I just hung up from being blindsided by a Tea-Party loving "friend" - I'm speechless, shocked.

[Ninga]

I feel like I was run over by a semi....I was woefully unprepared for the turn in the conversation that was waiting for me.

But it was her visceral hate that came spewing out like a raging thunderstorm that shook me.

I intellectually understand that there is a nuclear level of hate, but to come face to face (or ear to ear) with it shocked my heart and soul.

I cannot let her have the last word. I am compelled and driven to respond. I must do it for myself, for my ethics even if I know she will reject whatever I write.

I must respond to her bold-faced verbal attack leveled at the "government programs that allow dead-beats, cheats, and now forced health care insurance" ...

Wish me luck. Any words of wisdom you toss my way will be appreciated.

[BeeBee]

1. Can you share any more details of your conversation? n/t

[ChazII]

6. Agree with your observation

We need more details (if possible) to help form an argument against her view points. We know that they hate everything but were her remarks directed towards President Obama? illegal immigrants? the ACA?

[cali]

2. I'm so sorry. That sounds more than a little unpleasant

and I wish you great good luck in replying cogently and forcefully.

[Ninga]

34. Unpleasant is a mild word....I think that after reading thoughts here, it might just be best to

fold up my tent and pack it in.

[warrior1]

3. let it go

and don't respond to her.

If you do, do in by laughing in her face.

Don't let it know it bothered you. You need to have the upper hand, if you fall into the hate that she spews she wins.

[TeamPooka]

20. my thoughts too. Don't let her hate drive your actions. nt

[Ninga]

35. Ok warrior1 - will dig deep for some humor....nt

[Puzzledtraveller]

4. I can't stand basing relationships on party lines anymore

Unless it's extreme hate, racism for example I am just not going to engage. If the world were to crumble tomorrow, and there were no democrats and republicans, pro-choice, pro-life, non of the faking divisions we live by how would you know, or would you even care. I have decided to just love everyone. I am serious, even if they hate me for it.

[Common Sense Party]

11. Good on ya.

That's a much more healthy approach.

[HangOnKids]

12. Faking divisions?

Holy shit. REALLY? Good fucking grief.

[Puzzledtraveller]

13. Yeah, I spell it that way

because I'm at work. You know what I mean. Not "fake:ing"

[Dreamer Tatum]

21. You're what the world calls an "adult."

Congrats.

[Gidney N Cloyd]

5. You'd be doing her a favor to make sure she knows people outside her bubble think differently.

[Wounded Bear]

7. I suggest a simple "YAFI" response.....

You're a fucking idiot. Not you, of course, the 'friend.'

[hamsterjill]

41. But you simply MUST follow this with

"Have a Nice Day". LOL

[IdaBriggs]

64. And don't forget to add "bless your heart". (nt)

[janlyn]

109. And a standard southern FU,

The always popular " ooooo how nice"

[SammyWinstonJack]

98. +1!

[grasswire]

8. I would send an email.

Dear XXXX,

I'm writing this note to you to let you know that someone is impersonating you and has probably stolen your phone. That someone spewed a lot of hateful and ignorant speech in my ear today, and because I have known you well for so long, I know that you are not capable of that kind of silly attack on others. I hope you get this fixed soon.

Love, Me.

[Voice for Peace]

102. I like this one.

[Flo Mingo]

9. Words of Wisdom..........

Never wrestle with a pig.

You both get dirty but the pig likes it.

[SharonAnn]

38. Other sayings:

Never try to teach a pig to sing. It wastes your time and it annoys the pig.

Some stumps you just have to plow around.

[warrior1]

10. ooh

I came up with a great response

Tell her you will pray for her, because she must be under the influence of Satan.

[TeeYiYi]

14. Too late. She already had the last word.

She's not your friend. Let it go.

TYY

[Ganja Ninja]

15. Words of wisdom? Yeah sure.

Cut your losses and don't bother. You're wasting your breath.

[lpbk2713]

16. Their desperation is almost palpable.

They know the voters are on to them and that their silly little reactionary
extremist movement is swirling its way down the porcelain appliance.

[Whisp]

17. don't waste your time and energy trying to change what can't be changed

her mindset can't - it's marinated in Fox drivel and it is hopeless.

find some postive you can do instead - spend your energy in that. do random acts of kindness and ask that they pay it forward, little things mean a Lot.

[MineralMan]

18. Shine It On!

That old expression is still valid. Your "friend" isn't a friend at all. You won't change his or her mind. Just shine the person on and slip out the back. You'll have less stress, and your "friend" will continue being a moron.

[thecrow]

74. I hope you hung up while she was still spewing

then she stood there with the phone saying, "Hello? Can you hear me?"

