Ingraham's voice!"

[Ed Suspicious]

77. We'll she did call him a republican so the rest might be implied.

[ZombieHorde]

5. To a small degree, your husband is mistreating your daughter.

When my wife or I get grumpy with the kids we talk about it in private.

[elleng]

6. Mebbe NY people he's working with have been discussing the issue,

and he hoped to have an evening without any discussion of politics. Too bad for him.

Yes, don't bring it up!

[Decaffeinated]

7. An excellent example of why to leave politics somewhere other than the dinner table...

[customerserviceguy]

13. Smartest comment on this thread

When you joke about someone's politics or religion, you can expect this to happen occasionally.

[Mariana]

20. Maybe in the past HE's been the one

to bring it up all the time, and that's why the daughter was so shocked by his behavior.

[dogknob]

15. No breaks from reality. Not even at dinner. We put up with them where we live and they get coddled?

No.

[Decaffeinated]

16. Do what you like...

It's just boorish...

[TheKentuckian]

21. The comment hardly could be described as politics. If anybody has to be that big of a baby then

they can find their own supper where their act doesn't ruin anyone else's

What kind of petulant child reacts to a little quip like that? Fuck em.

[Decaffeinated]

22. As stated above.. do what you like...

Don't expect everyone to accept or tolerate your jibs and jabs with a smile...

Mr. O'malley, you can have the potatos...

Lakisha you get the watermelon and fried chicken...

Stacy the lesbian gets a taco...

Sorry Lin, no chopsticks for you tonight


etc.. etc.. etc..

Remember, it's just a quip... Have a sense of humor!

[Gore1FL]

26. I am missing the analogy

How is making fun of someone's born ethnicity or orientation similar to pointing out that someone is a Republican?

[Decaffeinated]

31. The point is that it is classier to be pleasant....

... than to take jabs at people and then get huffy when they aren't amused by your amazing wit.

[HangOnKids]

32. Thanks Martha Stewart

You are amazing!

[Decaffeinated]

37. Glad to help...

I had no idea that the concept of not being an ass to your guests and/or family was a revelation to some...

[blueridge3210]

41. Looks like we learn something new every day.

I agree it's a poor way to treat a guest.

[treestar]

66. that remark seemed mild to me

Her father's the one in the wrong. He could have chosen to be pleasant about a little teasing remark.

[sibelian]

42. All that's going to happen is they're going to get pissed off.

It's a totally different thing if they start spouting republican gibberish or start doing nonsensical republican things. But if they turn up and are reasonably placid and don't shit on the table, why kick off?

[pitbullgirl1965]

50. It's not similar and this meme needs to go away

You don't choose your race, sexual orientation, gender, disability, et al. Being a Republican, police officer, Christian et. is a free choice.

[TheKentuckian]

47. Flat out racism is the same as a very mild jab about political affiliation?

Are you out of your mind? You really think anything you posted there is in the same ballpark as "no chopsticks tonight, Lin"?

Are fucking joking, dense, or just a very thinly veiled a racist?

We are still talking about a fucking square plate not going over the watermelon and fried chicken ground here.

If you are that sensitive about being a TeaPubliKlan then maybe you ought to think about who you affiliate with more instead of lamely trying to tie it to nasty, bigoted shit based on race but you went RIGHT THERE because that is the way you are hardwired, apparently.

[redqueen]

63. THANK YOU

Fucking hell! I can't believe nobody else called that shit out! WTF!

[Decaffeinated]

72. I was raised to be pleasant to my guests and family... Maybe you weren't...

There seems to be a desperate need to rationalize why it's ok to make this visiting father feel unwelcome at his daughters home.

Very odd...

[laundry_queen]

88. And in our family good-natured ribbing is part of everyday life.

Feel unwelcome? LOL, this dad needs a thicker skin, or he needs to examine his beliefs if he's that defensive. I agree with other posters upthread, he mistreated his daughter. He threw a toddler tantrum. He's the one being ridiculous here. I was raised to behave in a host's home.

[Decaffeinated]

93. Right...

I'm sure that if this thread started off with jabs at a visiting dem in a right oriented household, everyone would just tell her to grow a thicker skin right?

[laundry_queen]

95. Depends what it was.

In this case, if she got up and stormed out on her conservative children, my opinion would be the same. Grow up is my thought on that.

