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Tue Mar 6, 2012, 12:59 AM

My brother just died of brain cancer.

Well, okay, he died five days ago. With me and my wife.

I haven't been able to post about anything since about two or three weeks ago. He wanted to die at home. We honored his request.

We have his funeral planned for next Saturday. Shit. He's my little brother. He's only 50.

Dammit. Brain cancer. Go away.

I'm blown away. He died on my birthday. And his daughter's birthday. Right in front of me.

I need to deliver his eulogy.

Aside from Ted Kennedy, can anyone help with meaningful eulogy stuff? I'll figure it all out. Brother to brother stuff.

Peace and love,

Steve

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Reply My brother just died of brain cancer. (Original post)
stevedeshazer Mar 2012 OP
Luminous Animal Mar 2012 #1
lonestarnot Mar 2012 #3
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elleng Mar 2012 #5
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Ecumenist Mar 2012 #51
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Response to stevedeshazer (Original post)

Tue Mar 6, 2012, 01:00 AM

1. Peace and love, Steve.

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Response to Luminous Animal (Reply #1)

Tue Mar 6, 2012, 01:01 AM

3. What's with all the nader stuff?

 

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Response to stevedeshazer (Original post)

Tue Mar 6, 2012, 01:01 AM

2. I'm really sorry Steve.

 

My brother can make me crazy sometimes, but I can't imagine how much it would suck to lose him.

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Response to stevedeshazer (Original post)

Tue Mar 6, 2012, 01:02 AM

4. I'm sorry, Steve.

You must be in so much pain right now. We're with you...

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Response to stevedeshazer (Original post)

Tue Mar 6, 2012, 01:02 AM

5. Peace and love, Steve.

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Response to stevedeshazer (Original post)

Tue Mar 6, 2012, 01:03 AM

6. ...



so sorry for your loss.

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Response to stevedeshazer (Original post)

Tue Mar 6, 2012, 01:03 AM

7. I'm so sorry, Steve. I think it's a blessing to be with a loved one when they

pass -- I hope you feel that way, too.

Anything you say will be meaningful, because it will be coming from your heart with love.

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Response to stevedeshazer (Original post)

Tue Mar 6, 2012, 01:03 AM

8. I'm so sorry stevedeshazer.

 

It's good you were with him when he left.

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Response to stevedeshazer (Original post)

Tue Mar 6, 2012, 01:03 AM

9. I am so sorry, my dear Steve...

Words are so inadequate at times like these. I know you're hurting, and I wish there were something I could do to make it less.

Remember that you love him, and he loved you, and you had some great times together. Eventually, those memories will help you deal with this loss...

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Response to stevedeshazer (Original post)

Tue Mar 6, 2012, 01:04 AM

10. I'm very sorry for your loss

what a thing to go through. Peace be with you my brother.

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Response to stevedeshazer (Original post)

Tue Mar 6, 2012, 01:04 AM

11. Damn...

 



Peace...

& Rec !!!

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Response to stevedeshazer (Original post)

Tue Mar 6, 2012, 01:05 AM

12. I am so sorry

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Response to stevedeshazer (Original post)

Tue Mar 6, 2012, 01:05 AM

13. Steve - so very sorry.

 

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Response to stevedeshazer (Original post)

Tue Mar 6, 2012, 01:05 AM

14. bring up little stories from childhood and just growing up together

i'm sorry , he was too young.

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Response to stevedeshazer (Original post)

Tue Mar 6, 2012, 01:06 AM

15. I am sorry, steve. n/t

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Response to stevedeshazer (Original post)

Tue Mar 6, 2012, 01:06 AM

16. I'm so sorry, Steve.

I'm sure that whatever you put together for him will be exactly right.

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Response to stevedeshazer (Original post)

Tue Mar 6, 2012, 01:07 AM

17. So sorry...

Lost our 21 year old niece last year to Ewings Sarcoma...cancer sucks.

Peace and love, to you and your family.

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Response to stevedeshazer (Original post)

Tue Mar 6, 2012, 01:07 AM

18. I'm very sorry.... I can maybe give a little advice...

...Whatever you say, maybe a story about you and your brother that will make everyone smile over the memory... Maybe that's what you can do.

May it help you as you think it through.

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Response to stevedeshazer (Original post)

Tue Mar 6, 2012, 01:08 AM

19. I am so, so sorry for your loss.

That's too young. Too damn young.

Of course you're reeling...probably feeling numb sometimes and all too much other times. It's okay. Grief takes your breath away and rearranges your mind and is a physical pain in the body. Don't ever feel like you need to apologize for its effects.

You were able to give him the death he wanted, with loved ones. I know that's cold comfort when he shouldn't have had a death at all. But it really does mean a lot.

I'm just so sorry.

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Response to stevedeshazer (Original post)

Tue Mar 6, 2012, 01:08 AM

20. I'm so sorry.

Take care.

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Response to stevedeshazer (Original post)

Tue Mar 6, 2012, 01:09 AM

21. Think about the things that make you happy to remember him

The most fulfilling memorials I ever went to celebrated the passed people and remembered their lives.

One was for a friend. His family, roommate, and friends who wanted to stood up in turn and told stories about his far too short life. Each was a memory that made them glad to remember his life.

By the end we were all laughing and crying together.

At my brother in laws memorial, my sister did the same thing with the same result. We all let go of the sorrow and remembered the good times. Everyone who wanted contributed a story. Those who did not felt no pressure to. It was a release and an acceptance.

I am sorry for your loss.

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Response to csziggy (Reply #21)

Tue Mar 6, 2012, 07:41 PM

134. Good stuff.

Thank you.

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Response to stevedeshazer (Original post)

Tue Mar 6, 2012, 01:09 AM

22. My condolences.

May your brother RIP.

Prayers and peace.

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Response to stevedeshazer (Original post)

Tue Mar 6, 2012, 01:15 AM

23. You have my heartfelt sympathies.

Within the past fifteen years I've lost three friends to brain tumors. Two were in their 20's and the most recent one was 48.

I suggest that you reflect on how fully he lived his life, the causes for which he showed compassion and the things he did to make the lives of others better.