[patricia92243]

19. "I cannot let her have the last word" - why? Let it go. If you will feel better, write her a

blistering letter - then tear it up.

Stirring shit only makes it stink worse.

[Dreamer Tatum]

22. Why respond at all? What good would it do? nt

[Rex]

23. Did she complain when the govt made car insurance mandatory?

Or how about seat belts? Sometimes, you cannot get through to those that will not listen no matter what you say. Might be best just to let her go floundering in the seas of confusion.

[Jenoch]

24. Advice is not always easy to dispense

when there is almost zero information on the topic provided.

[Ninga]

37. see post #29 and thanks. nt

[zipplewrath]

25. Find the source

It's very likely, almost guaranteed, that her words and opinions have a source that has little to do with government or governing and everything to do with some personal hardship, or that of a close friend or relative. They have taken to blaming their troubles on external sources outside of their control (the government, dead beats, immigrants, etc.) so as to justify/explain their inability to change things.

If you are really interested, you could explore her feelings to find the source. You probably won't change anything in her, but you may learn something for yourself, and maybe even about yourself.

[Marrah_G]

26. A few months ago I defriended from facebook my ex.

We have remained good friends for almost ten years now, still love one another but for a variety of reasons could never be romantic again. But when he started posting/sharing NRA crap... some of which seemed like veiled racism to me, I stepped away and stopped communicating with him. We didn't have an argument, I just stepped away because I found the views so infuriating.

Sunday night he was in a motorcycle accident. He is laying in a coma right now with a fractured skull and brain bleed. Frankly, the political stuff, seems so silly now. I wish I had just been able to ignore that issue we disagreed on. I hope that I will still have a chance to correct that.

Social media can be a good thing.....but it can also cause arguments that never would have been had otherwise.

Just some food for thought.

[Arugula Latte]

43. I'm sorry about his accident, but to me political stuff isn't silly at all.

It reveals a person's true values -- whether they are compassionate or whether they are greedy and or racist/sexist, etc. Nothing is more important than respecting someone's core beliefs, in my opinion.

[Marrah_G]

72. Sunday afternoon, I would have said the same thing

I guess my point is to not just look at what someone says on social media about one topic. Before engaging in actions that could end a friendship, take a long look at what the person really means to you, outside of social media and consider what it would mean to lose them in reality.

[hfojvt]

73. I would say that almost all people are a little bit of each

Kinda hard to find a perfect person, and also kinda hard to find somebody fully imperfect. Everybody is a little bit compassionate and a little bit greedy. Everybody is a little bit sexist and racist. Not all to the same degree, but it seems to me we fall into this dualism. Where it is black or white. Where a person is a racist or a person is not, and that instead of encouraging and inspiring people to be better, our main game is looking for somebody that we can pelt with stones and brand with a "scarlet letter" whether the letter is an S, an R, an I, a B, an M, or an X.

[nomorenomore08]

112. Now this, I pretty much agree with...

[Puzzledtraveller]

53. It is silly

I believe people used to know the difference but I am not so sure they do today. There is a hefty price to pay, a parcel of ones humanity I feel. If this is how we allow ourselves to become then we have lost something. I wish you and your friend well.

[Skittles]

76. oh dear

I hope he will recover, Marrah_G

[Marrah_G]

77. Me too Skittles

No change over night, but no change is good. They tried to take him out of the coma but he was combative. He isn't getting any worse and the doctors said that is good with a brain injury, that he just needs tome to heal.

He would be dead if he didn't have on a helmet.

[Ninga]

97. Your story tells us how life can change forever in one stinkin second. Hope you have a chance to

talk with him.

You are right about social media.

I am starting to purge, whittle down my FB to the friends who post family photos and general updates about their lives.

I cannot bear anymore, hateful sneering comments.

Thanks.

[indepat]

27. One cannot reason with the brainwashed who have had hate drummed into the heart, soul,

and very essence of their being.

[narnian60]

103. Well said,

and so very true.

[UTUSN]

28. "nuclear level of hate" - saw it in person yesterday

Have seen it for OBAMA on the internet and Faux, but not that much in person. This fellow vet is a seemingly mellow dude, has been totally friendly and polite. We've been acquaintances for about a year, and only in the past few months have we started having longer conversations that have not been about politics. Briefly, he made clear he is Rethug with the passing dismissal that the Dem party is for "food stamps." We hadn't talked politics these few months, the conversations themselves not that frequent anyway. But somebody else told me he believes OBAMA/Dems are for "redistributing."