[HappyMe]

44. Very true.

If it's supposed to be a nice family dinner, why single the guy out?

He also could have had a rough day at work.

[gopiscrap]

8. I know a few other repukes who have been a bit touchy this week

[seveneyes]

9. Maybe having a rough day

It can happen. Every day is different than the day before that follows.

[Warpy]

10. Cognitive dissonance is extremely painful

and Republicans are getting it, in spades, because they've tried to live in this bubble of manufactured reality and the real thing keeps on intruding. It's very painful when it does.

I think he's going to crack at some point, either becoming an equally fanatical Democrat or deciding to forgo politics completely because he thinks they're all equal liars. My guess is that most of them will choose the second, refusing to have anyone mention politics around them ever again as they slip into apathy.

The only third option is madness, fueled by lots of alcohol.

[TeamPooka]

38. +1000

[LuvNewcastle]

94. Gosh, I hope so. Apathy would be a welcome change in my family.

[nadinbrzezinski]

11. I am sorry

[LittleBlue]

12. No political or religious talk for me

Not with my family or friends. It can only lead to hurt feelings and making guests uncomfortable.

[Incitatus]

14. If a Republican relative did that to me, I would just laugh it off.

Or said something back, like "Thanks, now I won't be mistaken for one of you." I certainly wouldn't leave a family dinner over something so trivial.

I take it that is out of character behavior for him. The growing opposition towards Republicans must feel crushing.

[mwrguy]

17. TRB

Typical republican behavior

[Lancero]

18. Funny how we...

Raise shit about blacks being treated different because of their skin color, and gays being treated differently because of their orientation.

Yet applaud when a person is treat differently because of their political affiliation.

Justify it with "They deserve it, they are ruining the country!" if you wish... but that is the same justification that racists and homophobes use to justify their treatment of different races and orientations.

[Mariana]

23. Couple of problems with your analogies.

1. African-Americans don't choose their skin color, and gays don't choose their sexual orientation. People do choose their political affiliations.

2. Are you really equating a daughter lightly teasing her dad and someone, say, refusing to hire African Americans or homosexuals? Really? You think the effects of those things are the same?

[Lancero]

24. Discrimination has prevaled for so long...

Because people find any means to justify it.

[cui bono]

28. Getting a square plate instead of a round plate with a little tease thrown in is discrimination?

Really?

For someone who is trying to take a stand against discrimination you are really minimizing the real discrimination that goes on.

[Lancero]

39. Yes

Because it's specifying his affiliation as the reason for getting the plate.

Discrimination is discrimination, no matter the form or who it's done to. The sooner people can understand this, the sooner we can bring a end to it.

That said, real discrimination sounds mighty similar to real rape.

[cui bono]

40. I'm speechless. n/t

[CJCRANE]

54. But it's a superficial difference, that's why it's a harmless joke.

If she gave him less food or lower quaility then that would be discrimination.

[Lancero]

59. Same circumstances, diffrient person...

I give a black guy and square plate and say he gets the square plate because he's black.

I give a gay guy the square plate and say he gets the square plate because he's gay.

Reasonable people would see that these actions are, in part, discriminatory.

You can argue semantics all you wish, but in the end treating a person differently because they are not the same as you, or do not share the same ideals as you, is discrimination.

The only reason this is a issue is that she specified his political affiliation as the reason for getting the plate. Not because they were out of regular plates.

[CJCRANE]

61. It's more akin to sports teams. Political affiliation is a choice. Which team you follow is a choice

It's par for the course to indulge in a little gentle teasing with someone who supports the other team, whether it's in sports or politics.

[treestar]

68. It wasn't an actual reason for giving her dad that plate

It wasn't preplanned. Good grief, you are actually like, thinking about this? Giving that plate to the youngest child because she was the youngest child would have been discrimination?

[noiretextatique]

57. that's absolutely insane

and it is not discrimination anyway. they didn't have enough round plates

[IL Lib]

29. +1 n/t

[Nuclear Unicorn]

71. You're right but what if

Lancero mentioned religion instead.

[Mariana]

74. Please refer to number 2 in my post. nt.

[sibelian]

43. Political stance is a choice, not an invariant personal characteristic

It's up for grabs.