Peace and good fortune to you and your family.

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Response to stevedeshazer (Original post)

Tue Mar 6, 2012, 01:15 AM

24. So sorry, Steve. My brother died 3 weeks ago. I know how you feel. Hang in there.

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Response to sueh (Reply #24)

Tue Mar 6, 2012, 01:56 AM

45. so sorry for your loss, as well.

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Response to sueh (Reply #24)

Tue Mar 6, 2012, 01:58 AM

47. Oh I am so sorry for you, too

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Response to Tumbulu (Reply #47)


Response to sueh (Reply #24)

Tue Mar 6, 2012, 07:43 PM

135. So we have something in common.

I wish that weren't so.

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Response to sueh (Reply #24)

Wed Mar 7, 2012, 02:06 AM

165. As another who also recently lost a brother, I wish you peace.

I am very sorry for your loss too.

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Response to stevedeshazer (Original post)

Tue Mar 6, 2012, 01:17 AM

25. I am so sorry to hear this.



peace to you

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Response to stevedeshazer (Original post)

Tue Mar 6, 2012, 01:20 AM

26. I am sorry for your loss

Suggestions on how to write an eulogy .....

It is true that we are all in pain right now because of the death of ________ but
2 simple truths of this world is # 1 none of us get out of here alive and the
2nd is that the more you love somebody the more you hurt when they leave
and right now I hurt a lot. Now, people talk about what we have all lost w/
_________ passing but I want to talk about what we all gained by brother's
life and his being here. (and from there tell some stories about things
he had done and said during his life .... it will flow from you quite naturally
but it will hurt you too) Also make sure to say mention that he is no longer
suffering if he suffered durning his illness.

Change my wording around so that it sounds more like the way you would speak.

i wish you well.

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Response to stevedeshazer (Original post)

Tue Mar 6, 2012, 01:23 AM

27. My condolences Steve

Peace.

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Response to stevedeshazer (Original post)

Tue Mar 6, 2012, 01:23 AM

28. I'm so sorry!

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Response to stevedeshazer (Original post)

Tue Mar 6, 2012, 01:24 AM

29. Give life to something he loved.

Having given a couple of eulogies, I found it helpful to take something that the departed one loved and enlarge on to show why it meant so much to them. One good friend of mine was an avid fisherman, so I talked about how fishing fit into his life; to close, I told everyone that I knew he was in heaven because the fishing was better there.

Give life to something he loved, and the eulogy will make itself.

My condolences to you and your/his family. It is indeed a terrible way to leave this world, but perhaps it clears the way to a better one.

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Response to stevedeshazer (Original post)

Tue Mar 6, 2012, 01:25 AM

30. Steve I am so sorry

I wish I could tell you I knew how you feel. I can't. I just wished I could hug you. I am so sorry. May he be in blissful painless peace. Safe journey.

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Response to stevedeshazer (Original post)

Tue Mar 6, 2012, 01:31 AM

31. I am so very sorry. This is such a body blow. I would speak from the heart about who he was and how

he was loved. Tell stories about him, let people know him as a man and a brother. I wish you peace. My mother waited on day before she died so she wouldn't die on my sister's birthday which would have been a catastrophe for my sister. Only time will help you. Rememer, he loves you even more perfectly now and he will always be there. Hugs to you and your family, his daughter and all who loved and knew him.

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Response to stevedeshazer (Original post)

Tue Mar 6, 2012, 01:31 AM

32. Oh I am so sorry stevedeshazer. Truly.

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Response to stevedeshazer (Original post)

Tue Mar 6, 2012, 01:35 AM

33. You have my sympathy

(which wasn't what I typed; my hands were misplaced on the keys...sotty!)

Remember, your eulogy can be short, and I am sure it will be from the heart. I've planned a number of funerals. People want to share memories. Let other folks take some of that burden of talking.

Peace.

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Response to stevedeshazer (Original post)

Tue Mar 6, 2012, 01:35 AM

34. Words fail. I'm so sorry for your loss

This has to hurt bad.

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Response to stevedeshazer (Original post)

Tue Mar 6, 2012, 01:37 AM

35. My condolences to you and your family

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Response to stevedeshazer (Original post)

Tue Mar 6, 2012, 01:40 AM

36. I am so very sorry Steve.

Things like this should not happen when we need these people in our lives.

When I spoke (briefly) at my husband's service, I impressed upon the fact that time is fleeting. So many people say, "I meant to call him last week..." or "I wish I had stopped over more often." The words I chose were to relay the fact that he meant to spend time with them too. That every person in the room was important to him. And that he was well loved.

My thoughts go with you as you deal with this incredible loss.

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Response to stevedeshazer (Original post)

Tue Mar 6, 2012, 01:44 AM

37. I'm so sorry Steve.

Your eulogy should highlight your brother's life, not his death. Use your memories like snapshots in a photo album. Have your family each contribute a story about him and the eulogy will write itself.

Peace and love to you and your family.

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Response to stevedeshazer (Original post)

Tue Mar 6, 2012, 01:45 AM

38. There are no words I can say that could even BEGIN to make this easier for you and your family.

 

My Grandpa (the Indian) died one day while I was at work. He'd had a heart attack a week before and was in a coma for six days. He woke up with his Pastor by the side of his bed. My Grandma was down the hall in the bathroom. He touched his heart, took the Pastor's hand, and pointed to the ceiling. Then he closed his eyes and died.

His Pastor knew what a hard time it was going to be for me as I was his first grandchild and ONLY grandson. He was my fucking hero. When I was a kid he used to come to my house on Saturday just to pick me up so I could go to the auto parts store with him. He taught me to fish, hunt, fix my car, barbeque... a thousand things. More of a father to me than my own Father. I had three or four sitdowns with his Pastor before we buried him and one thing his Pastor said will always stick with me, as a good thing, even though I wanted to bust the guy in the nose when he first said it.

He said grief is a selfish emotion. We grieve for ourselves, and how we think our life is going to be without our Loved One in it. We have no way of knowing what's on the other side, and we knew our Faith was a winning bet, we'd be rejoicing at their passing because we'd know they were in a MUCH better place than we are.

