CRUZ: “THE DREAM OF KEEPING POOR PEOPLE FROM SEEING A DOCTOR MUST NEVER DIE”

[onestepforward]

WASHINGTON (The Borowitz Report)—Acknowledging that the government shutdown was coming to an end, an emotional Sen. Ted Cruz (R-Texas) took to the Senate floor today to make an impassioned speech, telling his colleagues, “The dream of keeping poor people from seeing a doctor must never die.”

His eyes welling up with tears, Sen. Cruz said, “I embarked on this crusade with a simple goal: to keep affordable health care out of the reach of ordinary, hard-working Americans. And while this battle was lost, that dream—that precious, cherished dream—will live on.”

Reflecting on the government shutdown and near-default that almost touched off a global financial apocalypse, Sen. Cruz said, “We’ll give it another try in a few weeks.”

Sen. Cruz’s closest ally, Sen. Mike Lee (R-Utah) also spoke reverently of the shutdown, calling it “the most expensive Civil War reënactment in history.”

“Unfortunately, once again, the wrong side won,” he said.

-snip-

http://www.newyorker.com/online/blogs/borowitzreport/2013/10/cruz-the-dream-of-keeping-poor-people-from-seeing-a-doctor-must-never-die.html?utm_source=tny&utm_medium=email&utm_campaign=borowitz&mbid=nl_Borowitz%20(183)

[flamingdem]

1. ohhhhh

“the most expensive Civil War reënactment in history.”

[texanwitch]

2. Yeah, lets just keep poor people from seeing a doctor.

Keep talking guys.

You are only helping more Democrats to win.

[Tx4obama]

4. For folks that do not know: The Borowitz Report, The Onion, The Currant, Free Wood Post - are SATIRE

[texanwitch]

6. That is how the republicans feel.

That is why they tried to stop the ACA.

[SummerSnow]

3. here it comes....

[hrmjustin]

5. satire I get it. Now.

[Cha]

7. It's the freaking size of it whether sociopath cruz

ever admits or not. He't the kind of dirty klanbagger that likes to Hijack the Vets March and mingle with the racists. While blaming the White House for the Shutdown that he orchestrated.

Weasels are better.. way better.

[niyad]

8. sadly, the borowitz report may actually be reflecting his true feelings.

[calimary]

9. That'd be funny if it weren't true.

[DeSwiss]

10. K&R