He's been busy the past month, a week's vacation to an unusual and distant region, then his mother's death, so yesterday we caught up for about an hour and we were wrapping it up when the news clip was OBAMA comforting a woman starting to faint during his speech. This dude suddenly became quietly INFLAMED, with eyes squinting with absolute hatred, and he said, "It's a FAKE!1 This isn't the first time he's pulled that stunt!1"

I told him we were going to have to face this really impassable divide, probably a going-our-separate-ways thing. He said he was leaving anyway at that point.

What I find puzzling is where he gets his "information." This goes beyond the Faux Propaganda Network. He's a Marine veteran, just saying there might be some wingnut connection there although wingnuttiness is rampant in all branches. I terminated participation in a webbring of my Vietnam shipmates over this back in '04, that was just a ring of wingnut chain letters.

[whathehell]

52. His line about "Food Stamps" may have come from Newt Gingrich's description of the Democratic Party

Newt called it "The party of Food Stamps"

Maybe you should tell your friend that it's ALSO the party of: Veterans Benefits, Social Security and Medicare

and other things he and his family will be using.

[UTUSN]

56. I'll try if there's a slight chance, but convincing is a lost cause. I'm curious about his sources.

Oddly, before we got to the politics bit, which wasn't really politics, more like a PERSONAL hatred of OBAMA the Person, when he was talking about his deceased mother, he made a point of saying that his mother welcomed anybody/everybody into their home "including Blacks." He said he never knew who would be at the house when he got there. But the level of hatred while he looked at OBAMA was at the racist level. I'm grasping for explanations.

After he left, the same person who told me about the dude's "redistribution of wealth" thing told me that whenever the topic or t.v. is on OBAMA the dude "has a fit of diarrhea."

[whathehell]

122. He sounds like a lost cause, but

if you can remind him of all the non-food stamp government programs he and or his family

enjoy, at best, it MIGHT get him thinking, at worst, he'll stop using the stupid food stamps line.

[Ninga]

29. oh my goodness thanks for responding. Here is the gist of the conversation.

Her tax dollars help KY people on welfare get "free Obama" phones with 500 minutes. Once they blow through the 500 minutes "all they have to do is apply for a new one and get it"

Her tax dollars help the governments programs that keep lazy people having babies and from getting jobs and supporting themselves. (she doesn't care that these folks are a small population)

Her tax dollars pay for government programs that let illegal immigrants not have to show ANY ID in order to get their kids enrolled in Lexington KY public schools. She had to overnight at her cost a new copy of her SS card otherwise the school her older children were attending would not enroll her kindergartner. Yet, standing at the desk was an illegal who didn't have to show anything and the secretary supposedly said "we have to take in illegals with no questions asked"

Why should she have to pay for people to have "free" health insurance. Why don't they get out and work like she does. Why should she have to "have" health insurance. It's a free country. I told her she had to have car insurance then she said only people with cars have to have car insurance....I said well humans need to live and need health care. She said she didn't want to pay for it.

I don't know. Maybe you guys are right. I should give up on her.

[Rex]

45. Obama phones? Did Glenn Beck tell her about those?

I am going to tell you right now from firsthand experience (I live in the deep south and have a huge amount of relatives that are just like her) you will NEVER get through to her...she has already drank the Right Wing kool-aid and is now running around talking about Obama phones. She is totally delusional and believes people are likely to live on welfare then get off it when given the chance at making a real income. She probably also believes that if you raise wages, businesses go under. NOBODY is getting free health care.

She has bought into the lies that people are getting free stuff at her expense. She watches way too much Foxnews and will never understand anything reasonable put in front of her.

Best to just keep it to a sentence or two and noncommittal stuff. I wouldn't engage her, this is a no win scenario due to brainwashing.

HEY, it could be worse! You could have relatives that run around yelling that Obama is a Muslim, Marxist, Fascist, _______ in church! Had to disown an aunt over that one.

[Ninga]

49. I guess I just applied for membership into your club. Sadly the more I read and experience, tells

me that membership will grow, not shrink.

[Rex]

60. It is sad when you cannot have a honest discussion with friends.

But the level of brainwashing by Foxnews is unbelievable.

[RobinA]

47. I Hear About

these Obama phones at family gatherings that include a few friends of family who listen to too much Rush. I used to chime in, mentioning that the "Obama phone program" started long before Obama. Next family gathering I'm hearing about Obama phones again.

I'm a social worker who, as part of my job, helps people get benefits. I also work with people who have benefits. I am WELL AWARE and can recite in my sleep the eligibility requirements of various programs. I know what the various programs do and do not provide. The only person who knows more than I do is someone who actually works in the county assistance office or for SS. However, I am constantly hearing from the Rushbots about these fantastic benefits some undeserving person known to the speaker gets. When I attempt to correct the record, *I* am then corrected. Um, no. I do this for a living. Rushbot has no contact whatsoever with social service programs. So these people believe Rush over someone who actually works in the field directly with the subject at hand. Confirmation bias writ large.