At first, I sat there with tears running down my cheeks and my fists balled up. He was talking, but I couldn't focus on what he was saying any longer. I don't know when the change came but before I left the Pastor's office I had wrapped my mind around the fact that my Grandpa's death was one thing, and his absence in my life was another.

I was a trembling mess when I stood up in front of family and friends at his funeral to tell them about the man I loved so much. Of course I cried, but they weren't tears of sorrow, they were... for want of a better term... laughing tears. I was able to tell them about when we were in the middle of some lake with a rowboat and his little outboard motor when the wind came up, and we were both sure we were going into the water before we got back to the marina. He giggled his ASS off because he was so scared. Every big swell and wave made him giggle harder. His giggling made me laugh so hard I cried. I told them about one day when we sat on the side of a hilll in Utah deer hunting, freezing our asses off, and he told me naughty jokes all day. He giggled, I blushed, and I bet every deer within a mile was headed away from us. By the time I was done talking, everyone in the church was smiling, and I was laughing and crying.

Tell them about the good times. Tell them private things you and your Brother shared. Laugh.

When I walked to the hearse to carry his body to the grave, I felt cleansed of my anger and anguish. Thanks to the words of his Pastor.

Not much help, I know, but it's the best I have to offer.

I'm 50. I fear death. I wanna live to be 300 and He probably did too. His suffering is over now, and I'd bet that if He were anywhere near the person I know you to be, he'd have accepted what was coming.

I'm sorry for your loss steve. Metaphysical hugs coming from me to you. Big, hearty, pull you to my chest and squeeze the SHIT out of you hugs.
Chris

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Response to cherokeeprogressive (Reply #38)

Tue Mar 6, 2012, 02:05 AM

51. Lovely, Cherokee, just lovely.

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Response to cherokeeprogressive (Reply #38)

Tue Mar 6, 2012, 02:40 PM

114. Very well said.

Your grandpa sounds like he was a great man. Lucky for you to have had him in your life.

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Response to cherokeeprogressive (Reply #38)

Tue Mar 6, 2012, 05:32 PM

125. Thanks for that

This part esp - they are two entirely separate things, which is hard to be clear about when the grief takes over.

I had wrapped my mind around the fact that my Grandpa's death was one thing, and his absence in my life was another.


Oh, and the laughter. Every time I think of watching my loved one die in front of me, from stupid stupid cancer, I now immediately replace that gut sucking painful image with a happy memory, as there are so many of those to choose from, and I do not wish to ever forget that they existed by spending more time remembering the painful part than the years of happiness.

Steve - You have all my sympathies for your loss now, and for the whole in your heart that may never entirely heal. But as Chris wisely says, please start pulling up those happy memories before this pain covers them up and you lose the only meaningful thing you have left of your brother, ie the happy memories. Take care, and again so very very sorry for your loss.

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Response to cherokeeprogressive (Reply #38)

Tue Mar 6, 2012, 06:21 PM

130. A marvelous story, so well written.

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Response to stevedeshazer (Original post)

Tue Mar 6, 2012, 01:50 AM

39. Oh, stevedeshazer

please accept my deepest condolences on the loss of your beloved brother.

I agree with everyone who suggested you bring him into the fold of the service by relating stories you remember about him. Think you'll see many sympathetic, understanding smiles.

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Response to stevedeshazer (Original post)

Tue Mar 6, 2012, 01:53 AM

40. Ohhh, I'm so sorry, Steve.

I wish I had words to comfort you in this sorrowful time. Please know you and your family are in my thoughts.

I lost my mom to brain cancer many years ago. I too want it to go away.

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Response to stevedeshazer (Original post)

Tue Mar 6, 2012, 01:53 AM

41. Wish you peace. How wonderful he was able to be with you and your family in his last moments.

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Response to stevedeshazer (Original post)

Tue Mar 6, 2012, 01:53 AM

42. We are so sorry...

Peaceful thoughts and hugs to your family.

The Tikkis

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Response to stevedeshazer (Original post)

Tue Mar 6, 2012, 01:55 AM

43. so very sorry to hear of this tremendous loss, steve. prayers for you and your family for peace

and comfort.

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Response to stevedeshazer (Original post)

Tue Mar 6, 2012, 01:56 AM

44. Sincere condolences. What you are going through is something no one

should have to experience. My thoughts are with you and your family.

Since you asked about a eulogy, my only advice would be to speak from the heart and focus on good memories. I spoke at my dad's funeral almost three years ago and found myself sharing a lot of personal reminiscences that helped those in attendance who didn't know him well to understand better what he meant to his family and friends. I'm sure whatever you say will be eloquent and meaningful.

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Response to stevedeshazer (Original post)

Tue Mar 6, 2012, 01:58 AM

46. That is such sad news.

I am so sorry

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Response to stevedeshazer (Original post)

Tue Mar 6, 2012, 02:03 AM

49. I am so sorry

 

Brother to brother celebrations of life are heartwarming for everyone.

MY DEEPEST SYMPATHIES

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Response to stevedeshazer (Original post)

Tue Mar 6, 2012, 02:03 AM

50. so sorry

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Response to stevedeshazer (Original post)

Tue Mar 6, 2012, 02:05 AM

52. I know what it's like if he died from a GBM.

That's one unrelenting, vigorous tumor. As for the eulogy, we ignored what the tumor did to our family member and talked instead of what she had proudly done in life.

My condolences to you and your family.

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Response to stevedeshazer (Original post)

Tue Mar 6, 2012, 02:08 AM

53. I am so sorry about your brother - here is what my brother did in the same situation

My sister died in 2003, and my brother was selected to give the eulogy. The rest of the family sat there as he approached the podium wondering what in the world he could possibly say. His talk was very memorable.

He discussed my sister's life, from all the lovely things, the impressive things and the outrageously funny things, as well as the embarrassing. He brought her back to life for a moment by sharing these memories of who she was.

One of the embarrassing things he told the audience was that she loved rock music. When she was a teenager, she played it so loudly the rest of the block could hear it. One day, the deejay at WPGC announced if you live at 9708 Barton Road in ***, could you please turn your radio down. Your neighbors are calling the station and asking us to relay this message to you!