Having said that I think the subject could have been avoided, really, in this instance...

[CJCRANE]

55. It's like if someone supports a different sports team

you might give them a bit of gentle ribbing.

As long as she gave him the same amount and quality of food it doesn't make a difference.

[pitbullgirl1965]

51. For Todds sake they are not the same!!

1. You don't get to choose being gay, transgender, a woman, black, etc which are groups that have been terrorized and murdered by those same Republicans.

2. Yes, if you're a Republican TeaTurd, yes, you do deserve it, you're complicate in their actions and it's not like you can't help being a Repub.

[noiretextatique]

56. way to make totally false equivalents!!!

you're not a republicon, are you?

[redqueen]

64. lol

How unsurprising.

[eridani]

19. I figure that Democrats married to Republicans must be having incendiary sex lives

I mean, something has to compensate for the aggravation. I occasionally see an SD paired with an SR on my doorbell lists, but have never mentioned this.

[Samantha]

25. Sounds like your husband is very upset over something else

and the least little thing is just too much to withstand. Is he worried about his job?

Sam

[steve2470]

82. I think you're on the right track

Unless the man is chronically hypersensitive and touchy (which has not been stated), I think that's the most likely explanation. Another one is, maybe one too many Republican jokes and he finally lost it ? I don't know.

[seabeyond]

27. Maybe it has been too many of these little jokes and one too many, feeling excluded,

Or like Sam said something else is up and was one too much. Best to you all

[xfundy]

30. I guess he finally realized he's a minority.

[nyquil_man]

33. Where does he stand ideologically?

If he's not a fire eater, it might be embarrassing for him to have his party ID pointed out to him right now.

[grasswire]

35. Oh, Archie!

Sounds very "All In The Family"

[Tarheel_Dem]

36. They are a touchy lot, and for good reason. nt

[sibelian]

45. Weeeeellll hmf.

Normally I get peeved with Dems letting Repubs get away with all sorts of disgusting rudeness (and they are HIDEOUSLY rude people, often) but I don't quite get why kicking it off is good.

Yes, he was probably oversensitive. However, the square plate joke didn't really have to be thrown out, did it? She could just have been nice. I don't think she was being particlarly nasty... but, you know.

Anyway, he's Dad. Dad's are square. ALL Dads are ALWAYS square. My Dad's square. His Dad was square. It's an ineffable rite of masculinity that no-one tells you about. You hit 40ish and suddenly being cool seems kind of silly and unimportant.

Squaredom should be a source of pride! He should know this, I guess.

I am now Dad age and even though I have no sprouts I am square. Never mind, eh? You know what, it's SO MUCH EASIER AND NICER AND STUFF.

[HockeyMom]

62. Why then why are Mothers not subject to this so much?

Yeah, they do a bit, but NOTHING like their Dad. Maybe because I don't complain so much like he does? I guess that is where you get into "age is just a state of mind". He blows up about youth getting tatted. I just say whatever floats your boat. Different perspectives among the elderly I suppose. If you aren't hurting other people by your actions, I don't care what you do.

[sibelian]

87. Dunno.... because father's voice is SERIES BIZNES

... traditionally.

So it's much more fun to hack lumps out of his self esteem!

Proper fathers don't give a shit about this hacking. The hacking usually only really gets going after the kids are perfectly capable of telling for themselves what's serious and what isn't, so he can relax and just be nice to them. It's so much nicer for the father. My Dad loves it when his daughers poke fun at him. He knows they adore him anyway, so he can be himself and doesn't have to constantly pretend to take everything seriously.

If he thinks he hasn't done his job properly yet he'll be blue in the face with frustration that the kid isn't listening, less because he thinks the kid's opinion of him is important but because he'll feel he's failed in getting the kid to be in a place where they can take care of themselves and not be subject to a more-unpleasant-than-usual amount of life's usual nastiness. If they aren't taking him seriously, well, for heavens sake, how can they take ANYTHING seriously?

[Corruption Inc]

46. Gross, married to a torture supporter?

At least your kid survived and has a sense of humor.

[Dreamer Tatum]

48. I think your post is in poor taste nt

[Sissyk]

49. Sounds to me like something else may be bothering him.

If it was me, I would bring it up when he returned home.