[sammytko]

66. We applied for Medicaid for my mother and boy what a process!

And there were three or four of us working on it!

It is NOT easy. You just can't walk in and walk out with benefits.

[IdaBriggs]

68. Bookmaring this thread for this post alone.

VERY insightful. Thank you for sharing.

[Jenoch]

48. I wouldn't even attempt to correct her.

(The telecom program that funds 'Obama phones' predates his election by over a decade.)

If you otherwise like this person, just tell her to skip the politics and talk about other things.

[maryellen99]

57. and I bet

If the baggers get their way in January and crash the economy she'll be the first one screaming for gov't help.

[noiretextatique]

84. she's had way too much koolaid

how does she feel about the billions in tax dollars wasted in iraq? and the waste of human life? probably silent about that.

[MisterP]

88. just FYI, your argument is for Plan E, not ACA

[RobinA]

30. Don't

waste your time. That's my advice.

[kydo]

31. Word of Wisdom - Don't respond

It's not worth your grief.

These people that spew bagger talk all watch faux and are wrapped in that never ending world of addiction and denial. You will never make head way trying to argue a sane valid point with facts and proof to back those facts when talking to a bagger. Their brains have been reprogrammed to believe everything they hear on faux no matter how crazy.

The only hope your friend has is to turn off faux. But until your friend does that, you are better off letting it go.

Just think of baggers as practicing alcoholics. All their problems are always caused by some one else. And they are always in complete denial. Until your friend hits bottom and is really truthfully sick and tired of being sick and tired and can they admit they have a problem and stop watching faux, you will only cause your self grief.

The best place for you a friend a bagger is ALNON.

[freshwest]

114. Good analogy. Faux, etc. is their drug and harder to fight, they feel it's insulting their IQ.

[Tikki]

32. I agree with the 'no action needed' crowd..if you should run into her somewhere you might share..

the good news that more and more Americans are waking up to the childishness and damage
of the teabaggers and rw republicans and how excited you are being on the winning side
and can you count on her to help you phone bank for the Democratic candidates during the
next election season in your community.

Tikki
ps I did this with a lady I knew from an organization...she said 'no' and next time I
saw her I told her it was alright she wasn't even needed, after all.

[madamesilverspurs]

33. First time I responded to something like that

I spent a great deal of time and composed a lengthy piece with lots of documentation; the recipient told me he couldn't read any of it because my stance was just too upsetting.

Next person, I responded with just an outline listing events and quotations, and I included documentation and citations. She informed me that "book smart" isn't as important as "street smart".


It finally got through to me that where illogic has been chosen, logical argument has no effect.

[SharonAnn]

42. You can't reason someone out of a position they haven't been reasoned into.

[annabanana]

70. ^^^^ What YOU said ^^^^ .. . .n/t

[reflection]

90. Ooh! I'm stealing that!

DU is always good for a diamond in the rough. Thank you!

[hamsterjill]

36. Just remember that you are replying for YOU; not for her.

Because these people are already too indoctrinated to ever be able to understand real facts and figures or actually change their minds.

Reply, and then let it go.

[Arugula Latte]

39. Ask her if she's outraged that so much taxpayer money goes toward corporate welfare.

[Ninga]

44. I really really tried to point that out - but she said that maybe if she saw corporate welfare

cheaters every day, like she sees lazy no good welfare stealing food stamp loving bums - she could care...but she doesn't.


She is really a tough nut to crack....

[Arugula Latte]

121. Aargh! Frustrating.

That's a big part of the problem, though. All this money is funneled to corporations and the transactions are invisible, and the small-brained don't seem to be able to make the leap so it stays off their mental radar.

[RagAss]

40. I abandoned rational argument during the Bush era. I now employ the "Fuck Off" strategy.

it's a real time saver. And why spend time on lost causes.

[Ninga]

46. I agree except in this case, I was not prepared for what I heard and responded like a deer caught

in the headlights.

It is my reflection after hanging up that has stirred my emotions. I am now faced with the real life experience of not wanting to ever have a conversation with her again. Her hate destroyed our long-distance friendship.

[leftynyc]

61. Then that's what you say to her

That her hatred is too unpleasant for you to be around or listen to. She's simply not worthy of your friendship.

[cleanhippie]

50. Anyone using those descriptive terms is likely beyond your reach.

They have been fully indoctrinated and you are wasting your time on a fools errand. Let it go, time will show your friend the error of their ways.