I am sure you have these same fond memories of your brother, and you might consider just writing down those thoughts and sharing them as the eulogy.

Just a suggestion to adhere to your request, and once again, my sympathy to you and your family.

Sam

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Response to stevedeshazer (Original post)

Tue Mar 6, 2012, 02:12 AM

54. My heartfelt condolences

I know you will deliver the perfect eulogy as only a brother can.

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Response to stevedeshazer (Original post)

Tue Mar 6, 2012, 02:14 AM

55. I have a 50 YO "little" brother as well.

So sorry to read this. I'd be at loss for words, but I'd have a lot of stories I could tell about us. I honestly don't know how I'd deal with your reality...best wishes my friend.

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Response to stevedeshazer (Original post)

Tue Mar 6, 2012, 02:20 AM

56. Steve, there aren't adequate words to express my sympathy for you and your family...

I'm fighting cancer and so far, it looks like I'm going to live but last night, my husband broke down and told me how afraid he was that I would die last year and how he didn't want to have to make arrangements for me. I can't begin to imagine what it must be for you. As it goes for what you should say to eulogise your brother, perhaps, it will be easier if you follow the way of alot of Black folks.

We do "celebrations" of the person who's left by telling funny stories of our memories, just like Cherokee did regarding his Grandfather's passing. I know when I got up to eulogise my mother when she died, though I'd written something, I ended up ad-libbing and just spoke from my heart. I never even glanced at my notes. Before everything was said and done, the entire church was crying and laughing simultaneously.

Speak from your heart and don't worry about your ability to keep a stiff upper lip. He was your brother and you walked him to end of his time here on earth. Let love be your guide.

Please accept my sincere condolences for the passing of your dear, sweet brother and I want you to know that you and your family will remain in my thoughts and prayers. I mean this from the bottom of my heart.

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Response to Ecumenist (Reply #56)

Tue Mar 6, 2012, 07:46 PM

136. Thanks, that is great advice.

We'll keep it loose. I think that's for the best.

Peace and love,

Steve

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Response to stevedeshazer (Original post)

Tue Mar 6, 2012, 02:27 AM

57. Sorry Steve.... And may your brother be at peace.

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Response to stevedeshazer (Original post)

Tue Mar 6, 2012, 02:27 AM

58. Damn. I'm so sorry to hear this. And the timing is so bad, too.

Then again, when is timing ever any good in cases like this?

Talk about him as YOU knew him. Brother-to-brother sounds awfully good to me, and I know it would be comforting to your listeners. They'll appreciate hearing about him from your unique perspective - it'll give them a larger and more intimate and loving picture of the man that they'd never experience from their own involvement with him, regardless how close they might indeed have been to him. Just be YOU. Come from your heart and the past that the two of you shared, back before the pain and the suffering, the loss, the dread, and the anguish. And remember this, which helped me when I had to stand up and speak at my mom's funeral Mass: NO ONE will fail to understand, and sympathize, if you get emotional. Don't even worry about that for a second. You'll have everyone's support.

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Response to stevedeshazer (Original post)

Tue Mar 6, 2012, 02:37 AM

59. My deep condolences

 

I don't know you. I'm new here, but mourning is something we all have in common.
I feel for you. Be strong and be yourself.
Your brother will always be with you.

Best

Ziggy Strange

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Response to stevedeshazer (Original post)

Tue Mar 6, 2012, 03:03 AM

60. condolences - hugs to you and yours

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Response to stevedeshazer (Original post)

Tue Mar 6, 2012, 03:08 AM

61. I am very sorry for your loss.

I have three younger brothers and I can't even imagine having to do what you will do. It breaks my heart just thinking about it. One of my brothers just lost his mother-in-law to brain cancer last month.

I can only suggest something that is personal to him, intertwined with your memories and feelings for him.

Sincerest sympathies.

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Response to stevedeshazer (Original post)

Tue Mar 6, 2012, 03:32 AM

62. My heart goes out to you.

Why do people die even little babies in this way? Is there a timing in death? Does God choose our time? or is this world ruled by normal hazards and the softness of the physical body?.it is a great mystery.

Thornton Wilder once wrote:

"There is a land of the living and a land of the dead and the bridge is love, the only survival, the only meaning."



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Response to 1620rock (Reply #62)

Wed Mar 7, 2012, 01:15 AM

162. That is the end of The Bridge of San Luis Rey, a short novel.

I have read that at one funeral.

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Response to stevedeshazer (Original post)

Tue Mar 6, 2012, 03:45 AM

63. I am very sorry for your loss.

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Response to stevedeshazer (Original post)

Tue Mar 6, 2012, 03:53 AM

64. So sorry for your loss. The eulogy could be as simple as telling what you loved about him

and remembrances of your lives together. You could also open it up to others to share as well, so you don't have to shoulder it all

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Response to stevedeshazer (Original post)

Tue Mar 6, 2012, 03:53 AM

65. Steve I am so sorry

I can't begin to imagine your family's pain.

You have my sincerest condolences and gentlest thoughts. Say what's in your heart. Share some of your experiences of your brother. And his daughter's experiences with him. I know it will be hard to do through such intense heartache and tears but it may be a little cathartic too even if difficult.

Take care of yourself. Cling tightly to your family.

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Response to stevedeshazer (Original post)

Tue Mar 6, 2012, 05:03 AM

66. I would look at the Jefferson letter to Adams

written on the death of Abigail Adams. It is considered by some to be one of the best condolence letters ever written. There might be something in there that you can use.

Sorry for your loss.

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Response to Sherman A1 (Reply #66)

Tue Mar 6, 2012, 08:05 PM

139. I will check it out.

That's an interesting idea. Thanks.

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Response to stevedeshazer (Original post)

Tue Mar 6, 2012, 05:19 AM

67. Peace be with you all.

I have no words.

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Response to stevedeshazer (Original post)

Tue Mar 6, 2012, 05:31 AM

68. Please accept my sincere and deepest condolences...

I am saddened by your news on many levels. Many of the above posts had excellent ideas for your eulogy. It's a time of remarkable reflection - be well and take care of yourself and your family.