It would be so out of character for my husband, that I would know immediately that something else was on his mind. A sure fire way to find out what that is, and to help him with it, is to ask about the incident at the daughter's dinner table.

[derby378]

52. IIRC, Richard Nixon OWNED his squareness

He fully embraced it during his stint in the White House.

[MADem]

76. Laugh In.....!

[HockeyMom]

53. Oh, no. I just got billed $314 for 3 MONTHS of Goverment (Medicare B) Welfare

I should DROP this so you can pay $800 a month for me under your PRIVATE, for profit, employer paid health insurance. OBAMA and the Democarts are just driving up all these rates! BTW, that 3 months includes JANUARY 2014, which is when you said would go SKY HIGH when Obamacare went into efffect. I guess they didn't teach me how to do basic division in college?????

You want to sling it, be prepared to take it. After 40 years, I know Republicans can sling it, but they cannot take it, when you challenge them. He is ONE PERSON. Think about how many of him there are in Congress.

[mnhtnbb]

58. Yes, he is overly sensitive. I've been in the situation where I was surrounded by Repub relatives

(at my brother's house) and the minute I walked in one time--2007--both he and his wife started in
on telling Hillary jokes. I told them, hang on, I have a few Bush jokes for you...and that
shut them up.

But I do get it. It's not fun being outnumbered.

[Pretzel_Warrior]

60. sounds like he has issues.

I had numerous run in's with my dad over the years. He's a dope.

[redqueen]

65. Storming out in a fit because of one little joke? About a fucking PLATE?

Yeah, he overreacted in a major, major way. Maybe there's something else going on that he's not talking aboutbut if that is his reaction to a joke about a plate he needs anger management classes.

Also, I'm shocked that anyone would call that quip "talking politics"

And even more shocked by some of the idiotic comparisons to nasty racist and homophobic prejudices and actual nastiness. Fucking unreal...

[laundry_queen]

89. Agree with everything you said. nt

[grahamhgreen]

92. Next he'll refuse to pay all his bills, lol

[B Calm]

67. All Republicans have thin skin!

[Nuclear Unicorn]

69. Nothing heals a family rift like derisively posting about it on a partisan political forum

I really hope I am not going to get caught in the middle

The middle? You're taking the lead. You brought the story here so others could tear him down. If you really have such an "agree with me or suffer public ridicule" attitude maybe his frustration with your baiting and undercutting has been a long time building and maybe you've taught your children to tear him down and disrespect him.

Show a moment's loyalty and compassion for the man who has apparently done the same for you for decades.

[Decaffeinated]

73. Well said...

Though I'm sure that the solid democrat who got made fun of while visiting their Republican family would get just as many posts supporting them and telling them why their family is a bunch of rude assholes.

[Dark n Stormy Knight]

97. Exhibit B.

[Union Scribe]

75. Quite.

Not the first time for this sort of post either.

[mwrguy]

78. Next meal tell him to go eat at the kids' table

And he can eat with the adults when he grows up enough to be able to take a joke and join the adult's party.

[Springslips]

79. Everyone missing the bigger lesson.

We have discover the key.

All we need to do us go to congress, give every republican a square dish and say " you are a republican so you get the square dish," they will all walk out and we will be done with them forever!

Or maybe, he is mad because republican Teddy Roosevelt said Square Deal, not Square meal!

[ffr]

80. Where did he go after storming out?

Not the act of a reasonable person, but then, I don't know the man. He could have just had a bad work day, already on pins and needles.

[grahamhgreen]

91. Strip club.

J/k

[ffr]

81. And another thing, if he doesn't like it, tell him to switch to the winning team.

Us.

[Hutzpa]

83. He is lucky your daughter didn't give him a square peg

to eat on, probably would have burn the house down.

[Coyotl]

84. It's Obama's fault.

[BenzoDia]

85. It can be hard to let go of long standing beliefs.

Hopefully, he'll accept the fact that Republicans are bat shit insane.

[Niceguy1]

86. that's why i don't do politics

With family, GF, girl on the side, etc lol.

Just not worth it...relationships are more important.

[grahamhgreen]

90. Obviously you women need to learn your place, lol

[TrogL]

96. Many authoritarian types are fragile narcissists

the slightest thing that attacks their view of themselves, they retaliate drastically