[Ninga]

51. She will expire before Mother Earth and Father Time reach her.

It is earth shattering to experience such vitrol real-time, ear to ear.

I think I am ready to move on...actually "I'm done."

[pitbullgirl1965]

92. Call her and tell her

"You are dead to me." Your words are toxic and hateful. I'm done with you"

Some people you can't reach. :/ Good luck will you let us know what you do?

[ScreamingMeemie]

54. I cut my losses, realize they are narrow-minded, selfish little people, and move on.

I'm sorry that happened to you.

[Ninga]

79. Thank you for extending sympathy... nt

[TheMastersNemesis]

55. I Would Not Take It I Would Counter Attack So Viciously Verbally It Would Shake Her Soul

Until there are indeniable and shattering consequences nothing will change. Being a vet when you run into something that vile I believe you must issue an overwhelming response. I do not believe in playing nice anymore with these haters.

I believe in overwhelming response any more. These people are the same enemy I faced in Vietnam. I have with held response for so long that I am no longer willing to walk the other way.

I know what I am saying sounds harsh but after what I experienced with recall supporters here in Colorado and the abuse. I am done.

The trouble is that so many people do not realize we are in a political war as serious as FDR faced.

[Corruption Inc]

58. Rs are mentally ill and/or criminals, it's been known for decades

You should be shocked at how shocked you are. It's collectively known by our society overall that Rs have severe mental problems including denial, abuse, delusional thinking, low self-esteem and worse. To me, it's somewhat shocking that people aren't fully aware of it.

[CrispyQ]

59. You are not alone in being shocked at the hate.

http://www.democraticunderground.com/10023899790

My advice. Save your breath. Until these types feel the pain themselves, they are not receptive to any message other than hate & blame.

on edit: On second thought, you might ask her, if people on welfare have it so good, why don't you quit your job & go on welfare? She could. Why doesn't she? Could it be that deep in her heart she knows that they don't have it so good, that millions of Americans did not start at the same starting point she did & that she's really just looking for an excuse to be a mean-spirited, greedy asshole.

[sammytko]

69. That is one thing I tell people like that - quit working and go on welfare if it so great.

[ecstatic]

62. That sounds like standard republican thinking, I was

expecting to see something on the level of RushLimbo/Palin crazy.

Her anger/bitterness might decrease if she stopped assuming that every person of color was either illegal or on food stamps (or on an Obama phone). Good luck.

[sammytko]

63. My sister is the same way, but she votes Dem

and she works for a place that helps people with section 8 and other housing.

She hates most of the clients. Well maybe hate is a strong word - but says that most of them are scammers and just know how to get every single free thing there is to get.

I first told her she needs to quit her job because it was affecting her. She likes the people she works with though. I told her she needed to have compassion and be thankful because no everyone is born with the same skills or intellect or ability, will, or whatever to lead a "normal" life.

Then I gave her examples of the way that others "scam" the system, but no one says anything because they have money (from scamming) have degrees, look and dress nice - pillars of the community etc.

[Waiting For Everyman]

65. I'd probably say something like, "wow, that's some hateful shit!"

And then I might say, "You know, hate rots brain cells. But in your case, I get the impression you've been doing it too long to turn that around. Have a nice life, I don't want any one-way friends, who only care about what they can take from people."

The older I get, the more I see people as one of two broad types: either "cooperative builders", or "destroying sharks". I won't waste my time on the latter, once I know that's what they are. As to whether they can change, not usually, but that's their own work to do, not mine. Life will teach them, the hard way, they don't listen to anything else.

[BellaKos]

67. The first time

I had this kind of experience was a few years ago, during a conversation with my sister-in-law. She is a beautiful, soft-spoken, refined woman with a Masters degree in education.

The aspect that shocked me was not so much that she had the wrong information, but that she had delivered it as if she were an evangelist and with an utterly hateful tone. I told her that I appreciated that her facts were *in dispute.* I did not confront her.

After we hung up, I thought about what had happened for a long time. I considered fully what this episode meant. She is a lovely person generally. We share many interests, not the least of which are family ties, but I came to the conclusion that I had to retreat from the relationship because her heart and soul were now infected with a level of toxic hatefulness that I could not accept.

Over the years, I've spent a good deal of time trying to figure out what happened to her. There's plenty of documentation out there that explains our collective predicament. The US is now plagued by a segment of the population who are delusional, brainwashed, and deliberately misinformed. It's all by design. A crafty scheme that incites the emotions of otherwise regular folks in order to manipulate them politically.