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Response to stevedeshazer (Original post)

Tue Mar 6, 2012, 05:41 AM

69. Talk about his life, your lives

the things that stand out (including the really funny ones) growing up and since he became a father. Talk about what you loved about your brother.
I feel your pain - I lost my baby sister back in 2005.

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Response to stevedeshazer (Original post)

Tue Mar 6, 2012, 06:04 AM

70. My condolences to you and your family, Steve nt

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Response to stevedeshazer (Original post)

Tue Mar 6, 2012, 06:08 AM

71. I'm glad your little brother had a brother who cared for him as well as you have

Peace and love to you, stevedeshazer.

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Response to stevedeshazer (Original post)

Tue Mar 6, 2012, 06:13 AM

72. So very sorry

I know this must be a terrible time for you and your family.

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Response to stevedeshazer (Original post)

Tue Mar 6, 2012, 08:39 AM

73. Really sorry to hear about your brother

As for the eulogy, think I would hire someone who knows what they are doing. Someone who has performed a lot of them. Just so it gets done right.

I am atheist but I have contacted a local preacher to say my eulogy when the time comes. If he outlives me that is.

He is a legend around these parts. People attend funerals for people they don't know just to hear him. He is that good.

He understands my feelings about religion, but the eulogy won't be for me as I will be dead and I won't hear it anyway. So he will be doing it for the people who attend.

He is a pro when it comes to this thing. I have heard him several times and I was in awe.

Don

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Response to stevedeshazer (Original post)

Tue Mar 6, 2012, 08:49 AM

74. Steve, my heartfelt condolences go

out to you and your family. My dear Pinky died of brain cancer in September; it took her quickly but was no less devastating. I'm glad he was home and you were there.

And I think the advice you've gotten about the eulogy is solid; make it heartfelt and happy, if you can; uplifting stories about your shared experiences make a very sad day less sad for everyone.

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Response to stevedeshazer (Original post)

Tue Mar 6, 2012, 08:55 AM

75. Steve

you have my deepest condolences. I am sorry for your loss.

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Response to stevedeshazer (Original post)

Tue Mar 6, 2012, 08:57 AM

76. I lost my brother to brain cancer, too.

I understand some of the pain you are feeling. It's so fucking unfair to see someone you love being robbed by inches by this horrible disease. I am so sorry for your loss.

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Response to stevedeshazer (Original post)

Tue Mar 6, 2012, 08:58 AM

77. Having experienced family deaths myself

My brother and mother. He died at home and that makes all the difference between a hard death and one where he was surrounded by love and care. He is your bother. Take time to fully grieve for him because he's worth every moment of it.

I'm crying for your loss because I know it myself.

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Response to stevedeshazer (Original post)

Tue Mar 6, 2012, 09:05 AM

78. so sorry.

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Response to stevedeshazer (Original post)

Tue Mar 6, 2012, 09:13 AM

79. I hope he knew happiness before he was felled by the cancer.

So sorry for you and all of his family.



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Response to stevedeshazer (Original post)

Tue Mar 6, 2012, 09:16 AM

80. peace and low stress

 

sorry for your loss

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Response to stevedeshazer (Original post)


Response to Courtesy Flush (Reply #81)


Response to stevedeshazer (Original post)

Tue Mar 6, 2012, 09:28 AM

82. My Condolences

Take care of your family.
GAC

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Response to stevedeshazer (Original post)

Tue Mar 6, 2012, 09:38 AM

83. I am so sorry, Steve.

Big hugs. I'm sorry I can't add anything that hasn't already been said here. Folks here give great advice.

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Response to stevedeshazer (Original post)

Tue Mar 6, 2012, 09:39 AM

84. I am so sorry

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Response to stevedeshazer (Original post)

Tue Mar 6, 2012, 10:55 AM

85. I'm very sorry for your loss. Brain cancer is a killer.

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Response to stevedeshazer (Original post)

Tue Mar 6, 2012, 10:57 AM

86. Fuck cancer. Just, fuck it.

You're in my thoughts.

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Response to stevedeshazer (Original post)

Tue Mar 6, 2012, 10:58 AM

87. I'm very sorry, and will be thinking of you.

I've never delivered a eulogy, and am most definitely not looking forward to the occasion when I will have to. I guess just speaking from the heart and remembering the best things of your brother's life will probably guide you.

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Response to stevedeshazer (Original post)

Tue Mar 6, 2012, 11:30 AM

88. Sorry to hear :( My brother died 7 years ago from a brain cancer....

at 28 years old and I couldn't say a word at the funeral. I'm sure this must be very difficult for you.

Just say lots of good memories you have, of the two of you growing up, and things he taught you either 40 years ago or 2 weeks ago about how to be a better person.

Hang in there *hugs*

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Response to stevedeshazer (Original post)

Tue Mar 6, 2012, 11:40 AM

89. I am really sorry for your loss.

You have my sincerest condolances.

I am sorry I cannot help you with your eulogy, for I have suffered no such loss myself, but perhaps speaking from the heart is best?

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Response to stevedeshazer (Original post)

Tue Mar 6, 2012, 11:45 AM

90. My sympathy to you and the family and to all who

knew and loved your brother . You will speak from your heart and everything you see will be the right thing to say....may the good memories you have of times with your brother give you comfort.

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Response to stevedeshazer (Original post)

Tue Mar 6, 2012, 11:46 AM

91. I'm so, so sorry...



It is so hard to say good-bye, to bear the weight of the loss... please be gentle with yourself.
It is good that you were able to honor his wish to be home among those who he loved and who loved him.
.. a bittersweet gift to both of you- even though it is hard to see it that way. especially now.

My thoughts and prayers are with you... wishing you comfort and peace

blu

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Response to stevedeshazer (Original post)

Tue Mar 6, 2012, 12:01 PM

92. I am so sorry

I can only say to celebrate his life, his love and everything about him.

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Response to stevedeshazer (Original post)

Tue Mar 6, 2012, 12:01 PM

93. I am sorry for the loss of your brother.

 

I just read in the local papers that a teenage girl died of the same thing. We must tell people to stop using cell phones so much!

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Response to stevedeshazer (Original post)

Tue Mar 6, 2012, 12:06 PM

94. I'm so sorry Steve,

you're a very smart person and I know you'll come up with the right words for the eulogy. I'm only mid-40s now but with a chronic illness, and I've figured out that loss is something that is part of my life now. Not only loss of health, but also dealing with the loss of people who are your age or younger. Not easy at all.

Safe passage for your brother and prayers for you. I'll be thinking of your family Saturday.

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Response to stevedeshazer (Original post)

Tue Mar 6, 2012, 12:22 PM

95. OHHHHH! I'm so sorry Steve.

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Response to stevedeshazer (Original post)

Tue Mar 6, 2012, 12:25 PM

96. Take a look at the eulogy for Father Mychal Judge

My deepest condolences to you and your family.

I lost my beloved uncle this year. I was utterly devastated. It was on par with when my mother died, and I was going to be giving a eulogy. I just couldn't put in to words how truly good a man he was and my friend sent me to the eulogy of Father Mychal Judge who was the chaplain at ground zero on 911. There is an excellent documentary of him called The Saint of 911.

Anyway, take a look at this and learn about him. Religious or not, Father Mychal was one of the kindest people. To give you a brief snap shot. He was a gay priest who was among the very first to help AIDS patients. This was when people were still wearing Haz-mat suits and AIDS patients were dying alone and people were too ignorant to touch them. Father Mychal was the first to go into a room and hug and kiss a patient and be the example.

He worked tirelessly for the homeless and would give coats or sweaters off his back to those in need. He was a fire department chaplain, and when he died, his death saved the five people who carried him out of the debris.


http://www.npr.org/2011/09/09/140293993/slain-priest-bury-his-heart-but-not-his-love

This is what I borrowed from the eulogy


"We come to bury is body but not his spirit. We come to bury his mind but not his dreams. We come to bury his voice but not his message. We come to bury his hands but not his good works. We come to bury his heart but not his love. Never his love."

BTW, I am a breast cancer survivor, my mother in law died two years ago from breast cancer and I lost my mother when she was 51 to lung cancer so I can understand how hard this is for you.

I hope this helps
Robyn

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Response to Robyn66 (Reply #96)

Tue Mar 6, 2012, 07:51 PM

137. That helps a LOT.

Thanks very much.

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Response to stevedeshazer (Original post)

Tue Mar 6, 2012, 12:27 PM

97. I'm so sorry

Cancer sucks.

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Response to stevedeshazer (Original post)

Tue Mar 6, 2012, 12:38 PM

98. I'm so sorry

It's just not fair.

I'm sure that anything you say will be lovely because it will be from the heart. Everyone knows that words alone won't be able to tell the whole story of who he was, and won't be expecting perfection from someone grief-stricken anyway, so don't worry about summing up his life and your feelings for him in a single eulogy. You'll do a great job because you'll be speaking with love.

I am so sorry.

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Response to stevedeshazer (Original post)

Tue Mar 6, 2012, 12:39 PM

99. So sorry to hear this...way too young...

 

My thoughts are with you and his family...I hope his journey ended peacefully.

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Response to stevedeshazer (Original post)

Tue Mar 6, 2012, 12:40 PM

100. I'm very sorry for your loss.

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Response to stevedeshazer (Original post)

Tue Mar 6, 2012, 12:41 PM

101. I wish I could help, only child.

 

I am so sorry for your family.

May he rest in peace.

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Response to stevedeshazer (Original post)

Tue Mar 6, 2012, 12:46 PM

102. love and memories

 

I'm so sorry for your loss, Steve.

Love and memories are the only meaningful eulogy.

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Response to stevedeshazer (Original post)

Tue Mar 6, 2012, 12:49 PM

103. Sorry to hear this,Steve.

RIP to your baby brother. I hope all of you find peace.

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Response to stevedeshazer (Original post)

Tue Mar 6, 2012, 12:50 PM

104. may Peace be with you and your family at this very difficult time. nt

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Response to stevedeshazer (Original post)

Tue Mar 6, 2012, 12:50 PM

105. I'm so sorry

 

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Response to stevedeshazer (Original post)

Tue Mar 6, 2012, 12:52 PM

106. I'm sorry to hear that

 

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Response to stevedeshazer (Original post)

Tue Mar 6, 2012, 12:54 PM

107. Bless you both, and your whole family.

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Response to stevedeshazer (Original post)

Tue Mar 6, 2012, 01:02 PM

109. Damn, I'm really sorry.

Just speak from the heart.

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Response to stevedeshazer (Original post)

Tue Mar 6, 2012, 01:21 PM

110. I'm so sorry.

 



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Response to stevedeshazer (Original post)

Tue Mar 6, 2012, 01:22 PM

111. A song for you...

I hope it brings you peace.

I know your pain. My little brother died last year at the age of 40. Too young.


Anyway, my condolences

******

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Response to stevedeshazer (Original post)

Tue Mar 6, 2012, 02:01 PM

112. I am so sorry for your loss. Try to remember

 

the funniest thing you guys did together as kids. That's what you talk about in his eulogy.















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Response to stevedeshazer (Original post)

Tue Mar 6, 2012, 02:37 PM

113. I'm so sorry, Steve.

What a terrible thing to happen. My condolences to you, his wife, children and the rest of your family.

As for the eulogy, it is always hard to write one. The best ones I have heard come from the heart and are humorous. You can write about events you shared, things he accomplished and some funny anecdotes. Amid the sadness, people need to have a release and laugh. I'm sure that you'll do a great job with it.

May your brother be at rest.



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Response to stevedeshazer (Original post)

Tue Mar 6, 2012, 02:44 PM

115. Sorry Steve I lost a sister two brothers and my mother in the last few years. For his eulogy

the only advice is speak from the heart .
Say what he meant to you,
and he will live on in your memory.

Mention some of the good he did in his tragically short time on this world.

Don't try to list everything thing, just a few things,
and recall how they made you feel.

Close with how you rejoice in his life and that his good deeds will live on .