Sadly, she was just the first of my friends who succumbed. Since then, I have found that many of my friends are now deluded. No *facts* will sway them from their religion. But even that could be tolerated if they just didn't *hate* so much.
So very much hate.
It's ugly and a dangerous element in our democracy. And I don't have any intention of enabling this disease by "pretending" that these distorted perspectives are acceptable, rational, or deserve the slightest consideration.

But how to cure it? I don't know.

[Ninga]

81. I fully understand your experience as the 9AM conversation I had today is still ringing in my ears.

I just cannot and will not view her in the same light as the past.....our friendship came to a screeching halt at the crossroads this morning.

[riverbendviewgal]

87. I think it is fear of minorities

and eventually she will be one in a few years...

Being outnumbered by people who do not look like her is frightening.. My brother was a fun guy too, until Obama came to power than he shed his skin and revealed how racist he is. and he is a Reganite...

We stopped talking. Now I send photos of animals and non political, non racist, non religion stuff occasionally.

I don't like him anymore.

[handmade34]

95. so sorry for the loss of a friend...

I personally could not leave this alone, as many have suggested... simply, I would email her (assuming this is the last of our communication) and explain that lies and misinformation has contributed to a hate and fear in her that I cannot comprehend, do not want to listen to or be part of...


...our tax dollars go to many things, many that I don't agree with or want but we are a country, a society, a democracy... that can be messy and frustrating at times, but what would you prefer??? a country that casts people aside that truly need help?? no, there is nothing perfect about our system (and there will always be a few that exploit and abuse - individuals as well as corporate) ...is that any reason to deny everyone the help necessary to be healthy and happy in this society??

...until we have a society that cares enough to be sure there are livable wage jobs for everyone and the respect that people deserve.. we should not criticize


tell your friend she is fortunate indeed to be able to have a job that allows her to support herself... not everybody is so lucky

[bvar22]

71. Put her on "ignore" and go on with your life.

That works on DU too.

[markpkessinger]

75. I've had this experience, and so has almost everyone else I know -- very disturbing

I have one sister who has gone over the cliff of rationality in Fox/Tea Party insanity. I pretty much avoid any discussion of politics with her, because it has become impossible to have a reasonable discussion with her. Her rage and vitriol is positively volcanic (and frankly, is out of all proportion to her stake in the issues under discussion). I'm now watching something similar happening to a 25-year-old, recently married niece. She (my niece) has been on a kick of late railing on Facebook against recipients of Social Security Disability. She is absolutely convinced that all it takes to qualify is to find a doctor who willl provide a diagnosis of depression or anxiety (which, to her way of thinking, are trivial, 'made-up' conditions), and you'll be set up for life. She bases this conclusion on someone she knows who, she's convinced, is perfectly capable of working. I tried to point out to her that not all disabilities are visible, but she wouldn't hear it.

Recently, she shared on Facebook some right winger's letter to the editor that appeared in her local newspaper, which was one of those ridiculous rants about all the evil things people buy with food stamps Virtually everything in the letter (to which my niece added her wholehearted agreement), was either factually untrue, or was an absurd distortion of facts taken utterly out of context.

I learned my lesson a while back about trying to argue with these folks. Instead, I posted my own status update:

What is it about the American character that so many of us choose to spend far more time and energy being embittered and resentful of the help someone else might be receiving rather than being happy and grateful they themselves don't need it?

[IllinoisBirdWatcher]

78. Congratulate her for being in a 25% minority of Americans.

and then keep posting, recommending, re-tweeting, and flooding social media with the many, many news reports condemning that small but very vocal minority.

My "conservative" acquaintances pretend not to follow my posts. They used to post responding links from the right. Nowadays they have nothing to post except Red State rants, and as a result have gone publicly silent. But they still read all my posts and occasionally get riled up enough to post. And none of them have dropped following me on social media.

So even when they don't respond, I know they are reading as well as anyone else who stumbles upon my posts.

Keep our stories going viral. It really does work and drive the message, however slowly.

Here is a good one to go viral...

Chamber President to Ted Cruz: 'Sit Down and Shut Up'

U.S. Chamber of Commerce president Tom Donahue said something Sen. Ted Cruz, R-Texas, could work on was learning how to 'sit down and shut up' after the firebrand conservative led a Republican effort to defund President Barack Obama's signature health care law resulting in a 16-day federal government shutdown and near credit default.

http://www.usnews.com/news/articles/2013/10/21/chamber-prez-to-ted-cruz-sit-down-and-shut-up?s_cid=rss%3Achamber-prez-to-ted-cruz-sit-down-and-shut-up

[bravenak]

80. You should video record the next discussion and watch it with her afterwards.

Then do some fact checking with her on your internet machine. Then watch the recording again.
Tried it while arguing with my husband while we were about to split up. It saved our relationship.
When you see yourself saying nasty, terrible things it can be an eye opening experience. She probably doesn't even know how she sounds or that her facts are lacking.
Show her to herself. Let her see how others see her. She won't like it.
I hated it. But it was real and it was me.