And remember you have to take the time to deal with your own loss.

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Response to stevedeshazer (Original post)

Tue Mar 6, 2012, 02:45 PM

116. I am so sorry for your loss. May love

and gentleness envelope you.

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Response to stevedeshazer (Original post)

Tue Mar 6, 2012, 04:32 PM

117. My condolences..............

 

Sorry to hear about your loss. Your DU community is there with you.

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Response to stevedeshazer (Original post)

Tue Mar 6, 2012, 04:33 PM

118. My condolences to you and your family

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Response to stevedeshazer (Original post)

Tue Mar 6, 2012, 04:36 PM

119. I am so very sorry, Steve.

I cannot imagine what you are going through. You are in my thoughts and prayers.

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Response to stevedeshazer (Original post)

Tue Mar 6, 2012, 05:05 PM

120. i'm so sorry.

i would be very happy to send you the text of the eulogy my son gave for his sister. let me know and i'll PM it to you.



i am so sorry for your loss. and the dates...give me the chills. my parents died on the same date 12 years apart. i don't know what it means, i just think it means something.

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Response to stevedeshazer (Original post)

Tue Mar 6, 2012, 05:17 PM

121. so very sorry...


It is a celebration of your brother's life and what he meant to you and others in the community... a time to laugh heartily and to cry and to give thanks... you will do great!!!

I gave the eulogy at my husband's funeral... (I actually planned the entire service) I spent many hours thinking of us and what it meant to be us... (driving back roads collecting high bush cranberries to make jam... me having to deal with all of the "drafting dots" left all over the house - he was an architect!... drinking too much Haitian Rum and so on.... )

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Response to stevedeshazer (Original post)

Tue Mar 6, 2012, 05:18 PM

122. So sorry. Warm hugs to you and yours.

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Response to stevedeshazer (Original post)

Tue Mar 6, 2012, 05:20 PM

123. I so sorry.

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Response to stevedeshazer (Original post)

Tue Mar 6, 2012, 05:27 PM

124. I'm sorry to hear about your brother.

 

RIP.

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Response to stevedeshazer (Original post)

Tue Mar 6, 2012, 05:37 PM

126. So sorry Steve.

May he rest in peace.

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Response to stevedeshazer (Original post)

Tue Mar 6, 2012, 05:39 PM

127. I'm so sorry, steve.

Wishing you strength and peace.

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Response to stevedeshazer (Original post)

Tue Mar 6, 2012, 06:19 PM

128. Sending condolences...

and thinking of you and your family at this difficult time.

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Response to stevedeshazer (Original post)

Tue Mar 6, 2012, 06:19 PM

129. Very sorry to hear that, Steve. Sending you peaceful thoughts. nt

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Response to stevedeshazer (Original post)

Tue Mar 6, 2012, 06:43 PM

131. stevedeshazer

stevedeshazer

My deepedes condolences for you and your familiy.. It is allways hard to loose familiy member, but specially close familiy, like a brother hurt you right in your personal space.. I can't feel what you feel now, but I know that I would have been devestated if MY little brother was dead...

Peace to your brother, and I do hope you and your familiy can have the posibility to rembember your brother with foundness, and love.

Diclotian

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Response to stevedeshazer (Original post)

Tue Mar 6, 2012, 06:44 PM

132. .

I know what it's like losing a brother

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Response to Skittles (Reply #132)

Tue Mar 6, 2012, 08:10 PM

142. It's pretty damned tough.

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Response to stevedeshazer (Reply #142)

Tue Mar 6, 2012, 08:36 PM

145. yes

all I can tell you is that the old adage, "Time heals all wounds" is not true - but time certainly does make them easier to bear

(I found the pic of Glenn on the left in his possessions, and realized I had the other half - me, on the right)

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Response to Skittles (Reply #145)

Wed Mar 7, 2012, 11:42 PM

167. That's awesome.

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Response to stevedeshazer (Original post)

Tue Mar 6, 2012, 07:18 PM

133. So sorry.

I have three brothers, and would be devastated to lose any of them. And it sounds like we're all around the ages of you and yours--way too young.

Here's hoping you can find some peace. Good luck.

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Response to stevedeshazer (Original post)

Tue Mar 6, 2012, 08:04 PM

138. We are so sorry! My dissertation advisor died of brain cancer - it was quick and shocking. /nt

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Response to stevedeshazer (Original post)

Tue Mar 6, 2012, 08:07 PM

140. A good friend's husband with a terminal brain tumor has just been rushed to the hospital...

My poor friend is beside herself. He is now in end stage.

I am so upset. Reading your post, I am sad and also just bewildered. I don't know what to say to you or to my friend. It is horrible.

Please know that there are many, many people out there who understand what you are saying to us because we have friends and relatives who have been going thru the same things.

You are not alone in this. So many of us are with you in our hearts and spirits...

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Response to stevedeshazer (Original post)

Tue Mar 6, 2012, 08:09 PM

141. Peace to You and the Family (nt)

 

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Response to stevedeshazer (Original post)

Tue Mar 6, 2012, 08:14 PM

143. My condolences for your loss

You've already done a wonderful thing by him by letting him die at home, with family. That's the most loving thing you could have done for him. May your brother rest in peace now.

I wish you peace and love too, for all your family. Just take time to remember him, speak from your heart and it will all go well for you. He would be proud of you, no matter what you say.

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Response to stevedeshazer (Original post)

Tue Mar 6, 2012, 08:18 PM

144. My condolences....

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Response to stevedeshazer (Original post)

Tue Mar 6, 2012, 08:47 PM

146. I am so sorry, my condolences to you and his family and friends. It just sucks.

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Response to stevedeshazer (Original post)

Tue Mar 6, 2012, 09:14 PM

147. I'm very sorry for your loss.

Remembering you life with him will aid in the pain of the loss, give you strength, and help with your eulogy. Best wishes in a difficult time.

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Response to stevedeshazer (Original post)

Tue Mar 6, 2012, 09:49 PM

148. I'm so sorry, Steve.

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Response to stevedeshazer (Original post)

Tue Mar 6, 2012, 10:15 PM

149. Steve.

I too lost my brother when he was 50. http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=389x8502119

I wish I could do more than offer internet condolences. But honestly, I found others' online posts (even strangers) did help in a weird way.

I hope you find at least a little support in our meager words.





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Response to stevedeshazer (Original post)

Tue Mar 6, 2012, 10:27 PM

150. Peace to you and yours.

You're a good brother, you'll figure it out.

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Response to stevedeshazer (Original post)

Tue Mar 6, 2012, 11:16 PM

151. Im so sorry buddy

Im so sorry Steve....

You cared about him VERY MUCH... He wanted to be @ home and you made sure he was


Your a good brother!!


Peace and love to YOU my friend!

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Response to stevedeshazer (Original post)

Tue Mar 6, 2012, 11:26 PM

152. I am so very sorry.

 



Just speak from your heart and you'll be fine.

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Response to stevedeshazer (Original post)

Tue Mar 6, 2012, 11:34 PM

153. My sympathies to you and your family.

I lost my "little" brother and only sibling to lung cancer last spring.

I am truly sorry you have to go through this.

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Response to stevedeshazer (Original post)

Tue Mar 6, 2012, 11:35 PM

154. So sorry, Steve.

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Response to stevedeshazer (Original post)

Tue Mar 6, 2012, 11:37 PM

155. Sorry... Only thing I can think to say is that he will live on in your family's hearts. That is...

...Really the only thing that matters. You might recite some good days, what kind of person he was, on the things that will live with you and the family, that cannot be taken away by Death.

Tell of the laughter and the love you shared, and I believe he will be right with you in Spirit. If the eulogy gets very sad, or focuses on his being gone or anger, he will not be there.

Sounds weird, but I believe our loved ones live in our thoughts, which are powerful. I wish you and your famiy peace and not bitterness in this time.

Other than that, best wishes and take care of yourselves, be gentle with each other.

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Response to stevedeshazer (Original post)

Tue Mar 6, 2012, 11:39 PM

156. So very sorry

Cherish your memories. He will live in those.

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Response to stevedeshazer (Original post)

Tue Mar 6, 2012, 11:41 PM

157. About the eulogy...

 

I would suggest that you simply do a written one, and print it out, and hand a copy to each person that goes to the service. That way you basically don't have to stand there and try to speak while you are still in an emotional state. If you must speak, you could just tell one anecdote about your brother that is funny and will make everyone laugh, and then invite anyone who wants to, to come up and say any memory they have of him. As far as the written eulogy, I think you can simply write a brief biography of him, maybe include a few key photos from his life. I have recently done this for my mother, who is still living and not sick, but is 93 and of course I have no idea how much longer she will live. So I have this printed biography ready anyway. You do not need to do such an elaborate job as I did on it, in fact I have been working on it for almost 2 years. But even a simple 1-page summary of his life, with a few pictures, would be good to hand out to people who come to the service, and would make your job of delivering any live eulogy much easier. If you want to see what I did, you can download it now at http://fireworksland.com/misc/Pat.pdf (3 mb file)

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Response to stevedeshazer (Original post)

Wed Mar 7, 2012, 12:28 AM

158. So sorry. I think about that every day with my brother.

Glad you were there with him. I'm sure he felt your love.

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Response to stevedeshazer (Original post)

Wed Mar 7, 2012, 12:33 AM

159. Steve, you have my prayers

for you and your family's strength, comfort and lots of loving support.

Your brother is fine, now.....resting, and getting ready for his next adventure. That's how I believe it works, anyway.

nam myoho renge kyo
nam myoho renge kyo
nam myoho renge kyo

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Response to stevedeshazer (Original post)

Wed Mar 7, 2012, 12:37 AM

160. I'm sorry Steve

I don't know you personally, but please know I am thinking of you. My boss (and very dear friend) starts chemo tomorrow for stage 3 cancer....another very good friend suffering and may not make it..Please, in our lifetimes, let us find THE CURE...this disease ravages us all....love and light to you.

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Response to stevedeshazer (Original post)

Wed Mar 7, 2012, 12:39 AM

161. I don't know what to say

Makes me grateful I got in touch with my brother after a 20 year break. Sorry you lost yours, stevedeshazer. Hope his has a safe passage.

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Response to stevedeshazer (Original post)

Wed Mar 7, 2012, 01:20 AM

163. I'm so sorry for your loss, Steve.

Cancer sucks. I know.

My mother had breast cancer and survived.

My dad had leukemia and refused treatment because he was 88 years old and decided he'd had a good life.

My big sister Karen died of brain cancer in 1990. We were seven years apart, and loved each other dearly.
She was a vibrant, beautiful young woman of forty-two years of age. Her death destroyed my parents and me.

I think brain cancer is particularly difficult to deal with, for both the patient and the family. Ironically, my sister worked for the Chief of Pathology at M.D. Anderson Hospital in Houston, which is the largest cancer hospital in the world. She loved her work.

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Response to stevedeshazer (Original post)

Wed Mar 7, 2012, 02:04 AM

164. Peace and love to you Steve. I lost my 47 y/o baby brother to liver cancer Dec 7, 2011

They gave him weeks on Dec. 2. He lasted only 5 days. I rushed from California to Georgia to say goodbye and didn't make it in time.

I helped my sister-in-law with the funeral and wrote the obituary and delivered the eulogy and helped (and am still helping) my mother. I was the oldest of only 2 kids so taking care of mom is all up to me now.

I looked forward to growing old with my brother. He would have been 48 this coming March 25.

I wish you comfort and peace Steve. Losing a brother sucks.

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Response to catzies (Reply #164)

Wed Mar 7, 2012, 11:45 PM

168. Wow.

There are far too many stories here about losing siblings and others to cancer.

Peace and love to you, too.

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Response to stevedeshazer (Original post)

Wed Mar 7, 2012, 02:19 AM

166. condolences.

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Response to stevedeshazer (Original post)

Thu Mar 8, 2012, 12:12 PM

169. Condolences...nt

Sid

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Response to stevedeshazer (Original post)

Thu Mar 8, 2012, 12:22 PM

170. I'm so sorry for your loss.

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