[CarrieLynne]

82. maybe just tell her you hope her heart can heal from all that anger and hatred-its not healthy

[cer7711]

83. Tell Her: "Fear is the path to the dark side,"

said Yoda.

Also: "Fear leads to anger. Anger leads to hate. Hate leads to suffering."

[Spitfire of ATJ]

85. I doubt she's talking about EXXON.

[florida08]

86. it hurts I know

Politics has permeated everything. Churches, workplace, stores etc. I hear it lots of times when I'm simply checking out at a department store. I'm sick of it. I don't bring it up they do, so I would imagine she did as well. Do what's right for you. If you can exit her from you life then you're better off. If you can't then take some time to gather your thoughts for the next time. I find it's better to ask questions then to react to the negativity. But in the end you have seen the ugly of someone you thought you knew. It's up to you how much she is worth it.

Am sorry you were hurt. Nothing wrong with you telling her that.

[reflection]

89. As hard as it is, let it go.

If you were truly friends, I think the nagging doubts will creep in eventually, the kind of thoughts that invade your head at night when it's quiet and you are alone in bed. She will begin to be ashamed at what she said and the way she said it. Even Tea Party types are human underneath all their bluster and she won't be immune to regret.

And if she doesn't regret it, or you were never really friends, then que sera sera. Let her go.

Just my $0.02, but only you know you and her and you'll make the right decision I'm sure. Because not only does she have to live with her attack, but you have to live with your response. If it will eat you alive by not responding, then do what you have to do.

Good luck.

[Zen Democrat]

91. I got a letter from a relative this week ....

I had put on facebook that Jesus never spoke on the subject of abortion or homosexuality, but spoke often about feeding the hungry, clothing the poor, taking care of the sick, and visiting prisoners in jail.

So I get a 2-page single-space typed letter informing me that Jesus did speak to abortion when he said that he was fulfilling the law and scriptures of old (Doesn't fulfill also mean end or complete?) and the Old Testament said "Do not murder." It continued on with hogwash linking this scripture to that and the other, then you do the hokey pokey and you turn yourself about, and Jesus was against abortion.

Nice try. It went in my trashcan and I'll not dignify it with a response.

[okaawhatever]

99. How do folks like that address Jesus saying "He breathed life into us." ? That's a serious question

One thing I always wondered from the anti-choicers is the idea that if you believe in heaven then you must believe that your soul and your physical body are separate entities. I haven't understood how they can envision that but not that our soul is separate at birth and until a child can breathe on their own their soul hasn't come to life.

[MynameisBlarney]

93. Let her think she "won".

Know that it is not your fault that this person you thought was your friend turned out to be an idiot.
It's not worth it IMHO.

[ctsnowman]

94. Save your sanity

and let her go. She has a media empire feeding her disinformation 24 x 7. Sorry to hear you lost her.

Peace.

[stillcool]

96. pause when agitated...

I did not respond until I was sure the consequences, be they good or bad, would be worth it. I like that phrase 'love the sinner, hate the sin', and figuring out where the venom comes from was helpful to me. Nothing changes if nothing changes.

[roamer65]

100. Seriously, don't waste your time.

I would cease contact. Not worth the time or energy.

[Warpy]

101. Just tell her you're sorry she's gotten addicted to hatred

and that it's a great rush in the beginning but will destroy her from the inside out. Then tell her you're done and walk away.

You can't tell these people facts or dissuade them from the silly opinions filling their otherwise empty heads. You can only tell it like it is and drop them.

[Sissyk]

104. That's why I don't talk much politics with friends.

I'm sure no matter what you have to say to her won't matter. Teabaggers are pretty stuck in their ways and only hear one side of the story.

If it makes you feel better though, write her. However, keep in mind you've probably lost a friend.

I'm sorry this happened to you.

[fredamae]

105. Been there done that myself

and as much as it hurt--my "friendship" with my person was a façade only truly "seeable" after the meltdown...I let both a response and the "friend" go...there was, at that juncture-nothing to salvage or any mystery left as to how this individual really sees the world-there was, for me-no "going back".

[Frances]

106. My general rule

Wait two days before sending or saying anything to anyone after you've been emotionally upset by something the other person said or did.

You can write a reply, but don't send it till you have time to read what you have written with a cool head.

You have a much better chance of succeeding in whatever your goal is if you are cool when you send the message.

This is a lesson I learned the hard way. I am still dealing with the consequences of responding while "hot."

[Demo_Chris]

107. Say, "We disagree on things politically but I value your friendship too much to care." nt

[kimbutgar]

108. I call people like your friend "goners"

They are so far gone and brainwashed by fox, rush etc they lost the capacity to step back and realize what they are really saying is evil. I had a good friend that is an evangelical Christian who got caught up in the tea party bs. She was a great person who lost her mind. I've known her for 30 years, I introduced her to another good friend and they no longer talk because our mutual friend is a foxbot tea trash talker.

I feel for you, the right wing media has been effective in brainwashing those individuals who are easy to manipulate. I just don't see them realizing the crap they spout is hateful, venomous and not Christian in anyway.

I prevent the goners will continue to be margalized and come 2014 and 2016 when there ideology will be rejected by the majority will be so shocked they will become comatose and angry with the realization that they are truly a small crazy bunch of foxbot tea trash goners.

[BellaKos]

115. "Goners"

That's precise and concise. I like it. And it conveys what I feel, too. My friends who have been deceived are *gone* in more ways than one.
Meanwhile ... 2014. "What? Romney lost?"
2016. "What? Romney lost?"

[Ilsa]

110. You're better off without this person in your life.

I know you'll miss her, but the hatred and nastiness would have brought you down. Eventually, you would have been looking for ways to avoid her. I don't know how to tell you to end it, maybe stay away from politics, but tell her how bitter and vicious she's becoming about life and you don't want to be surrounded by negativity.

I know what I'm talking about: I lost a friend after the 2012 election. I didn't dismiss her as my friend because of her politics, but because of how ugly she was becoming, judging others, judging me, judging my parenting, judging the 47% while taking her own retirement paycheck for an 18 year career in the military. I missed her, but I realized that even when she was trying to make nice, it had to be on her terms only. It just wasn't worth it.

[BellaKos]

116. Exactly. It's about the hate. n/t

[Ninga]

120. Thanks. I responded last night and I said a silent good-bye to her when I clicked "send." nt

[Liberal_in_LA]

111. she was looking for liberal ears to unleash her frustration

[kiranon]

113. Email her the saying "There but for the grace of God go I [or you]".

Add the part in the brackets. Don't need to say anything else. I've found it is useless to argue/debate/converse with non thinkers (Fox et. al viewers) about politics. The ending of the fairness act in broadcasting allowed propaganda to parade as truth unregulated by any opposing views.

[ErikJ]

117. I like to use this: Tbaggers scream about Obamaphones from their $10,000 govt paid Hover Rounds.

Shuts em up every time. Or If Socialized medicine is so terrible, why do we give it to our soldiers and vets?

[ErikJ]

118. Here's point by point response.

Her tax dollars help KY people on welfare get "free Obama" phones with 500 minutes. Once they blow through the 500 minutes "all they have to do is apply for a new one and get it"

Reply: I like how Tea baggers scream about Obamaphones from their $10,000 government-paid Hover Rounds.

Her tax dollars help the governments programs that keep lazy people having babies and from getting jobs and supporting themselves. (she doesn't care that these folks are a small population)

Reply: The GOP has actually increased illegitimate birth rates by closing family planning clinics and ending free contraceptive services and products. The GOP has voted down at least a dozen jobs bills since Obama got elected, many for poor people.

Her tax dollars pay for government programs that let illegal immigrants not have to show ANY ID in order to get their kids enrolled in Lexington KY public schools. She had to overnight at her cost a new copy of her SS card otherwise the school her older children were attending would not enroll her kindergartner. Yet, standing at the desk was an illegal who didn't have to

Reply: Illegal immigration exploded under Bush and it is now decreased so much there is a negative illegal immigration to the US under Obama.

Why should she have to pay for people to have "free" health insurance. Why don't they get out and work like she does. Why should she have to "have" health insurance. It's a free country. I told her she had to have car insurance then she said only people with cars have to have car insurance....I said well humans need to live and need health care. She said she didn't want to pay for it.

Reply: Would she rather have them use the ER health care which is 4 times more expensive than Obamacare health care? ER health care explains why America spends twice as much on health care as other developed countries.

And millions of people with pre-existing conditions who are now trapped in their jobs health insurance will be able to quit to start their own small business and be able to get and/or afford health insurance because of Obamacare. This will lead to an entrepreneurial rennaissance in America and more jobs as small business employs the most people in America. .

I don't know. Maybe you guys are right. I should give up on her.

[Ninga]

119. Thanks a million! I used some of this in my late night email to her. I was polite, funny and met

my wish of not wanting to let this slide without a response. I couldn't have done it without being able to tap into the wonderful advice the OP received.

Thank. YOU. ALL>